(Ifluenced by "The Way Of The Peaceful Warrior")
Heres a short story, one of many, that i wrote off a whim. Again involving high thinking and rambles. But it all comes down to one thing in the end.
i confused him when i said -- a journey! Oh how i love the journey. when reading a book-- or watching a move representing a book because my attention span isnt what it used to be -- i came upon a line that represents the rules of my life that i shall come to live by from this day on. Not only can we not change the situations around us, because total control is impossible, but we also must accept the intrest of a journey. I shouted it out loud to him, and im sure he heard though he couldnt take in what i meant because he was not in the same room as i when i fully grasped the realization of every peice of my life, even if only for a moment, coming onto one peice of paper saying -- THE EXCITEMENT IS NOT IN THE DESTINATION, BUT IN THE JOURNEY ITSELF. without the journey there would be no destination, no meaning to walking forward. Moving with a purpose. So i thought, for a minute, how my life completly related to this. For the love of my life, i look forward to becoming something, an accepted age persay, and i wait and wait and wait and cry about how it will never be good until i reach my destination of LEGAL. However, because my destination is into the future i must take the journey and the journey makes us stronger and keeping us bound. Its almost like an early ejaculation, unsatisfying if rushed -- forcing to move slow for i know if it was legal to get married i would get on my hands and knees and say "forever be mine"; I could think of no other way to express this feeling then in a forever bond. But see, forever is future and I must be in the now. Now stating that I am alone tonight without him, i could be excited of what i might get in a few days and i could be greatful when reading old messages from my love about how he adores me. But the emotion evolves from this errupting volcano called now. sitting here looking into space and thnking about his lips touching mine in this present moment. remembering what it is like, yes, but feeling him touch me now. and i will fall alseep tonight imagining his being, and savin all my energy to pass through him when he does come, but until then keeping my balance as to the fact that change is possible. I have never opened that to myself before that plans can work but change is possible. between now and then something may happen that can alter everything, or it couldnt. none the less, i need to make sure i am prepared for the best and the worst dissapointment, and still understand that the happiness derives from the now in which i know he is thinking about me and loving me - even if from a distance.
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