I met a guy, he was handsom, he was funny, he was charismatic, he was amazing. The first 6 mos. of our relationship was blissful and beautiful. However, the bliss was soon over as the saying goes, " ignorance is bliss", it is so true because soon I learned the truth about my prince charming. A little after our 6 mos. anniversary, I learned that he had lied to me about multiple things. When I confronted him, he broke down crying and expressed what I believed to be true remorse; I forgave him. However, I soon learned that he had continued lying to me, when confronted again I saw a completely different side of my love, a violent, hurtful streak. This time there was no remorse on his side but mine. As he excused himself, the blame for the lies were not on himself but on me.
I was "too great" the expectations for him were "too high", feeling bad for the fact that I may have put too much pressure on our relationship I forgave him. As in most abusive relationships, the abuser always makes the abusee feel responsible for their actions.
After a period of bliss once more, the glass shattered, again a lie. This time, the confrontation was exactly that-a confrontation; full blown yelling, screaming ,cursing, and a tantrum. I was in shock, how could this perfect man show such anger to me, break my things, and cuss me out? He must be under stress, he would never do this to me or act this way under normal circumstances. After flowers, a teddy bear, love notes, and endless apologies, I gave in, surely he has learned his lesson, surely he can't be lying when he sounds so sincere.
With no lies for awhile, and an incident leaving my prince homeless, we moved in together. We found the most perfect, beautiful home. We were expieriencing the life of lovers, friends, and roomates. My prince was not the most clean person, but is something so small not to overlook. I would make dinner, his lunches for work, clean, do laundry and wait up for him. He had a new job which seemed great except the fact that he never got home earlier than 2 a.m. (going in at 11 a.m. might I add). Everything was smooth sailing-or so I thought. The stress of a new environment effected us both, and soon the lies emerged. This time, after a year and a half of forgiveness, I would not have it. When telling this to my ex, I expierienced something I hope no other girl would ever have to- an epiphany of what kind of person my love truely was. He threw a tantrum beyond anything I have ever expierienced in my life. He threatened me with a knife, ruined all my furniture, and phsyically abused me and threw me out of my house (that I had payed for) with none of my belongings and a fractured foot.
I limped to a neighbor's home and used his phone to call my mother. When she arrived we went to retrieve all things we could. As we gathered my things, my ex still remained violent. I went to the E.R. to discover that my foot was fractured in 3 places, I was covered in bruises and shame. Not shame of the love I expierienced but shame for letting it get so far and being this person making excuses for the bruises or boyfriend had given her. The saying goes "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." This is an important saying for women to take with them. I am not saying people do not deserve second chances, but when that chance turns into another and another, progressing violently each time, It is time for you to take a stand.
I now live alone, I am going to college, and most of all I am happy. I am no longer scared or on edge from wondering what my boyfriend is saying is true.It has not been easy, but it is much better. Being with someone abusive will eventually drain you, you will stop focusing on yourself and more on the excuses you have to make for your lover, and being scared of what he is capable of. There are other people out there, many of time, we believe we will never find anyone, our abusers make sure to bring out our worst qualities as insurance and we believe them. However, we are beautiful and we can find a person who can appreciate us for who we are, and we can be in a relationship that makes us feel wonderful not pain. Whos marks will be shown by the glow on our face, not the bruises.
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That sucks, that you love someone so much that you let them hurt you. Its good that you took a stand. All relationships have problems, but when they get to that level they must be stopped. Whatever happened, was not your fault. There is NO reason for such violence in any relationship. Even after the violence, it takes a very long time to heal.