So I've decided that I need to find a church. I've been off and on very infrequently going to various churchs, but now I feel that I need a church I can call home. I need the fellowship and the worship and all that comes with it.
So it should be super easy to just go to a church and be like Ok, I like it. but its not. atleast not for me.
I don't know what it is. a fear of meeting new people maybe. Churchs have always seemed to me very clique-ish. There is nothing wrong with that unless your on the outside. I've always been the kind of person who likes to have a group of close best friends. not I'm not and never have been the 'i can meet someone and instantly be friends with them' kind of person. and I doubt I ever will
I think its also that going to church would mean, weekly (or more), that I would have to admit that I am a sinner and that there is so much more I could be doing for God. The church doesn't make me feel bad about it, its just I remember when I'm there that I need, want to change. and change is scary.
I've also always felt kind of behind. Like everyone else knows so much more than me. I know you dont have to pass a test to be a Christian, but I've just always felt like second class, I guess. I dont know as much as them. I didnt grow up going to bible school and church retreats.
I dont know really want my point is other than the things you need or want to do most in life are sometime's the hard to do, but I'm getting there. Last night I visited saddle back and I really like it. Now i just have to suck it up and try a couple more.
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I've been looking for a church for about a year now. In my town theres not too much choice. It seems every church I go to I'm an outsider and it makes it hard to feel comfortable and like you belong. And the most important part of church is feeling that belong, that its a safe place. I completely know what you mean
~ Be so strong that nothing can disturb your piece of mind~