Brick walls loom in front of me, no matter what path I try to take. I keep trying to further myself and give the most I can to my precious little girl, but the odds are stacked against me.
I was looking at homes that had been foreclosed and found a three bedroom, two bath house in my area for $40,000. That is a sickly low price for the house that I am telling you about. It needs some work, but the prospect excited me...having something to call my own, and make into whatever I wanted it to be. However, I am 21. No bank will give me the loan...
I called my mom and asked her if she or my grandparents could help, but I received a firm NO. I am the black sheep, the 'failure' that ruined their reputation as a 'perfect' family. I don't get invited to funerals or weddings, in fact, I just met my cousins husband yesterday, by accident at the fair.
I have tried to go back to college but one ruling from my governor threw me out the doors. I am an optimistic person, so I took that as a sign that I needed to focus on my daughter-so I have.
I keep thinking that just maybe something can go right...but it seems like I always learn the hard way...LOL. It's not funny, but I try to stay sweet about it. At 18, I dug myself a DEEP hole of debt and am trying to shimmy my way out. I had to put two semesters of 18 credit hours' books on credit cards for a total of $980, then a rental car on one for $1600...just a rental car...Then the car that had been flooded, as my insurance found a way to not cover it all-even though I was fully covered...another $4600. Plus $10,000 school debt for one year...with $18,000 scholarship monies. That's not even all of it, unfortunately.
I do NOT want your sympathy, I am using this as an outlet...and to let you peer into me. I have grown as a person from all of these lessons. I had a baby at 16...and haven't missed a thing. In fact, I think my life has been made better by her presence. I am not sure where I would be without her, to be honest.
And...something I hate to admit...I live with my boyfriend...which is not at all a bad thing....but money and alcohol mean more to him than me. It's starting to wear on me. I know he loves me, but the lack of physical relationship is hard when we sleep in the same bed. I have given him all I can and have, and find nothing in return. He was sleeping on an air mattress...I bought us a great matress, a bigger TV, good food, silverware and dishes...just the conventional things.
In the end, all my decisions have cut my own throat. I am responsible for the outcome, but I can't seem to give up on people...I find people to be more important to me than anything else...whether I know them or not, I care. It's a vice and a great thing...I have never been able to put myself first. And even though I feel like a failure, I will never regret the way I treat others.
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I'm sorry about the credit situation--but you're just like the millions of other people out there and that needs to change. Books and tuition are expensive but luckily I haven't gotten caught in that yet...I'm glad that you're responsible for your decisions, but credit cards and insurance policies are complete rip-offs. I think there should be some kind of financial class available in high school because honest to God if it hadn't been for my husband I would be about a million dollars in debt!
They need to go after predatory lenders, and the interest rates on credit cards. These people say they care...let's see it.
I for one admire you keeping your head held up this entire time and I honestly believe more people should learn from you about perservering the way you do. Having a mother like you I'm sure your little girl will grow up to be a strong woman too.
and a lot of people have gone into her upbringing and invested their hearts and souls into her..She is lucky but not wholly on account of me. I think I am the lucky one!!