I like the long drives, they don't bother me at all
At 7 days old, I was being packed around
Riding in a car, on my way from the hospital straight to a powwow
Called Arlee Celebration, it was the 86th annual in 1984
Located west of the highway
Down Powwow Road
Sounds of drums, bells, and jingles, loud powwow sounds.
Slept through it all so peaceful
Didn't bother me at all
Babies are born with two natural fears:
Afraid of loud noises and afraid to fall.
Sitting by the drum in my mother's arms.
The hard down beat in a song
The loudness of the voices and the drum
Was never a fear of mine,
I'd heard it already while I was in the womb
After the powwow was over for the night
After the sound of the drums and bells had stopped.
I cried.
I didn't mind the long drives then
and I don't mind them now.
As long as I'm on my way to a powwow.
I love the powwows, I was born to dance.
Always knew the beat and steps instinctively.
Always danced on beat.
Always loved dancing and it
Always made me so happy.
In my cloth dresses, beadwork, and hairties on
Feeling so pretty
Is a favorite memory.
Dancing was a gift given to me.
All my life
spent
waiting for powwows in the winter
traveling for hours to powwows in the summer.
Dancing at every reservation powwow
Until I gave it up, succumbing to alcohol's powers
As the 49 became more important than the powwow
Leaving the powwow early to buy beer and go to the bar
Scrambling desperately trying to figure out...
Who am I?
And most importantly
WHY?
I forgot I had the heart of a fancy dancer beating inside.
I forgot that the central part of the powwow
besides snagging
Was where the dancing and drumming were taking place.
I forgot I belonged
and
Was a part of the powwow world that
Welcomes all who choose to dance to dance hard
With open arms, no bad feelings or hearts
Just an appreciation and respect coming from
Knowing who we are
I no longer ask who am I, I ask when is the next powwow
and where? Because I'm going to be there.
I always said when I was a little girl
That when I got older, I'd be the only fancy dancer
In the golden age category
Still high steppin and able to twirl
Because my heart is strong and will be strong from dancing hard
Not drinking at the bar.
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