The older I get, the harder it is for me to make friends. Sure, I have friends but I'm not as close to any of them as I was to friend I had, say, three years ago. As I grow, I find myself drawing into myself more and more and becoming less and less open with the people around me.
When I lived in Nebraska, which was basically my entire childhood, I had really close friends. I had one friend in particular who I told everything to. She was two years older than me, but we did almost everything together. We told each other about our problems. We played together. We spent the night at each others' houses. Our parents were really close friends and we even planned on her little brother and my little sister getting married so we could one day be sisters. I don't even talk to her anymore. I saw her about a year and a half ago and that was quite an awkward week. She was a completely different person and so was I. We didn't have any common interests anymore. We grew so far apart.
I had another really close friend when I was about 12, 13 years old. We met on a trip with our youth group. There were no other seats left on the bus, so I sat next to her. We instantly became best friends. Once again, she was someone I did everything with. We would go to the same home group for youth group. I joined the church Easter choir so we could do something together. We went to a concert together. Once again, she and I had plans for her little brother and my little sister to get married so we could one day be sisters (siblings are always great for becoming related to your best friend).
Then, I moved to Okinawa. I lost contact with both girls and my relationships with them are basically nonexistant. While in Okinawa, my relationships with friends went through a weird state. For the first year, I didn't have any close friends at all. I started high school and got really close with a group of girls. We were that group of girls that you see at school who are never apart. I've moved to Germany and we pretty much don't talk to each other that much anymore.
Around December of freshmen year (while I was still in Okinawa), a new girl started coming to my church. At first, I found her intimidating because I thought she was so awesome (which she is). We quickly became the best of friends. She was a major part of my life for about a year. She had to leave the island because her dad got cancer and needed treatment in the States. I've pretty much lost all contact with her as well.
Now, I live in Germany and I have friends but I will never be as close to any of them as I was to any of my old friends. I've closed myself off from people. I don't often share my feelings. Every once in a while, I go through this phase where I am very honest with people and honestly answer that question "How are you?" But usually, I just say "Fine," and move on. I have three friends here who I guess I consider close, but I never share openly with them. I spend most of my time covering up any pain or sadness by making jokes. It's been toughing making these "close" friends and one of them is my little sister, whose marriage I am always arranging.
I'm afraid that it is going to be even harder to make good friends when I move back to the States for college this summer. One of my friends will be kind of close to me, so I'm going to visit him. But other than him and family, I won't know anyone in the area. I'm afraid that I won't make friends, that I'll be too far out in left field for my peers at the private college I am going to go to. Oh, and just living on my own scares me. I don't want to be all alone.
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
I am 24 years old and trying to finish college. I have also been married for about a year and a half, and last year I moved 4 times before finally getting settled where I am at now. (My husband is in the military)
I don't know if you can use what I am about to say, but here it is for what it's worth.
As I was little, I used to think that when I got to a certain age that I would have all the answers. When I was 6 I couldn't wait to be 10 because then I could cross the street by myself and pick out my own clothes. When I was 10 I couldn't wait to be 16 because then I drive and then I could date and I would be on the road to being a grown-up. When I was 16 I couldn't wait to be 18 because then I would be an adult and I wouldn't be governed by anyone else's rules but my own.
Now I am 24 (going to be 25 in March) and I still have a hard time remembering that technically I am an adult. Yet, I have all the criteria that I assigned to myself at a young age when I thought that with age comes wisdom. In a way, wisdom does come but it's only as you sit and reflect on yourself and your life and you can honestly take a look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see.
The problem with that idea is most people are afraid to do that. They are afraid because as they've grown up they've experienced disappointment and along with disappointment comes pain. So at every stage of growing up each disappointment has added a layer of defensiveness to your personality to protect you from pain. So we don't really tell people who we are, or what we dream, or share our things freely anymore as we did when we were children. We are scared to invest ourselves in other people unless we get close to a 100% return on our investment, and as a result we miss out. So that by the time we are adults we are all onions with many layers, and rarely more than the first two layers are ever exposed. We say what we think other people will want to hear, and we do what they do because we want to be liked, and we want to be considered normal, and we don't want to be alone.
And the truth of the matter is that inside we are all afraid, and nobody wants to be alone, but no one shows this until it's a matter of life and death. But if you think about it, you came into the world alone and you will leave the world alone. That sounds like a scary thought but its not. It's motivation to learn to love yourself so that you can be happy with your life. You can only be happy with your life when you learn from it as a whole. Instead of using every bad experience to insulate yourself with another layer of defense, think of it instead as a situation that tests your character. Use it to strengthen your personality. Every guy/girl you break up with is not as heartbreaking as it seems, but it teaches you what you like or dislike in another person. Likewise, you should marry someone who makes you want to be a better person and don't give up on that principle because you fear you'll end up alone.
You can still feel alone even in a room full of people.
It's much harder and takes more creativity to be a good person in the world, than a bad person who stomps around life destroying things. Anyone can destory something.
Don't be afraid of change, nothing in life is constant except change. The sooner you learn to adapt to it, the better off you will be. Make an effort to reach out to people, it seems scary at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will be. Sometimes... that is all people are waiting for, and if it only takes you 100 people that you reach out to before you make 1 good friend for life, consider yourself lucky. Don't forget the people who once were a part of your life, in many ways they still are because they have influenced your personality. Instead of dwelling on the bad times, remember the good ones and those small moments when you were happy. You never know when you will come across that next moment.
And honestly, I believe that you become an adult when you learn to accept failure with grace instead of a defeatest attitude. That's why so many people you run across in your life will never grow up, and will probably be much more confused than you are, even though they might be much much older. Also, don't ever think that you can truly know something because that is when it will change. It is better to keep on learning. Never underestimate the power of a good deed because you have no idea whose life it will change.
Once I was in a horrible car accident where I nearly lost my life, and only one person stepped out of the crowd surrounding my car to help me. He wasn't a doctor and he wasn't a nurse. He was just a truck driver trying to spend some quality time with his son that summer. It is because of his selfless act that I am going to college and have a 4.0 GPA and want to be a nurse. I know that I will help people who are sick, but if I can reach one person like this stranger reached me, I will be satisfied because they will go on to help others with their talents.
I guess what I am trying to say is don't be afraid to be the one person every else is too timid to be. You will never learn anything sitting on the sidelines, and in order to experience the joys of life you will have to go through pain. There is nothing wrong with being an onion at times, but don't forget to peel back your layers for people who are worth it. It is only when you do these things that you will learn the true value of what it means to live. And you will love yourself in the process.
-- Jenn
I understand what you mean. I had a very close friend in elementary school who I don't talk to anymore. There were 3 of us and we were all very close. People called us the three stooges. I am still best friends with one of them, but unfortunately I have grown apart from the other girl. I am now really good friends with a girl who I have known since kindergarten, but who I didn't really talk to until freshman year of high school. We were the only two from our old school that attended our high school so we became good friends. I am sure you will make another close friend soon. It is funny how stuff like that seems to work. =)