What's your greatest fear? If you've read the book "Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban" you may remember that the boggarts in the story took the shape of whatever the person facing them was most afraid of. From a least favorite teacher to giant spiders to the dementors that lived on fear itself, each persons deepest fears were revealed as they faced the boggart. In order to counter the boggarts attack the individual facing it had to turn the image of what they feared into something funny and laugh at the boggart.
If I had to face that boggart I'm not sure what it would look like, or how I would counter it. It's hard to be terrified of a giant spider if you imagine it slipping around on roller skates and falling down, and a scary teacher might not be so frightening if you imagine him in your grandma's night gown. But what does failing look like? How do you turn failing into something funny?
I think I've always been kind of afraid of failing. I'll get a nagging question in the back of my mind saying "what if you're not good enough?" Sometimes that fear can motivate me to try harder, because I'm afraid anything less then my best will be a failure, but some times I'm so afraid I'll fail that I'm afraid to even try. It seems so silly sometimes, but I'm terrified of not being good enough.
This past week I was reminded that even though I managed to get a job that I love without having a degree, I'll probably have to go to college before I can advance any more in my career. I'm an assistant preschool teacher, and while I love what I do I don't want to be the assistant forever, so I am again thinking about college. I've been off and on thinking about going to college since the end of my junior year in high school (before then it hadn't occurred to me that I might want to, let alone have any chance at being able to afford to, go to college), but the idea is more then a little scary.
When I think about going to college I worry that it will be too expensive, but even more then that I'm terrified of failing or barely keeping up. I homeschooled for 1st-12th grade, so while I think I'm reasonably smart, I have no idea what it's really like to have my work graded by someone else, and I have very little reference to compare my academic abilities to. I'm terrified I'll be the person who gives homeschoolers a bad name by going into college thinking they're reasonably smart and then failing or barely passing.
I'm scared my writing won't be up to par - I enjoy writing (sometimes), but I could just about count on one hand the number of things I've written longer then two typed pages, and when my friends talk about their latest writing projects I sometimes wonder if I've ever written that much in my life. Even reading some peoples blogs I think it would take me a year to write as much as they write in a month or two. If by some miracle my writing does manage to pass in college, I'm sure I'll have forgot too much math to pass college, after all I haven't done particularly well at math since finishing the algebra course I used in 6th and 7th grade. Whether it's my writing, or my math, or just not managing my time well enough to find time to study, I'm terrified I'll fail if I go to college, but I'm trying to build up the courage to go for it even though I'm scared.
I know its scary going back. The list of 'what if's are endless. If you do not go you will have failed if facing your fear and failed an attempt at further succes. A college, esspecially a junior, college will start you off at the level you are and bring you upward and on ward. As for your writing skills, what I know from you here you are amazing at typing your thoughts and ideas out understandably, plus you know how to do your research. These are the things you will learn in your first english classes along with how to properly site a source.
Honestly I think you are way ahead of the crowd and have nothing to worry about except failing to go back.
I hope you go for the reasons you say and the sense of accomplishment. Good Luck
~T
A nation of well informed men who have been taught to know and prize the rights which God has given them cannot be enslaved. It is in the region of ignorance that tyranny begins. ~Benjamin Franklin
One of my favorite quotes says "Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light."
I think that fits well here. The longer you put it off, the more fearful of failure you're likely to become. Taking a leap and giving yourself a chance to prove your fears wrong will be the only way you're able to triumph.
The reality is, we aren't all going to be great at everything. Failure is as much a part of life as is living itself. The only way we will know, however, what we are great at is if we give ourselves that chance and realize that even if we fail, we've succeeded in learning more about who we are and what we still have to accomplish. And that is anything but failure.
-----
Like writing? So do we!
~Fallon~
"If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams."- Pace
-----
I agree with everyone else. You have to face your fears! Take it from me. I am also afraid of failure, but I tried and I am in college. If you never try than you won't fail and when you fail you realize what you did wrong. Then you can go and pick up the pieces to make something better. I told myself I would never set foot inside a hospital again after watching my mom die..and I am going to school to be a nurse! Among alot of other things I plan on doing. Take a chance or live life being afraid to. At the end of the day if you fail you will say at least I tried. But you won't fail trust me. My math sucked, my writing was/is awful, among other things. Just try!
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~
You needn't be so afraid. You saw how we all helped Fallon through her math woes... we can just as easily help you. Your biggest drawback is that you don't type very fast, but that can be improved with practice. All the problems you conceive of right now can be overcome if you're determined enough, and we're all to help you along the way.
Personally, I'm not so afraid of failure (I've certainly lived through enough of that this year), but more of making sure I'm going the right away; making sure I'm making the right choices, all that sort of thing.
~C
Check out the latest entry in the Between The Lines column!
Want the highest rated list to change? RATE those blogs, then!
I'm a untraditional student. I entered back in when I was 23, and found that this was actually something to my benefit. After all, I was more mature and dedicated to my studies than to partying.
You can do it! We'll help, as Mvenus929 said. How can you fail when you've got this many cheerleaders and tutors? ^_^
For money, you can go to your financial aid and ask them for advice. You can also check out the links on my website (Insanitek below) and see some of the scholarship and other financial aid links I've got up. I put them up while I looking around for me, so they are not all there is out there. You can get a lot of information from your local libraries.
As for writing, if you are going to undergraduate level, I've not seen much that is to leave you awed and inspired by passing students. The people on here write far better than those I've gone to school with.
See what math you need and go get a book from the library on it before applying. You'll up your confidence and as a bonus, you'll get a higher score in the class. It works, but you gotta be motivated!
Best of luck!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can't ignore me, for I'll not lie down quietly.
http://insanitek.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
You will face your fear.
You will permit it to pass over you and through you.
And when it has gone past you will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only you will remain.
Good luck to you! I am sure you will do great! :-)
"What a crazy random happenstance!"
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Read my Blog!
Thank you to all who have commented for the support and encouragement. As nervous as I am about the idea of starting college, it helps to know I have friends supporting me and that you're willing to help me through it if I do start college.
:-SS
"Life is too short to make just one decision
Music's too large for just one station
Love is too big for just one nation and
God is too big for just one religion"
-Michael Franti and Spearhead "East to the West"
I think you will do great. Trust me if I can go you can go. :)
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~