So this is completely crazy to me. My nephew is 4, close to 5, his birthday is in November. For the past 3 years, his father has had absolutely nothing to do with him. When I say nothing, I mean not even a birthday card, christmas gift, phone call, or any other form of communication. Last year sometime, he filed for visitation rights and didn't even show up for the court hearing. What a lamo - talk about birth control - this story is for all you young teenagers that think that getting pregnant with the love of your life is a good idea. I'm here to tell you through the eyes of a loving sister and aunt, it's not a good idea at all. Mature people have more bad things happen to them than you would like to think, so get your education, be somebody, then have children!
My sister was planning on marrying this sperm donor prior to the pregnancy. She had a ring from him and the plan was for him to be a truck driver and her to be the happy housewife. Around the time that my nephew was about a yr old...mr. sperm donor dropped out of the relationship without warning, married another woman that has children of her own, and never spoke to my nephew again. Prior to dropping out the relationship, he was extremely neglectful of my nephew. He would sleep until 11 in the morning, while my nephew lay soaking and crying in his crib. He hadn't been fed nor changed since my sister left for work at 7 that morning...yeah, she had to get a job because that lamo decided that working just wasn't his thing. My father even caught him basically cheating on my sister in her apartment (no job means you don't get to pay the bills) with some chic that he would stay out all night with hanging in the Wal-Mart parking lot, of all places.
Fast forward 3 1/2 years, my sister gets brought to court yet again for visitation rights. Sperm donor must have witheld court ordered child support to pay for his condecending attorney. Yeah, he hadn't paid in months and only caught up on his child support because he needed his license back to resume truck driving. The day of the hearing he was already a month behind. Apparently, Ohio doesn't care if the father pays child support like they are supposed to or not when it comes to visitation rights. So, the hearing ends with his parents getting visitation rights to afford my nephew the opportunity to get comfortable with seeing those scum bags again. Trust me folks, these people redefine the meaning of trailor trash. They have cars in the back yard of their homes that are overgrown with moss and grass because they had no where else to put the vehicle after it "died." The grandmother has some sort of titanium leg for which the pain is evidently so severe that her pain meds make her fall asleep in the waiting room area of the court house. But, she is designated as the provider of transportation for the visits because neither the sperm donor nor his father want to drive to pick up my nephew. None of them apparently know what a car seat is because they show up to pick up my nephew without one.
My sister asked for supervised visitation, well the magistrate deemed the "supervision" to be grandma and grandpa. Well, grandpa has/had a drinking problem for which he attends AA meetings and thinks it's appropriate to bring my nephew along to the meetings. What a fun time for the nephew sitting and listening to adult problems that really shouldn't be discussed. Then the sperm donor's bright idea of a good time is to let my nephew play games similar to Grand Theft Auto. My nephew comes home talking about beating up cops and robbing people at gunpoint. Uh, is that really what a responsible parent lets their children do? Of course, he doesn't really care because he just has to find some sort of entertainment for the every Sunday visit. He couldn't possilby know what my nephew really likes to do since he hasn't seen or talked to him in the past 3 1/2 years, now could he.
The system is a joke. To let this happen to my nephew enrages me. Visitation was never denied of those people, they denied seeing my nephew. My sister used to let the grandpa take him for a day, but then grandpa decided he made the rules and wouldn't bring him back until 2 or 3 in the morning. He wouldn't even leave his cell on for my sister to contact him to find out where her son was. He got tired of the rules and started stalking my nephew and my sister when my sister stopped letting grandpa take my nephew after incidents of not bringing him back at an appropriate time and not being able to contact him when my nephew was with him.
So, he proceeds to go to the daycare and pull him out of daycare because my nephew wanted to leave with him. Mind you, nobody knew that he knew where my nephew went to daycare at. My sister certainly didn't tell him. Further, the man would stand outside my sister's apartment banging incessantly and calling her phone saying "i know you're in there, i can see you" from outside in the parking lot. But, the magistrate was more concerned with my sister's apparently "pissed" look on her face to hear anything about police reports or the incidences of neglect by the father in previous attempts of visitation. Further, they get to pick him up every Sunday, which means if I want to take my nephew to the zoo, I can just forget it. I live 3 hours away and it wouldn't be possible to pick him up on a Saturday for the zoo and return him the same day. Moreover, I don't feel that those hillbillies should have the pleasure of influencing my nephew.
