“A Sneak Peek into My Childhood”
Not understand one world in English, I come to the United States already titled with the acronym, F.O.B. Due to the fact that I was “Fresh off the Boat”, from Vietnam, an Asian country, and not somewhere else, automatically placing stereotyped labels on me. With only me, myself, I persevered and never gave up.
Only two percent of me was excited about going to America, but the other ninety-eight was scared out of my mind! Intuition never fails, it turns out being scared wasn’t a false feeling. I was afraid, afraid of being different, afraid of not being able fit in. I can picture myself as the girl who sits alone at a table isolated in the corner of the lunch room while the others are chattering and laughing in a foreign language, English. The image kept on replaying in my head from the time my flight departure from Vietnam until the very second I stepped my trembling feet on the ground of the United States.
Everything around me froze for several seconds as I looked around the airport, my eyes focusing on looking for my relatives that I haven’t seen in years. During those seconds, everything I saw seemed so strange to me. Already, I knew I was different from everyone else in the room. I must have looked like an alien to them. I don’t know if it was all in my head, but I can actually hear other people eyes looking at me and talking about me.
The first few weeks were not the greatest time of my life. I was homesick, the food, the living styles was just so different! I had so many new things I have to adapt to, and it seemed like I can never get used to this lifestyle. Like that wasn’t bad enough, I have to go to school. I have always like school, but I wasn’t sure if I want to go into a school full of teachers and kids that I don’t know and can’t get to know because I only knew how to say “Hello” and “Goodbye”. The first day of school, it felt like I was a small fish who was living in a pond and now being released out into the big blue sea. I walked into the building; it was everything I imagined it would be. Kids walking to class with their friends, and I, I just passed by everyone my eyes looking down so I won’t make any eye contacts. As I walked down the hall, there are voices whispering and hands pointing at me, the “new” kid. Through out the day, I got a few hellos from my classmates, but I also get some negative glares from others. I wanted to cried when I thought of my friends that I left behind in Vietnam. How great it would be if they were here with me.
The bell rang to go to recess, everyone ran out the door like a bunch of little kids running out for the ice cream truck. For a short second, the playground was filled up with kids on the swings, the slides, and the monkey bars. I stood there, isolated, and invisible. The saddest thing was that there were some Vietnamese students, but they didn’t want to talk or have anything to do with me, because I was a F.O.B. So, not only I was shunned by the American kids, but also by the Vietnamese kids. Standing in the sun, I just want to dig a hole and hide in it, and no one would even notice that I was gone. For the first time, I felt sorry for myself, I felt like I need to scream! Maybe that will get some attention, maybe.
Time goes by, a week, and month and a year passed. It was harsh the first year in America; a nightmare I though I could never wake up from, and a nightmare I will always remember. I struggled greatly at school trying to catch up with everybody while learning how to speak and write in English. I struggled at home trying to live without my parents by my side. I had no one to pour my sorrows out to; I wished I can run into my mother’s arms and cried to let all my pain out my heavy chest. To get me through those emotional times, I kept on telling myself that everything will fall into place. I believe that someday, I will see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Of course, I eventually learn to speak and write in English. However, now looking back on those days, my childhood wasn’t a normal childhood. I was studying night and day while the other kids my age was watching cartoons, and playing outside. I missed out on a lot; I didn’t get a chance to experience what it was like to be a kid. I didn’t know about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, or Casper the ghost. Sometimes I feel like because of that, I still have trouble fitting in with others.
My childhood slips through my hand like water and I can’t take it back. I still regret about it until this very day, but I kept on telling myself that I learned a precious lesson. From now on, I will always and only live in the moment! It doesn’t matter that I was the odd kid from Vietnam. It was six years ago, and everything is forgotten. Now, I have the greatest friends in the world. I am deeply thankful for them and not dwell about the past. A person can only do so much. Besides, I think that I had overcome a lot of obstacles to get to where I am right now. My future is waiting for me, and I have all the courage and determination to face it. It is better to try something great and fail than to give up without trying, because you don’t know how far you can go. Be like the stars, and shine until the very last flame.
:)
