Teachers and dating
At my school, there are plenty of teachers and substitute teachers that the girls (and guys) talk about all the time. They are generally young teachers, either just starting out, or starting their student teaching. Considering we are at a high school, the oldest girls and guys are around 18 maybe 19, and the youngest, are around 14.
We have plenty of teachers that seem "creepy,” too. The ones that read your shirts all the time, and smile, or teachers that just seem weird. These are the types that you can't quite put your finger on why they seem creepy. They just are. At my school, we seem to have this problem, only it's a little worse than just the occasional creepy teacher.
A math/physics teacher in our school is seemingly having an inappropriate relationship with a senior girl (17). Now, I couldn't say if they are "dating,” or even having sex, since I am not there, but, regardless of what they may or may not be doing, what they are doing is inappropriate.
Every day, they eat lunch together in his classroom (alone, and with the door closed). Yes, she skips lunch and takes her tray to his room, and they eat lunch alone. Sure, it may be okay once in awhile, or if she had him for class and needed help, or if she needed to make up a test or something, but there are no reasons. They go to each other's homes, (He is the advisor for an after school activity, and she is in the group). He drives her home after meetings after school. They even go to the mall together. Yes, together, and no, not for something for school, just to go. He follows her around at dances, and she spends all her free time with him. He is single, about 34 (maybe 35), and a little nerdy. (I say this without another word to describe him...he's sort of creepy, so I guess lonely, haha)
I guess what I am trying to say, is, this is inappropriate, whether they are having any kind of physical relationship. Even if they have never even run into each other accidently, this is WRONG. There is no reason for a teacher or a student to spend this much unsupervised time together, without a good reason. If I were a principal, and one of my teachers was spending this much time with a student both in and outside of school, I would be furious.
Granted, I cannot possibly know the entire details that are involved, but I can say that there is talk that he will not be asked back next year as a teacher. Also, if anybody says anything about their "relationship,” they get yelled at. Teachers basically acknowledge that it is going on, but will (obviously) tell us to discuss things like this on our own time.
I feel that this is ridiculous that nothing is being done, now, as opposed to next year. I am worried for this girl, she used to be my friend, and I am very creeped out that this teacher is allowed to act this way toward students. I want teachers to act as professionally as possible. (Yes, I want friendly, easy to talk to teachers, but this is a little much).
In light of all the teachers that are going to jail for "preying" on their students, I can't believe this teacher is even taking the chance. He should just wait a year, she is graduating, and turning 18. THEN, there would be nothing wrong with it.
How do you feel about things like this, and has anything like this ever happened at your school?
That is creepy. Is she even embarrassed at all by all the talk that much occur behind her back? Does he even seem embarrassed at all. He seems to have a lot of guts for doing this. I don't think he should be allowed back. There was somewhat of a similar situation at my school where these 2 girls were always flirting with one of the young teachers and one day they somehow sent him pictures of themselves in their bikinis (I guess they had his E-mail address) and he made it the background of his school computer. After this and a couple of other weird instances (such as the vice principal walking into the classroom when one of the girls was sitting on his desk) he was fired.
Haha, okay, so that's a little gross.
She gets mad if anybody makes comments, which they do. I'm pretty sure that nobody says anything to the teacher, he has alittle more authority, and if he wanted to, he could report them to the office. (Which is dumb concidering what is going on, but regardless, you can't just say things like that to a teacher)
I think it's so stupid that he's doing it. I would think it was weird if they dated after she graduated, but weird is all it would be. I don't understand why, as a teacher, he can't figure out that this could ruin his carrer. Even if they AREN'T doing anything, it's putting his job in jeopardy because people THINK they are.
I think a 17-year-old girl is capable of deciding if she wants to date/have sex with an older man. However since he's her teacher and thus in authority, I totally agree with you. As far as I know it never happened at my school, but my school was very religious and conservative.
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It would be totally different if she had already graduated. It would still be strange, but totally legal. I think it's really weird, and I feel totally helpless that something like this is going on in my school, and I can't do anything about it.
I am surprised your school does not have a strict policy about teachers fraternizing with students, that involves severance if there is failure to comply. This is a massive liability to the school; if he got that girl pregnant or gave her an STD, her parents could potentially sue the school district and win.
