Perfectionists are People Too

I am not afraid to come out and say it. I am a perfectionist.

I guess its always been a part of me, ever since I was a little girl. Perfectionism, a trait so lovingly instilled in me by my parents, has been perhaps my greatest tool throughout life. As far back as I can remember, my parents have pushed me to do my best. So I did. I excelled in school, sports, music, you name it, I did it and did it well. One of my high school history teachers jokingly asked me if I was Wonder Woman, since there was apparently nothing that I couldn’t succeed at. As far as I’m concerned, I am Wonder Woman. Armed with my perfectionism, I can conquer anything. Nothing can stop me!

Well, so I thought anyway. Sure, perfectionism has brought me great grades, college acceptances, scholarships, awards, and a job in my undergraduate field. It has prepared me for a life time of success in the professional world. I had great shining moments in the sun and shared my talents with the world.

But being a perfectionist has its pitfalls. Just under 2 months away from my 23 birthday and I’m living at home with my parents. I’m working a mindless job that I very nearly dread. I haven’t had a boyfriend in almost 4 years (well almost 2 if you count the 4 month “relationship without the title”, but that’s another story altogether) and my social life is pretty much nonexistent.

I, SaxPlayer2, am static for the first time in my life. I’m going through an emotional recession, the low period to end all low periods. I’m in a kind of cocoon, a stasis, waiting for the next phase of life to begin so that I can emerge as the brilliant butterfly I know I should be. All because I’m a perfectionist.

I chose to live at home so that I could save enough money this year to pay for my master’s degree. I was extremely fortunate to come out of my undergraduate years debt free, so the perfectionist in me wants to accomplish the same thing. I worked hard, both at my job and for my auditions, and am going to be coming out of grad school with minimal loans.

The mindless job is almost over, thank god. I’m starting a new job for the summer, learning and practicing my instrument repair skills. The brief taste I had of working at a job that made me think, pay attention, use my hands, and problem solve without the need to control rampant children all day was delicious. I cannot wait to get out of the classroom and into the backroom repair shop. I want to spend the summer tinkering around with instruments, learning a trade that I will be able to use (and hopefully also make money from) in my future career.

And I’m hoping the whole boyfriend/social life thing will work itself out once I get to Pittsburgh. I’ll get a fresh start in a big city in a new state. I’ve had such a problem with relationships in the past because I wanted them to be perfect. I wanted everything to go so well that I lost myself. I bent over backwards to please the guy I was with until I eventually suffocated them and forgot about my own happiness. And it certainly didn’t help that I spent my weekends practicing for auditions instead of going out and meeting new people.

I know there are a lot of perfectionists out there on ProgressiveU too. You don’t need to profess it, unless you want to, it can just be our little secret. But I wrote this blog for you, perfectionists. Its ok to stress out about the small stuff, to get worried about every minute detail, to want everything in both your professional and personal lives to be “just so”. And its ok to be imperfect. It happens to the best of us. Even the smartest and most progressive of us, the ones with the most talent, ability, and potential, can end up as 20-somethings living at home, working dead end jobs, and spending our Friday nights on the couch watching reruns of Family Guy with our parents.

Just remember that for every low period in your life, perfectionists, there will be incredible, soaring highs. Your hard work, your attention to detail, your unwillingness to settle for second best will be greatly rewarded. Stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel and you’ll be sure to come out on top once again.

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