Let's Bring Sex Back

It was a slow day at the waterfront. Sitting on the dock and basking in the sun a coworker and I began to discuss more than the trivial matters of weather and dinner plans. The conversation turned to premarital sex. He said to me, “People don’t know how much they will hurt the person they will marry.” It was an intriguing statement. I understand that some people choose not to get married—some find happiness without a marital commitment, but I think the concept still applies. I also realize that people mature at different rates and sex is something cherished by many couples—this is not an attack on those individuals. It is merely a perspective on the deterioration of morals in culture.

In a society that encourages sex in any and every venue I think the beauty in the act has been discarded. I think sex is something intimate and precious. YES, it can be fun or funny. Sex can be hilarious, serious, animalistic………the list is endless. The point is—sex is a GIFT. When you have sex with someone you are giving them a part of yourself. Sex SHOULD be linked with emotions. It should be charged and energized by peoples love for one another. I think when people start jumping from bed to bed just for the physical pleasure, however, that the meaning of the act is lost.

I believe this is why so many people confuse love and lust. Lust is the tingly feeling you get inside when he brushes against your arm. Lust is the way the smell of her perfume sends shivers down your spine. Love is so much deeper than giving chocolates and exchanging notes in chemistry class. Love is about listening and supporting eachother. Love is about drying his tears or holding her hair while she vomits into the toilet. I firmly believe that if you are not ready for the commitment and work (yes, it is work) that is love then you cannot possibly be ready for sex. The media (and our peers) feed us images and ideas of sex that are ridiculous.

I am sure many of you have heard the “rule” that by the third date one must sleep with a potential partner to see if there is “physical compatibility.” WHAT?! Are you kidding? How can we put numbers on something like sex? Everyone is ready at a different time and forcing something just for physical pleasure is a violation of everything sex stands for. Why is it that if you are twenty-three and a virgin people think there must be something horribly wrong?

Reducing sex to a purely pleasure-producing act is not only discrediting the act itself, but also the individuals involved. Treating one another as objects of sexual desire is, whether or not the individuals realize it, harmful. Individuals long to be loved—not lusted after. Eventually an individual will want to be more than a pretty face to call up on a boring Saturday evening. Eventually the individual will want a pair of loving arms to crawl back to after a trying day.

Which brings us back to my coworker’s words. “People don’t know how much they will hurt the person they will marry.” I think there is power in these words. Regardless if you wait until marriage or not—I think that treating sex as merely a physical pleasure is a mistake. Individuals that seek solely pleasure from sex must be very lonely. But the truth is that the void in your heart will not be filled by escapades at three in the morning.