Mommy met Jimmi today and I really hope I dont screw this up.
A little known fact: both of my parents were violent alcoholics, and my father’s jealousy led him to murdering my mother. Growing up, the only rule I set for myself was no matter how hard things get, I would never end up like my biological parents. I was never going to be an alcoholic, therefore I would never drink. I was never going to work at a gas station to support a habit while my children’s father sat at home on the couch. I was never going to be in an abusive relationship, and I was never going to let my pride get in the way of doing what was right for me.
I lied to myself, “Alcohol”, I told myself, “was the culprit”. If I never drink, I will have everything in a straight line. I will have good relationships, a good job, and a great life. Sure, not drinking has gotten to me to great university, and I won’t have to worry about working at a gas station, but staying sober has not given me good relationships.
I have never had a drink, but I let him call me names. I let him degrade me and use me when it was convenient for him. Until the day he grabbed me, I had let my pride get in the way of myself getting out of what was a terrible relationship. It wasn’t terrible because of alcohol but because of me. But I told myself he was the problem.
Then there was someone new, and though he has not called me names or grabbed me, he has not committed to me. I have given myself to him on many levels, and he simply will not acknowledge me. Every time I tried to leave, he knew exactly what to say to make me stay.
I am the reason I am in and out of bad relationships. I want someone to love me so badly; I am willing to bend in anyway to please them when, in fact, it is not possible. I may never make that person happy. I lied, and it is not the alcohol or him that is the problem; it is me. It is my pride.
Now there is Jimmi-we met and quickly became friends. Besides my uncle and brother, HE IS THE NICEST MAN I KNOW. After month and half of friendship we became "official", "a couple". He holds the door and takes out the trash without me asking (hehe). He makes me laugh, and caresses my face. He is amazing. But, I am scared my pride will get in the way of something good, just like my pride prevented me from leaving a bad relationships. I am trying my hardest not to screw this up! Wish me Luck!
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aww stacy u and jimmi are so cute...hes so funny and nice and exactly what u deserve. i think u guys are gonna be ok.
a valid argument is one that is constructed in such a way that, if the premises are true, the conclusion must be true (it cannot be false). all logic, all reasoning, all argument must start somewhere, and wherever it starts is assumed. when you ass/u/me s
Forget what you are afraid of, and love the now.
Good Luck,
"Little vicious minds abound with anger and revenge, and are incapable of feeling the pleasure of forgiving their enemies."
Lord Chesterfield