In addition to the "feminine problem" that needed to be addressed, I also got hit with a terrible case of the flu. This (as crazy as it sounds) was great because I was able to get into the doctor on Monday without lies, embarassment or invasion of privacy, and take care of myself for once.
The wonderful thing about Planned Parenthood, in my opinion, is that the people that work there are extremely knowledgeable as well as compassionate. Explaining that I am a train wreck of a human being is not an easy thing to do. My life has been very complicated and in reviewing the health questionaire with the doctor, we were able to go over some things that I tend to wonder if I could have actually addressed with anyone else.
It cost me $55 total for treatment of the UTI (a common condition for most females) and medication given to me there at the office. I was also given advice about another medical issue I have from time to time. Since yesterday, I have felt a tremendous relief because not only am I not struggling through my work day with a painful medical issue, I was able to express myself and explain that I had been through a very tramatic experience. I was met with kindness and given referrals to others who could help me if I was in need of further assistance.
One of the questions on the Planned Parenthood questionaire is "Are you or have you been involved with a violent partner?"
When I had decided a few years ago that I needed help, I called the domestic violence number in the phone book. I must say, the woman that I later spoke to in a counselling session changed my life. It was a wakeup call for me that the situation I was in was truly a dangerous situation for both my son and I. I did not care much about myself at the time...I was for all-purposes-considered suicidal. Part of me wanted him to kill me so I wouldn't have to live like that anymore. The mind of someone living in domestic abuse is rarely a calm or rational place of normalcy. As a survivor I am aware how "abnormal" the general population perceives us to be. The general population has yet to have tried our shoes on for size.
I love the question, "Why didn't you just leave him?"
Do you want to talk more about fear?
The other part of me, living in that mess, kept an image in my mind of my son and knowing that I was the one person that truly loved and cared about this child...there was no way I would leave my son - no way...suicide? Never. The motherly instinct kicked in full force for me and I planned my way out. Things did get pretty heartless in the end, but the chain of events was not nearly as ugly as they might have been. My son and I are alive, free and out of his life. I survived with minor external injuries, and as you have propably discerned...none of my major injuries are apparent on the surface. The injuries caused to my son are also not apparent on the surface, but my greatest hope is that you will not injure him further by evaluating him by his appearrances like you did to his mother. His skin color and features are black and white...more black than white...find a way to accept it, disregard it, put the negativity aside...get to know him before you write him off as lazy, slow, a gang banger or a drug addict. Ask him his name, read his resume because I assure you, the kid has got some technological skills even at 4 that can be useful in your workplace. He may smart off because he's so smart. He might have to show his brains to prove people wrong, because so many people are so good at assuming. Don't let it scare you...listen to him...he might be right about a few things. At least take into consideration what he is saying and believe him if he is telling you there is a problem.
A last note about Planned Parenthood...
It wasn't a concern for me at the time that he might be checking my phone bills or anything...but I know how many women must be living in fear of their spouse or boyfriend. Some of these guys are controlling and jealous to the point where making a phonecall to the domestic violence hotline could definately result in more domestic violence. Ladies, if you are in this situation, make yourself a doctors appointment at Planned Parenthood, you can tell hubby you have a "feminine problem." Take yourself down there, and answer the question honestly. It could change your life.
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