It's the last day in December and I'm sitting here wondering what next year will bring to me. I am really hoping it will be good and even better than this year was. 2007, I have to admit was a good year for me. I found love, the kind of love I have been waiting for me. I found so much in just one person this year, and it's still so amazing to me. I could honestly call this my miracle in 2007. 2008 will bring a lot of different changes to me, I will be out of school and living on my own probably. There are many other changes that will be happening. I am excited for these things but also in a way scared. I guess you could call it as being scared. I kinda also can't wait to live on my own, well with my boyfriend and spend my life with him. He is everything to me and I don't think I have learned how to show that. He is everything that I could have ever asked for. And now that I have him I cannot sit here and let myself throw it away. I will keep fighting to keep this strong, or at least make it strong again. I sit here and think that I am causing all of this, then he tells me that I'm not. But honestly I think he is only just saying that so I won't be hurt BUT I do know the truth..I think that when he is mad his true feelings come out, well sometimes, and that's when I hear that I do cause all these problems.
Also for 2008, I hope that I do a little work on myself. I explain it in every entry that I type, but I'm not sure that I've made it easily to understand. I have become the person I never thought was even inside of me. It is kind of surprising for me to figure out that I am this way, and I think that I have been avoiding it. I really need to just sit here and think for a long time about everything that needs to change. I really hope I can do this, it just seems so hard to me. My resolutions are the things that I am going to really work for this year, if the only year I could fix things, this would be the year to do it. I still cannot understand where I went so wrong and how I am letting us fall apart. That doesn't even sound right saying that out loud because I could never picture us falling apart. The thing I need to really start doing it pulling him back inside instead of pushing him away, which I feel like I really am doing. Pushing him away would completely just break my heart into pieces and I feel like my heart is falling apart already. How could this be happening again? I don't want to think about spending any time apart from him because I don't see that fixing anything because if I am causing the problems, being away from him wouldn't make them go away. They would still be there.
What else can I do whenever I have been trying and nothing seems to be helping? What else can I possibly do? Someone please, any advice?
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