My biological father owes $40000+ in child support, and no one seems to want to make him pay it. We're currently filling out paperwork to get that money. You're right; the system is a joke.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
It's really sad to see that father's feel it's actually ok to give up their responsibilities of taking care of their children. It's just so wrong. The system does everything they can to take children out of homes that are slightly unfit, but they don't have any real way of collecting the child support that the children deserve. I'm sorry that you are part of the vast amount of children that have not been supported as they should have. Do you see your dad, or is he like my nephew's father and could care less?
I've not seen my father since I was 4. It's been 13 years...lol
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
I'm assuming from your previous comment when you said "my biological father" that you have a father figure in your life? My nephew doesn't even really care that he doesn't have that person called a "dad". In fact, I don't think I have even heard him ever use the word but once. When other kids ask him about it, he says he doesn't have a dad, but he has a papa, which is my dad. Granted it's really bad when a biological father doesn't isn't involved in their children's lives, I think that you are probably better off without him if he's that type of person. I know my nephew is better off not having his father around to influence him with the spite that he feels for my sister.
I have a step-dad, but I absolutely despise him. We just don't get along. My "sperm donor" is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and not a great person. I don't mind not knowing him, but I'm trying to get a car and get into college. I don't have the money necessary to pay for it all and not end up in $20 billion worth of debt. The money he owes me would certianly put a dent in that sum, though.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
I think that there are child support advocacy groups out there. I'm sorry that you are having such a rough go at it. You will become a stronger man in the end and learn from the wrongdoing of others. I hope that you will realize when you are in the position of that which your "father" (I use that term loosely) was in, you will choose a different path. I'll try to look on the net to see if I can find what I'm talking about. I know it sounds silly, but at the end of nearly all the paternity shows that Maury does, he gives a web address for a child support advocacy group that may be able to help you. That info might be on the Maury show site.
I have seen my cousin grow up without a father and his mother (my aunt) is currently in prison right now serving time for her 9th DUI. She is a raging alcoholic and has done nothing to promote any kind of good in my cousin. So, not only does he not have a dad, he pretty much doesn't have a mother either. He has chosen the wrong path himself. He has 2 sons, one of which he does nothing for, and the other he doesn't pay child support for because he always works under the table. But, more than money, he doesn't provide any kind of emotional support for either of his sons. It's sad that I even have to call him my cousin because I definitely have a hard spot in my heart for fathers that don't do a darn for their children and leave it up to the mothers to do all the work.
Support Kids is a child support advocacy program...here's the number, they may be able to help you... 1-800-499-4313
If i were hanging out in Daytona I guess the Child Support Enforcement could come after my money anyway they can, but the Department of Socialist Services don't care that I'm trying to keep custody of my kids, helping them with their homework and making sure they eat right while their mother is hanging out with her friend while claiming that she is actually working. The kids were left alone unsupervised and the judges granted custody to the mother. They always do and I think I know why: Kids from single Moms show up in juvenile court more often than any other parental arrangement and the judges know that. They need to keep their seat on the bench and justifiy further funding by creating future deliquents.
Hold me in contempt!
There's no doubt that the mother appears to have more rights in an court hearing than a father. I see that as very unfortunate in circumstances such as yours. I don't exactly agree with your rationality of why this occurs, as if it's some type of job security measure by the judges and magistrates. As with most situations that are viewed in the eyes of the court systems, the decision is made through interpretation of the law and the circumstances relative to the decision.
I recently took a Business Law course. From that course I learned that all common law,or judge made law, is based upon previous decisions upheld by the courts. However, the common law decisions are based on the interpretation by the following judge that is chosen to decide on a similar case. The situations and circumstances of the following case should be pretty exact to the previous decision made by the previous judge. To me, it seems as if judges these days take this role of interpreting the law and previous decisions a bit too lightly. By that I mean, there may have been a similar case in your area where the judge or magistrate had to make a decision on custody and child support. Instead of taking the circumstances in total to make the decision, the judge/magistrate merely skimmed the details and moved on to the next case by ruling like he/she had done previously. That is wrong. Each case should be independent a free from a previous decision if the circumstances are different.
In my sister's case, the magistrate decided prior to my sister entering the hearing that "they are going to walk out of here today with visitation whether you like it or not". My sister was not afforded the opportunity to speak her side or defend her son, like a mother should do when confronted with a situation like this. The father was loud and obnoxious during the hearing, even going so far as to say that my sister couldn't have his phone number because she may "harass" him...harass him? She has called him one time since he left her to ask for help in getting a prescription for my nephew. More than the fact that he was court ordered to pay half of all medical costs and obtain med coverage for my nephew, he's his biological father, but he hung up on my sister when she called to ask.
