I hope I wont get jumped on for this one...
I'm just gonna throw it out there. I consider myself a Christian. I don't claim to have led that "perfect Christian family" lifestyle; not one bit. I'm the only one in my immediate family who has a proclaimed faith. I used to go to church, but with attending two schools, working part time, and fitting everything else in between I just don't have the time. In high school I was really involved in my church. I went to youth group, I went on a few AMAZING mission trips, I went to every Sunday service, and I led a group of Awana's girls. It all kind of sounds typical I guess... Christians are always trying to make themselves sound perfect.
I haven't had a chance to go to church lately... Like I just mentioned. When I run into people I went to church with I feel like I've been shunned. They ask me what's going on, what am I up to, tell me they haven't seen me. I tell them what I've told you... I'm just too busy for my own good. You know the feeling you get when someone asks you a question, but no matter what answer you give them, they already have pre-assumed answers and don't listen to a word you tell them? I feel that way when I see my so-called Christian family.
I'm not sure why this bugs me so much, because I know who I am, and I believe what I believe. Nothing they say can bring me down or affect my beliefs. But it hurts. It hurts because these people who I worked on building relationships with, and growing with kind of let me drop. When I need them most they aren't there. They are somewhat hypocritical; they taught me to love your neighbor, and not to pass judgement. They are doing the opposite of what they taught me. I don't have a problem with Christianity or Christians; but organized religion isn't all it's cracked up to be.
And I have my doubts sometimes, but I feel like I am entitled to them. I'm not going to say I haven't ever questioned the existence of God; I have many times and still do. Jesus did, I can too. Christians are Christ-like right? We are entitled to our doubts as long as we believe? I feel like I'm going in too many directions right now. Let me try to refocus what I want to say. I don't want to sound like I'm doubting God because my Christian friends have all turned their backs to me. It doesn't help my feelings about organized religion, and definitely doesn't help my arguments when people tell me Christians think they're superior beings.
I know what I know, and I believe what I choose to believe. That's an individual freedom of mine, right? I don't want to harp on anyone's religion, I'm not really all about that. I'm struggling because all these people I went to church with know their bible, and they know what's right and wrong; they've grown up in it. Part of me (at first) felt like I was doing something wrong. Now I know I haven't done anything wrong. Just because I don't go to church all the time like I used to doesn't change what I believe. I'm a relatively good person. I can be mean, I do bad things. I'm definitely a lot less crazy than most other 21 year olds I know.
This past week I realized that I don't care what people think about me, say to me, or do to me. "I am who I am." - Yann Martel. I know I need some working on, but at least I know that. I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect. I'm not going to pretend that because I don't go to church I'm not a Christian. I still read, I pray, I talk about God. I also realized that I don't want to be like them. They are the reasons people turn away from the religion. People like my mom and my dad, they don't want anything to do with people like my Christian friends. I feel sorry for anyone reading this who is Christian. It's not me coming down on you for being a hypocrite. It's not even all Christians. It's just a lot of them. I feel sorry for anyone who has ever shunned anyone for any reason. What goes around comes around.
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The thing about church is (and I know I will probably get looked down on by some for saying this) but most a corrupt. They don't practice what the preach. That is why I stopped going. I believe in God and Jesus but I don't believe anyone has to go to church to believe in someone. My parent's friend was a minister and quit because he realised how bad the situtation was. Keep believing what you believe in and don't let other people get you down!
Something people should know about:
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Help. My blog on global warming says "every little thing counts." It's not only true in what you do, but in what you say. Thanks DrifterDani.
I just wrote a blog about this, actually. (Well similar to this), but there was something I didn't add because it didn't go along with my post topic well.
True Story:
There was an old-ish woman who was Catholic, she couldn't get to church (like physically get there, not because she was busy). She told my mom that she really wanted to go to church. (Apperently, she had been donating money (a lot of it), for a long time). My mom realized that her sister-in-law, lived right down the street from the woman, and also attended the same church. My mom asked why the woman never asked her Sister-in-law to take her, but the woman didn't want to ask.
My mom, trying to be helpful, called the Priest, and asked him to keep it confidential, but a woman needed a ride to church, and if he could ask somebody in the church that she knew to drive her, it would be really appriciated because the woman's sister-in-law wouldn't take her. The Priest told my mom that the woman "could just watch it on T.V. at home. (Side note: The woman lived VERY close to the church)
A few weeks later, the woman see's my mom again, she is very upset. Apperently, the priest told the sister-in-law about the woman, and my mom getting involved (EVEN though it was "confidential") and the sister-in-law got really mad at the woman. So now, this poor woman is "alienated" by her sister-in-law AND her priest. She donates ALL kinds of money to the church, and the place that's supposed to be caring and forgiving and helpful can't even get ONE person to pick her up and bring her to church!!!
And that's one reason I am FED up with church!!!!!
~In order to have a better society, we need to CREATE a better society."
and I completely see where you are coming from. It saddens me that your church friends are "shunning" you, because that is not at all the Christian thing to do. When a brother or sister in Christ comes back after an absence, we all should embrace them and pull them back in. Church is a very good thing, and I'm not saying that everyone who doesn't go to church is a non-believer, or that everyone who goes to church is a believer, but a good church aids Christian growth. It builds Christian relationships that keep Christians accountable, which is very different that calling out their every flaw. Every one of us struggles, every one of us screws up. Every one of us is a hypocrite to the worlds standards, because Christ demands perfection and none of us are capable.
I hope that you won't give up on church, but seek to find a church where the people will grasp the concept of loving each other through all situations, and not judging each other.
-Anne Michelle
ps- Yann Martel is amazing. I'm reading Life of Pi right now and I love every word.
I really liked what you had to say -- really touching, and I commend you for having the courage to say what you had to say, even though you were afraid. You thought that you were going to get attacked in posting this, but really your post is being embraced by people of all different kinds of faith -- religious or not. The truth is that there needs to be more Christians like you and think the way you do. Even though I'm Catholic, I don't think we need religion to tell us to be more accepting of everyone -- we should, as capable human beings, be able to realize this ourselves.
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"No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it." -- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
I wrote a blog here last week about my views on Christianity that I invite you to read. I'm Catholic and I think I might have just gone to a church with amazing priests, but I love being Catholic because what I wrote reflects a big part of what I've learned from it.
you can find the blog here.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/sawaboof
"...There is a crushing guilt that comes with being a Catholic. Whether things are good or bad or you're simply... eating tacos in the park, there is always the crushing guilt."
-30 Rock-