I don't want to lose sight of my dreams.
With all of life's opportunities knocking, I'm drunk with the optimism typical of high school seniors. I'm ready to party in college and see the world, become a renowned journalist, publish a best-selling novel...
Hearing the way a lot of adults talk about their lives, they don't sound unhappy with the decisions they've made. On the contrary -- they love their spouses and children, their jobs, and wouldn't trade them for anything else. But it seems like they know something that I don't, as if they walked in my same naive shoes before, but have since experienced the world's harsh reality and have settled for their present lives. And while they didn't necessarily settle for second-rate, they never accomplished their teenage or childhood dreams. Maybe they simply lost interest.
The shadows of their potential lives still linger in the back of their minds, though. Right after high school, my philosophy teacher could have summoned the courage to tour with his band in LA. My journalism teacher could have published his memoirs during his first years of teaching. These are just two examples. How many other dreams were never chased?
The thing is, fifteen years from now, I don't want to reminisce about the opportunities I didn't seize. When I'm living contentedly with my wife and daughter, healthy dog, moderately well-paying job, and suburban home, I don't want to wonder, "What if...?" lying awake, in bed, on one of those hot summer nights.
I'm still blessed with that all-American ideal of paving my own destiny. I don't want to lose sight of this voice in my heart. It tells me to pursue greatness, and I've seen other people achieve their dreams. Why not me, too?
The question is, is it better to try, fail, and become a cynic in light of the world smacking you in the face? Or is it better to settle happily with another life, entirely content, but with those former dreams echoing somewhere in your thoughts?
I just want to be happy. Maybe that's what adults know, but what naive high school seniors don't: what truly makes them happy in life. Maybe that's why they abandoned their dreams. They prioritized. But for now, I want to hold onto this youthful flame I have burning, and not let the rough beast of the future snuff it out.
I, like you said, prioritized. I have responsibilities. With every opportunity, I have to think whether or not I'll regret the decision.
"The thing is, fifteen years from now, I don't want to reminisce about the opportunities I didn't seize. When I'm living contentedly with my wife and daughter, healthy dog, moderately well-paying job, and suburban home, I don't want to wonder, "What if...?" lying awake, in bed, on one of those hot summer nights."
lolz when I saw that, I forgot to the first part. I was about to ask how old is your daughter. I know, forgetful me.
Your entry was really sweet. It reminded me of myself when I was graduating from high school. I have two bits of sage, thirty-something advice for you.
First, if you have the perspective down the road that you missed out on something, then you will always feel regret over it. If, on the other hand, you can remain focused on the good things that have come out of decisions you've made, you can feel successful and look toward the future. For example, I chose to accept an athletic scholarship at a school that wanted me in the wrong events. I used to think "If only I had taken so and so's offer, I'd have gone to the Olympics." But there's no way to know that. And if I hadn't gone to school where I did, I would not be living in Minneapolis, a city I LOVE. I wouldn't have the amazing friends I have, and I wouldn't have met my partner, with whom I will grow old. So, hmmm...Olympic glory through my twenties? Or a lifetime of good people? I'm very happy with the good people. It is always good to try and fail and learn from your experiences, but it is not good to become a cynic and beat yourself up over it.
My other advice is don't get too excited about the partying. I did my fair share, and I never did anything that I felt proud of while drinking. Nothing horribly shameful either, but the drunken times are not the times I remember most from college. In addition, it is really dangerous to binge drink. REALLY. And the culture out there pushes it on you. So be careful.
Ok, enough lecturing! Good luck.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman