I always hear a lot about gays and lesbians in the media, how it is difficult for them to live in some places, how they are not getting the respect they deserve. Ocasionally, I hear something about transgender and their troubles to get that way physically. (I don't know if I'm using the term transgender the right way, but please forgive my ignorance) I remember reading a newspaper article years ago about transgendered people, and it was pretty disgusting thinking about all of the body parts that they would have to change, and why anybody would do that to their bodies. However, I could live safely apart from all that experience because none of my friends were transgender or were even thinking about it.
A year or so later, out of the blue one of my friends sends everybody an email saying that she is no longer she. What?!!! That's right she is he; didn't you know that those pronouns were interchangeable; that's something that they forgot to mention in elementary school. Yes, my friend had decided that she was no longer she, but he, and that meant that she no longer wanted to be called Marisa, but Mark. Also it meant hormone therapy, and eventually turning a vagina into a penis.
Now, this would not be a huge deal if you thought that changing your gender identity was as easy as changing your clothes, but for me, I don't think anybody should change their sex or gender. If you are a guy and are more feminine than most, it doesn't mean that you should have been a girl. Likewise if you are a girl, and you have a more masculine personality, that doesn't mean that you should have been a guy. So, how in the world was I supposed to respond to this name change? I would be hurting my friend's feelings to call her, her and to use her old name, but I would be violating what I believed by calling her, him. It doesn't seem to cross people's minds that when they change something that is at the very core of their being, who you are, that it will hurt your friends.
So what do I do? I'm calling her Mark, and almost everytime I say it I want to grab a pot and beat myself over the head with it. I get to hear about how she puts a corset like contraption over her breasts to make them look flat. Everytime I look at pictures of her, it hurts, and in some ways it is kind of like losing your friend. In other ways it feels like betrayal "Oh, being female is not good enough for you." I'm female, yet my female friend doesn't want to be a girl.
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I agree with you. God made you who you are so you should stick with that and not change.
I believe that identity is a sacred choice. Just because you are born a certain way, doesn't mean that is who you are. Maybe reading more about the subject from a transgendered point of view would broaden your understanding. I'm not sure I understand how it is disgusting.
My Blog: www.progressiveu.org/blog/jlepp-journey
For both of you. It is hard to take in new information that goes against everything you believed to be true. The problem is, not everything is as it seems. Sometimes you need a paradigm shift. I second the suggestion by jlepp_journey to read as much as possible on the topic from a transgendered point of view. I can suggest a few easily accessible things right off the bat. There are several transgendered members on the site. Look up the following blogs:
Bodies Lie, by A Peaceful Focus, found at http://www.progressiveu.org/080348-bodies-lie-female-comes-male
Discrimination, Racism, Gender, Sexual Orientation: Why do you care? by Corey Ann, found at http://www.progressiveu.org/192957-discrimination-racism-gender-sexual-o...
Prejudice, Trannies and Gum Ball Machines, by Cathii, found at
http://www.progressiveu.org/231123-prejudice-trannies-and-gum-ball-machi...
This Morning I Smile Because (also by Cathii) at
http://www.progressiveu.org/005828-this-morning-i-smiled-because
Steve Stanton--Transexual Martyr (also by Cathii) at
http://www.progressiveu.org/003053-steve-stanton-transsexual-martyr
An Open Letter to Bathroom Vigilantes, by shenth at
http://www.progressiveu.org/220822-open-letter-bathroom-vigilantes
And my own blog, Transexual 5-year-old: What's a Feminist Nanny to Do?
http://www.progressiveu.org/143840-transgender-5-year-old-whats-feminist...
I can recommend several books as well, if you wish to be that good a friend to Mark. I get the impression, however that you are looking for an out. If that is the case, let me give you one--if you cannot recognize how difficult life has been for Mark as a result of people's preconceived notions about how he should live his life (as if it is up to them) and if you cannot recognize the bravery Mark has to step up, take control and live an honest life, then do him a huge favor; be very clear that you cannot open your mind wide enough to accept him and get out of his life. I guarantee that he will appreciate the honesty more than he would the half assed masquerade of respect he's getting from you now.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
"If you are a guy and are more feminine than most, it doesn't mean that you should have been a girl. Likewise if you are a girl, and you have a more masculine personality, that doesn't mean that you should have been a guy."
Yes, this...
It's not about being feminine, or masculine. It's about the body. You know you can be masculine, and those breasts can annoy you to hell - not because they're 'unmasculine', but because to you, they just don't fit there - don't correspond to the bodymap in your brain. You can also be masculine and love your breasts.
The difference between transsexual and transgender is that a transsexual wants to be perceived and live (and not be taken as a fake) as the other sex. While a transgender individual (that's the correct way to say it, no -ed) will want to change their appearance or clothes to express what they like - they rarely take any hormones, and rarely plan on any sort of surgery. They also rarely want to change their name permanently.
Wearing a dress doesn't make a man become a woman. It makes a man who likes to wear dresses. And that should be fine, too.
However I can be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I'll always be a woman - and I wasn't seen as one before when younger. It's not about clothes, it's about being who you really are.