What I want to be...

To you, the young adults of America....

Are you ever afraid that no matter what you end up doing with your life, you'll be stuck with it forever and get bored with it in only a matter of years? Or that no matter what you do you'll always be setting yourself up to fail because there's always someone better and they will snatch your goals right out from under you? Or that no matter what you do you'll end up disappointing everyone who has too much faith in you and easily disappointing yourself?

I'm terrified of careers. I have pretty much zero career potential (AND desire). That said, most of you know that REALLY "what I want to be when I grow up" is a mother.

But now I wonder, what if I screw up parenthood?
I don't think I could handle not being THE great role model in my children's lives. What if I just screw it all up and my children ultimately end up looking to someone else for guidance? I don't mean like those stupid teenage years when every kid at some point thinks their parents are the worst. I mean like to the point where they don't want to trust me and grow up without me and I end up and afterthought with a Christmas card every year. What if my children never have a solid understanding of love and God and beauty and charity and grace and chivalry and heart and understanding and peace and wisdom and thought and WONDERFUL LIFE!

I wonder these things because I don't know how my mind got to be the way it is. I don't know how I can teach my children to believe and to have heart. And frankly I'm not sure if I can watch them struggle through life not being able to see how beautiful it really is. It's hard enough watching my friends be so blind and unhappy.

How do you teach your children to put relationships on a pedestal? I mean I know that I could tell them everything I know and feel but that doesn't mean they'll listen or care or truly and deeply understand. How do I teach my own children that dating is preparation for marriage? That it's not just something you do for fun with just anyone, and dating is never to be taken lightly. How can I stress to them the importance of protecting their hearts?

I don't know. I don't know how I got this way. I guess God just made me this way. But He doesn't make everyone like me (obviously) and He will not make my children just like me.

So what next?
I don't know. I've got time I guess.

Have fun. Not too much.

Love,
Lauren Elisabeth

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