In response to the aired segment of "Raising Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice" on the radio station Mix 100.9 on March 2nd, 2007.
The discussion was over a theory of how to raise kids properly without using yelling as a disciplinary tool. While I agree that yelling is in no way the best way to get the attention of kids, many of the things implied and said by the so called "doctor" were in no way supported. Such things lead to the accusations that are thrown around today that teenagers are unruly and unmanageable. As no one likes to be stereotyped, let's keep the playing field even, shall we?
1. "Teens thrive on making their parents anxious." From personal experience, I know this is not true. My parents are always anxious. I try not to augment the situation any further.
I may speak for the crowd, but most teenagers just want a little understand from their parents. They are in no way trying to make their parents worry to death or give them the guilt trip of their life. The world that we live in today gives parents enough to worry about as it is. Most kids would rather their parents listen to them and try to understand them, rather than assume that we are trying to worsen things.
Besides, most kids would agree that when you're parents are anxious or angry, you are much more capable of getting in trouble than you otherwise would be. No kid goes to school bragging about getting grounded.
2. "You should not allow your kids to argue. You are the one in power." That same statement reads almost like someone saying that no one should argue with the President of the United States, because he runs the country. Yes, it does depend on what the argument is about. To be fair, if the child is arguing about coming home past curfew, when he has done so in the past, been warned about it, and is now being punished, that's different. But parents should not automatically close their ears to a viable argument, such as a kid explaining why s/he wishes to go somewhere and why the going there would be a good thing.
3. "Parents have surrendered their control to their kids". Only if the kid is paying the bills is control surrendered. I agree that in many households, the teenager is allowed to do more than they should be allowed to. I do not agree that no parent anywhere has say in what their child does or does not do while they are still living under the roof. Unless the system of respect in the household has been utterly destroyed, their is still a system of balances and checks, much like in government. However, I do submit that as a child continues to reach the legal age, parents will be forced to surrender independence to their child. Their opinion will not count for less, if that child has learned over the years that he can trust and respect that parent.
4. "Parents should attend parenting courses to learn how to control their kids". This was where the entire segment was leading. Another "self-help" seminar. While, in some cases, some parents truly do need to sharpen their parenting skills, most parents know, or should learn, that parenting courses do not aid you. This is because of the simple fact that their is no way to predict how "kids" are going to react as a whole. Each child is unique and an individual, developing distinct personality traits as the years pass. Most of their behavior patterns are learned from past experiences or by observing the parent. Therefore, a course may teach you techniques, but not necessarily ones that will help you understand your child, or develop a strong relationship with him/her. I suggest that parents get to know their kids, rather than trying so hard to mold them into controllable beings. Also, they should remember their childhood years. Did they like being controlled.
5. "You cannot be your child's friend and have their respect". A myth that I have heard several times. Depending on the personality of the parent and child, there does not have to be a hateful relationship. I have friends that are friends with their parents, still respect and obey them, and maintain this relationship quite well. Parents and teenagers do not have to be enemies.
This rift has gone on long enough. Everywhere you turn, there is a radio program, a self help book, a television show, or an advertisement, that states yet again the disrepair the teenagers of this generation are in. Personally, I believe it is all propaganda. Yes, a lot of people my age make mistakes. No, we are not all heartless teens that pull a Lizzie Borden. Whatever miscommunication started this epidemic of adults looking over their shoulders, fearing those ages 13-19 has to be put to an end.
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