I am in an abusive relationship and I am being abused emotionally. I do everything I can to make the relationship between my boyfriend and I work but it's just not enough. When we first dated he was obsessed with me and I kind of pushed him away. Well now it's the exact opposite and I wish he would feel the same. I am pretty sure that if I left him and did not turn back he would come back crying to me and realizing how he is acted. But I can never walk away. I always turn around and go back. He is my first and only love and I am a having problems letting him go.
I am going to be honest. I cry myself to sleep almost every night wondering what I did wrong. One minute he tells me he loves me and the next he is ignoring me. I don't know how to handle this. I mean I want him to be happy and if he would just walk away yeah I would be upset but it would blow over. The thing is he won't walk away and neither will I and things aren't getting any better. He also has problems at home which I sometimes think makes him act the way he does. His mom could care less about him and his dad well he isn't even in the picture. So I am the only one who truly cares for him. So what do I do? My tears mean nothing to him anymore because I cry so much. My gifts mean nothing to him anymore and the words I love you are just a natural thing.
I get upset when he does not say I love you on the phone or something so then I feel like he says them just to make me happy and he doesn't really feel that way. I have tried talking to him about it and I get no where. He wants things to work out when I go to college and he goes into the military but I am not sure that I can deal with the pain. I am trying to stay strong but it gets harder and harder everyday. So what am I supposed to do?
If you are not happy now you won't ever be with this guy. You shouldn't put up with his crap. It is easier said then done but leave him. There is someone better out there for you. Crying yourself asleep alone or with him is really no different. Work on yourself and lose the guy. You can always find another guy. I know that it would be hard, but if he is making you that unhappy it won't get any better. Leave him behind move forward.
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
I agree. There's 6 billion people in the world, and about half of them are men. Someone is willing to treat you right.
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I was in a relationship for 4 years with a guy that was very similar to yours. In the beggining he was so genuine and caring. He wanted to be around me all the time. I had pushed him away also at first , and then got attracted to him even more. I would find myself crying myself to sleep many nights asking myself what I did wrong. I did everything he wanted and that still seemed to not be enough. A phone call every week or two weeks is what I got and a "come by my house" to do you know what and thats it. I kept telling myself that maybe one day it would get better.
We broke up about 2 times and got back together again. Everytime we got back together, I told myself that this time it would be different. Still the same. One minute we would be doing good and then we would be right back at square one. Then I finally broke it off with him for good and started dating others. But then I went to messing around with him for 4 more months.
No matter how much I wanted to believe that our love would become strong as a rock, it always seem to have too many chips and dents that made the rock slowly brake apart.
You will have to finally wake up and realize you are not the problem, he is. You don't see him crying a trail of sorrow. That relationship will not work out unless he changes for the better. And that won't be very soon. Some men take years mature into men, while women mature in the matter of months or years.
Speaking from experience on this one....It is time to get out while you still can. My marraige started very similar to what you are describing but in my case I didnt pay attention to the warning signs and it ended in a very tragic manner. I right now am luck to be here as it stands after the months of pain both physical and mental. The last thing that he did was heighnous and down right wrong. But in a way I predicted my marraige's demise. Not excatly how I saw it but better still it happened. My point is that there is someone out there just waiting to give you the love, respect, and care you deserve. Don't waste your time on this guy who obviously has another agenda. The best advice I can give is to find your self and then you will find that you don't need him, why keep your self in a situation that just makes you miserable? You shouldn't, its not fair to you.
After all that I will be trite and just give a link to a blog I tried to write about the same subject: http://progressiveu.org/004110-one-time-rule
Run while you can, Take back your life while you have it, before anyone else is involved...Just occur to be out of the blue: DO NOT make a baby with him, that will only make matters worse.
~T
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo
AMEN!!!
This sounds like a very codependent relationship. Read up on it, and think about how you can change it. If he won't work with you on it, he's not the right person for you. But if you break up with him and don't spend some time on yourself, you will likely end up in a very similar situation with another codependent guy.
I don't know for sure that you are codependent, but it sounds like it. If you recognize yourself in any of the books you read, you'll know. Good luck.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Coals, hey girl!
This story seems so simular to my first husband. I had a horrible childhood. My father killed himself when I was ten, my mother is a drug addict. I was fourteen and thought I was in love, so I turned to the only person who was there for me- my 19 year old boyfriend. I ended up getting pregnant and dropping out of school. I done everything in my power to make him happy, but he never was. I stayed with him until I was 24 years old. The emotional turmoil that you put yourself through in relationships is unreal and for most the emotional damage that you are enduring right now will stay around far after this relationship is finished. You deserve better than this.
I speak from experience when I tell you that leaving is the hardest part of this situation. The way he treats you is a way of suppression that is a bad cycle of power stemming from his own insecurities. People like this cannot be pleased, and if they are it is short lived. Focus on you. The best think that you can do for yourself is pay attention to your heart and your feelings of self worth. I would tell you that there are tons of men out there that are waiting for wonderful women to come along but from my experience another man is not the solution. You need to find yourself again and realize that life on your own without him will not be half bad! Once you are past this part you would be amazed at the relief that comes from not having to dread what he will nit pick next. You will be off of his emotional rollercoaster- let him ride it alone. There is a wonderful book that is called " Why does he do that?" I think you should read it. It is very enlightening- the sky will turn blue again and the birds will start chirrping :P Keep your head up and remember that you are worth more than emotional belittling by someone who does not deserve your affection.
Accidentaly posted it twice browser error!