A phone call, from a mother to her son across the country.
“Its never going to be ok! Ok?”
What angst and conviction!
It’s so disheartening to hear loved ones in peril. Especially when your advice is oh so inadequate for them. You’re their child and their life experience exceeds your own. How do we support them in such situations?
It seems like I have fought so long now with both of my parents about this. (Happily divorced for years!) My support is constantly under examination and categorized as ignorance. Why are parents so offended by the fact that we want a better life for them? Is it really that hard to hear the right answers and truth from your children?
Or is it that I am in the wrong for trying to correct them? Do I even have ground to stand on? I fight my faith so often. I can’t always hold my tongue for my parents.
Sometimes it feels as if my parents have gone out with the tied only to be caught in a storm and simply drop anchor. As if they intentionally let life get harder and harder and proceed to blindly blame everything and everyone else.
“The Cards are stacked against me cant you see that?”
No! What cards? I can’t say I see them. Is there a stack against me as well then?
If by cards you meant your personal decisions well then yes, I can see how they are against you!
It’s honestly very depressing and disappointing. I feel like giving up. I feel like they are dragging me down with them. I feel horrible for thinking such thoughts! Honestly though I have been on my own for some time now and find it harder and harder as the years go by to be there for them. It’s hard for me to feel good about my progression and accomplishment. They are very happy for me and support everything I do but their lives make me feel guilty for what I have. As if I can never give back enough. The financial support I offer tends to be consumed by fire and verbal love and recognition is never enough. I just want them to hit me eye to eye and let me give what I can and use it as a chance to get above their adversities! Is this not enough?
Does anyone else have this problem? How do you attempt to create a more accessible environment between your parents or children? How do you use tact to approach these situations? Am I wrong? I want to simply continue fighting for them to get on top. Will they ever learn on their own and rise above as individuals. Are they doomed?
The average person hears only what he or she wants to hear, so you can give advice all you want, and it might not make a difference. the fact that you actually wrote a post about this shows that you care whether or not you're helping or hurting. pay attention to what they have to say, and keep an open mind about your advice. you might jusst change your mind. and if not, be ready for the i told you so moment in the end.
I am currently growing up in a breaking home. There was a stupid selfish decision on one part of my parents, and now they are both paying for it. What's worse is that I am paying for it as well as my little siblings. Being an older son, I seem to have inherited a protective instinct for my younger siblings, but it's hard to do something to help them when I'm fighting my own parents. My dad cheated on my mom, and when I go on dates, or anything that involves me and a female, my mom freaks out, even if it's just studying. I give you this information to let you know I know what it feels like to be so utterly demoted, and almost demonized at times. I'm not sure how long you've been going through this, but the best way my older brother and I found out to handle it is to do your best. Give them something to be proud of, but don't force them to be proud. Give them something on the table that they can pick up and cherish, but you have to set it down, and not into their hands. They will always be hurt, but that's what happens when a family is broken. Do your best, and if there are any siblings involved, help them. The potential for your parents might be lost, but your siblings still have their life ahead of them and could always use the support. You can't fix your family, but you can support those willing to accept it.
The cards are always stacked against us, just make sure you're there when there's a chance you can win.