I have recently been told that the bible does not forbid premarital sex. Some one informed me that although it is frowned upon, premarital sex is not forbidden anywhere in the bible.
Most Christians use texts about fornication to discourage it...but my "friend" told me fornication comes from the word "porneia" which is not premarital sex but it has something to do with "harmful" sex. "Harmful" can also be defined in different ways. I can see how pre-marital sex can harm a person emotionally or physically.
But sex inside of marriage can also be harmful. So there would be fornication inside of marriage as well. This kind of falls into play with Matthew 5:32 where it is said that if you "put away your wife" you cause her to fornicate. So, wife refers to marriage...so there is fornication in marriage. So it seems that the definition of fornication cannot be "pre-marital sex".
Now the bible does say in 1 corinthians 7:2, that to avoid fornication, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband.
But does this refer to polygamy as fornication? I don't see the word fornication clearly defined in the bible. But I do know it is sinful.
Ive been doing a little internet research and I am still not able to get a clear answer. So if you could please assist me in figuring out whether or not fornication meant premarital sex, or whether that definition was given to the word. Does anyone know what God REALLY meant when he instructed his people not to fornicate?
I'll take answers from christians, muslims, jews, atheists,...anyone who has an opinion or an answer.
Obviously, I don't think that god meant anything. I think that, in the days of the OT, NT, Koran, etc., there were two good reasons to wait. One, people were married at a younger age. Two, there were no really good ways to prevent a pregnancy and, 2.5, I guess, a pregnancy out side of marriage was a bad thing.
I also think there are bad reasons. Namely, sexism and the idea as sex as a sin.
In modern times, I still think there are good and bad reasons. I don't know about waiting until marriage, but I do believe that society's opinion has become very cavalier in regards to sex, which I think leads to problems like teen pregnancy, STD epidemics and the like. Following that reasoning, it can be seen as a very positive thing to say "I'm going to wait until marriage."
On the other had, people are getting married later and there are more ways to practice safe-sex in or out of a marriage.
I think that commitment to your partner is really the big prerequisite.
"What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything!"
H. P. Lovecraft
I haven't studied the NT (though I plan to in the near future), but I've studied the OT very extensively. There are many laws in the OT regarding sex and premarital sex - NONE of them actually prohibit premarital sex. It IS prohibited to have sex with a girl who is engaged to another man, and the punishment for that is death for both the girl and her lover. In those times most girls were engaged at an early age... so it basically meant pre-martial sex was forbidden since you'd be cheating on your fiance.
However, if the girl is unmarried, the guy was required to marry her... simply because if she wasn't a virgin at marriage, she wouldn't be wanted. So the guy has to take responsibility for his actions by basically taking care of her for the rest of her life. That's also the case with rape, by the way... most women would rather marry their rapist than have to face a life entirely alone, with no children (which was very important at that time). Also, some "rapes" may have been arranged as a way for people to marry without their parental approval. You get your lover to "rape" you, and then he's actually required to marry you (though, women were not actually required to marry their rapists, and could divorce their husbands pretty easily for things like not fulfilling them sexually. In the Talmud, there are specific rules for how often a man is required to have sex with his wife to keep her satisfied. It varies according to the profession of the husband, but it's considered a marital duty - NOT of the wife, but of the husband).
I hope that answers your question? :p There's cultural issues around sex before marriage, particular in biblical times - for men it was okay, for women, you HAD to be a virgin at marriage or you could be killed. Sometimes the husband would actually have to cut himself to put blood on the sheet so it would be believed he'd taken his wife's virginity. But pre-marital sex was basically okay as long as both people weren't engaged to someone else, and if the woman was still able to find a husband (or if the guy she had pre-marital sex with was her husband).
I thought it was rather difficult for a woman to initiate divorce, because the husband was the one to actually give the 'divorce decree'.
~C
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Pray for them.
God already knows your heart, and your situation, so you will not have to explain it. God loves you, and wants the very best for you and whoever else is involved.
Do you want to know what you should do to please man, or someone else?
How do you think the Men that wrote the Bible talked to God?
God is real. He is much too big to be contained within a book, and certainly is not contained in the interpretation of that book by people that do not believe in him.
The laws that God gives in the Bible are for the BENEFIT OF THE PEOPLE THAT FOLLOW THEM, not his own benefit. They are good advice that, if you do not heed, will make you suffer. You already know more, in some regards, about the harm caused by fornication than the authors of the bible did. Pray thankfully to the all knowing God that made you, loves you, and only created these laws for your protection, and to protect your future husband, and unborn children.
You will know what you should do. Then you have to do it, and god will help you with that also if you ask.
A Fact is Always Better Than an Ideal.
I actually have a pretty cool book on it that I'd be down with sending you excerpts from if you want to E-mail. I think that with all the hubba-ma-jumbo ring around the rosey that has gone on with the Bible that it is your responsibility to ask God, if thats what you believe in, if you are ready to do that. Look at your reasons for doing it to. How long have you been in the relationship ? Has that person been faithful to you ? Why are you doing it, what are your reasons behind doing it ?
P.s. email = heidi.pepper@yahoo.com