Too much of anything is not good. This includes therapy.
Seriously, I have had enough. I think that if I hear "When you ___, I feel ___" or, "My intention for the meal was..." I am going to have a mental breakdown. I have a brilliant idea: Let's NOT talk about our feelings!!!
But speaking of feelings, I have a FEELING I am going to be homeless very, very soon. The apartment I was going to look at on Sunday....yeah. I called the guy at 4 (WHEN HE SAID TO CALL!) and told me "Oh, I'm sorry. A couple came in this afternoon and put down a deposit."
Fuck.
But then I went on Craigslist and found this other apartment in Hillcrest--which, HELLO! is SUCH an awesome neighborhood. I called the lady and she said to call her back today at 6. So I called her a little before 6 and she didn't answer. When she called back, we were in the middle of dinner and therefore I could not answer. She left a voicemail, but seeing as I had 18 other new voicemails I had not yet listened to (who the fuck listens to voicemails?? I sure don't), I didn't bother getting the message. When I got around to it, I heard "Angie, this is Ingrid! (Side note--Ingrid?? Enough said). I'm SO sorry, but someone came in 2 hours ago and put down a deposit on the place."
WHAT IS THIS?!? The two hours BEFORE my set call time are crucial: they're apparently the peak visiting and putting-down-deposit hours. So I've come up with a brilliant plan:
I find an apartment I'm interested in. I call said apartment. They tell me to call back at a certain time. And I do....BUT THREE HOURS BEFORE I'M SUPPOSED TO!!!!!! Hahahahaha!
It's fool proof.
Genius? Yeah, I know.
I feel like I came at the perfect time to HG. Not just because my life was in danger and had I stayed in my behaviors much longer I might not be typing this right now, but because SO many people here are leaving right around the time I am that I'm glad I'm not staying longer and have to be without them. Laura, for example. She's leaving Thursday (my birthday! what kind of present is that?!), and being here without her laughing and saying "BE JEALOUS!" all the time will leave a void in the house. She needs a ride to the airport Jeudi matin (that's how our French friends say Thursday morning) at 5:45, and I volunteered to do it just so I can spend extra time with her. That's devotion right there, my friends.
And ESM (Evil Staff Member....I don't know why I bother abbreviating it when I explain what it means every time) is having her last day on Wednesday and this saddens me. Yeah, she went batshit crazy when she found Fiber One in our cabinets and she forced Ensure down my throat and she gets PISSED when you ask her to go to the bathroom after meals, but I'll miss her nonetheless. She appreciates my vast knowledge of pop culture and I always giggle when hearing the "Pat the Outdoor Cat (Who's Now Pat the Indoor Cat)" story.
Sigh.
A new girl is coming on Saturday, my last day. People come in cycles here. It's crazy. I'm thinking of asking Laurie to stay a few days for either a) free or b) as close to free as I can get until I find another place to reside.
Since I'm going out the night of my actual birthday, we're celebrating here at the HG the night before. With cheesecake. My idea, baby. Why?
1.) I'm going to have to eat some type of artery-clogging, thigh-expanding food no matter what.
2.) Cheesecake only happens to be the BEST FOOD EVER!!
I've always felt this way. Even when my nickname could have "Annie Rexie," I still was down for the c-cake. It's THAT good.
In body image group last week, we had to look at ads of models and write an Anti-Ad to them. I wrote from the perspective of the girl in the ad, and it went a little something like this:
"Hi, I'm Annie Rexie, and I'm here to sell you confidence! By malnourishing your body and getting down to the smallest size imaginable, you can find true happiness! And by ignoring all body cues, you can fit into the same frock as I do! With stylish clothes, men will notice you! The key to happiness is getting a man's attention, since men are the only way you can feel like a valid person! To achieve my level of satisfaction, self-harm is a MUST! Let me introduce you to my friend Ed; he can show you the rest..."
Ahh, the media. I'm glad I'm not a journalism major anymore.
We went to the Meditation Gardens (yes, there is such a place) yesterday. While I was um....meditating? on a bench, some guy came up to me and said "May I share this bench with you?"
No, asshole. By sharing my bench, you will completely inhibit any ability I have to focus on getting in touch with my inner self.
"Um, okay."
FUCK. I'm eliminating those two words from my vocabulary. UM and OKAY. UM isn't even a word!
It's very, very stressful to become one with yourself while you have a creepy guy in a yellow polo meditating next to you.
My mom's visiting Friday in honor of my day o' birthing. I'm thinking of calling and telling her I'm busy. What's the point? I don't mean to sound cocky, but when it comes to my parents, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.
My dad's in Wisco right now. Every time I talk to him, he asks "Do you ever read Jsonline.com?? That's for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal."
Okay, first of all, I KNOW what JSonline is for. I lived in Milwaukee for 18 fucking years, dad.
Anyways.
"Did you know there's 20 inches of snow? And a horrible job market?? And utter despair and loneliness and complete bankruptcy and all the things horrible about life back within the Wisconsin border?? That if you go there you'll be sucked into a deep hole of depression and financial dependency that you'll never get out of? You can't finish school and you'll wind up a crack addict that sells their body for crack money."
Okay, I might've exaggerated on some parts of that, but that's the general drift of what he's saying.
I think (and don't hold me to this) that I will be returning to D-Stall in March for Spring Break. I'm doing the opposite of the norm: Who the FUCK goes from SAN DIEGO to WEST ALLIS, WISCONSIN during COLLEGE SPRING BREAK?!?
Angie, that's who!!
Ahh. The snow might be melting, slush will be all around, and it will be sunny but still freezing. Midwest, how I've missed you.
As much as I'd love to sit and dissect my feelings more (hah. Or NOT), I have to go look for a place to live. So in 4 days I don't wind up, you know, homeless.
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