A lot of parents lose out on the rights to their children and are forced to pay for child support in instances where the parent is actually doing more for the kids than the parent who obtains full custody. Just as my sister was unable to have her parental liabilities to keep her son free from emotional harm, the judge in your case just skimmed the details and took you for some sort of dead beat parent for whatever reason. The system puts a lot of kids in harms way and those same kids get into trouble and the world has the nerve to wonder why.
I have a couple comments on your blog. Why in the Hell did your sister's daycare let the sperm-donor's father take the child out. They aren't supposed to let anyone pull the child out of the facility unless they are on that child's list. If they don't have a policy such as this I think your sister should look into changing child care facilities to one that does. I think it sucks that they didn't have any courtesy for her wishes or rules and now they are fighting for rights that they took for granted in the first place.
The system isn't perfect but it's the only one we got. There's never been a suggestion on how to make the system any better than it is because everyone complains about the way it is, but doesn't offer a solution to the problem. I have been that same way. My mother had her children taken away (I was included but I was older and already living with the people that were to become my foster parents). Then later my sister had her daughter taken away. In both their instances I don't think the system was exactly fair and my mother's lawyer was a good for nothing peice of shit that didn't even build a case for her. I was a teenager and could have done better. But since they couldn't comply to everything that the system wanted, they lost their children. My mom's case was pure poverty, she didn't have enough money to take care of us properly so she lost us. As for the right to whether or not the father should be able to take the child after so long of nothing is not a decision that you can make no matter how frustrated you are with the issue. At least there is some sort of effort on his part now, even though in your eyes it is too late. That's the crappy thing about a broken home, you have to deal with these issues with that person for the rest of your life. Cause while your sister is and always will be that childs mom, that sperm-donor is and always will be that child's father no matter how much of a looser he is. Your niece will someday come to realize how much (or how little) he was in her life and it will sink in. Then later on, she'll probably not want to have anything to do with him. Or maybe he will grow up and actually be a good influence in that child's life, you never know. The point I'm trying to make is that guy has the right to see his child no matter what mistakes he's made and how little you and your sister care for him. I'm going through the same thing in my life. My wife has two daughter's with another man and he's a very negative influence on their lives. He doesn't take them as much as I think he should and he doesn't come around as often as his oldest would like. But hey, he does pay his child support. And from a personal note, my father now wants to be in my life and my children's lives, but I'm not all that interested in being in his life. He has done nothing for me, so I don't feel any obligation to allow him in my children's lives. It sucks for him because now his life has changed and he regrets not being there, but it doesn't make up for the fact that he wasn't there.
No day but today
-RENT
The daycare didn't let him leave with the grandfather. They called my sister when he showed up and said that because the daycare has a list of authorized people that can pick my nephew up. I see what you are saying about no matter what, the guy is always gonna be my nephew's father. I'm just concerned for my nephew's emotional and physical safety. He's already been to his "father's" house before and the guy has the nerve to introduce his wife and my nephew's "new mommy". That's not right especially when he hasn't even seen my nephew in years. He knows nothing about him, not his fav food, nor his fav toys. I get that maybe he should be given the opportunity to do that, but not if he's going to bash my sister to my nephew and put all these mixed thoughts into my nephew's head.
At my parents house, where my sis n my nephews live, we don't even talk about that family around him. We don't ever bring our adult issue with his "father" in front of him. He almost 5 and he doesn't need to hear that we don't like that family.
My basic concern is the result of the fact that my nephew's "father" doesn't even want to be responsible for picking him up for the visit. Nor will he allow anyone to have his phone number to contact him when my nephew is with him. What if they don't bring him back on time? There is a past history of that. The "father" further doesn't know how to take care of a 5 year old, I guess I should just feel better that he doesn't have to change diapers.
You are right, there are plenty of complaints about the system, but no real way to solve the problem. It's not entirely perfect, but Ohio has grandparent visitation laws that weren't abided by. My sister and I did our research before the hearing and the magistrate wanted no part of listening to my sister. Yesterday, my nephew didn't even wanna go with them, so now we have to "make" him go with people he doesn't hardly know. I know I would be scared as a kid to do that.
are maggots, but they may be doing us a favor...I have one for my daughter too...and I think if he were actually more involved things would be worse, he would still be beating me up in front of her and he would still be raping me in my sleep...so I am glad that he is gone...And for men that donate their sperm...the women know what they are getting into. But, if someone doesn't want to be a dad, you can't make him...
I agree. That's exactly why we don't like that the courts are pretty much making him be a father when he could care less. The visitations will probably last a month and then they will get tired of driving a half hour to come get my nephew. Too bad for them. I just don't want my nephew to feel like he did something wrong when these hillbillies leave him again.
The courts have no idea what these families go thru nor do they care...