That's probably the strangest part about this: the girl dated an older guy before (she was 15, and he was 22/23) her parents forbid her at first, but it eventually evolved to where the guy was living with them. She was extremely lucky to not have ended up pregnant, but it's an even bigger shame that her parents don't seem to care. (They are pretty much alcoholics). I have a theory, which is all it is, I have no proof: I think that her parents figure that if she has to date an older guy, at least this one has a job, and could support her. I think that her parents will be happy if the relationship evolved into marriage, because then their daughter would be supported, and they wouldn't have to worry about her.
It's pretty sad to think that, but it's probably true. Like I said, I used to be very good friends with this girl, and it's definitely something her parents would do.
Wow. The saddest part is the fact that her parents don't even seem to care.
Depressing... but if something really happened, some sketchy attorney would find them and try to convince them to sue. There are some really disgusting people out there who would do anything for money.
I hope she graduates, and that whatever she decides to do with her life she is happy. I also hope she doesn't alienate and lose all her friends over this. That would be a real shame.
Yeah, I'm sure if the teacher ended up on the news for getting caught with the girl somebody would find the family. The screwiest (is that a word?) part about THIS is that even if the girl loved the teacher, her parents would probably sue for the money.
Her chances at love at very small at the age of 17, especially with someone from a completely different generation. People change a lot between the ages of 18 and 25; there is no doubt it would have to be "true love" to survive this time.
What if the 22-year-old was a good man who was respectful of her and could engage with her on her own level? That's often not the case, but I don't think all cases of 15x22 are automatically bad.
Nope, I agree, not ALL cases are bad, but they generally are. As was the case with this relationship. He basically convinced her to have sex with him, cheated on her multiple times, took her money, and was very controlling. There were, of course, as it is with almost all relationships, good qualities. They were few and far between, however. She basically alienated all of her friends, including myself. I told her many times that I didn't think he was very good for her, and she disagreed (although she has recently told me that she discovered I was right). She would ignore all of her friends, which is why we aren't really friends anymore, she would drop everything for him, including plans with friends. Basically, she lost all/most of her friends, and has tried to regain them now that they are broken up, but nobody is quite ready to trust her yet.
As far as engaing with her, she was very immature at the time, and was classic "younger child". She wasn't sure of herself, and clung to him for everything. There was no way her parents should have allowed this relationship to happen on an intimate level. It's hard to explain, because every case is different, but she was immature, and not ready for a commited relationship to this guy. (Not to mention he was a drug addict/dealer, didn't have a job, he didn't graduate high school..etc)
I can't believe nothing is being done about it.
There should really be a line between relationships with teachers and students. It's not so much that they are hanging out as it's the fact that he should represent some sort of figure of authority. Even if she is not taking any of his classes right now, there could be mixed signals. When someone is in a position of authority, they need to respect that position by not engaging in any relationship with a student that is not strictly on a teacher-student level. It sounds to me like he does not take his job seriously enough.
The first thing that comes to mind is: "are they related?" If they aren't cousins or related in that fashion, it's unprofessional and if the parents don't know, it's criminal. When a person decides to work with under aged children, there has to be an ethical style to it or that person is unfit to to be around young adults or children. Believe me, because there is a teacher shortage, the character of the wannabe teacher is never thoroughly checked only if they have a criminal record!!! I can't stand that! I want to be a chemistry teacher and I realize that the danger and the preventive ways to deal with kid's who get crushes on their teachers. I think it's awful, but a child has the right to be treated with respect, regardless. Things like these hurt good starting teachers because the are looked on with an "I don't know" look by administration. Good teachers are out there, but they need to apply themselves to the studies of Pedagogy and professional development. If they don't, someone is going to be let in the classroom. Can you imagine a growing child being alone with a abusive person??? They're out there and no one does anything because of the lack of alternatives. So few actually get help and that's through different sources. One day, teachers will be facilitators and children will not depend on them as much, but we have the now to think about. Do you want to teach? Do you want to be an advocate for Universal Design? What laws are you willing to make? You know the problem, now all you need is a role to solve it.
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