Abstinence only Driver Ed

Due to the high level of death among teenagers and young adults, the DMV had decided to start a new program. Bush and conservatives in congress gush over how they never thought about this before and how this is going to save more lives in the future.

Getting high approval rating from social right wingers, republican congressman, and the Bush-Cheney administration, the program had already been put into effect.

The new program would teach teenagers the virtue of abstinence only driver Ed. In the class room, the teenager would be taught that the best way and 100 guarantees to prevent death in a car are not to drive it before you are married. The slogan is:

“No ring on your finger, no hand on the shifter."

Along with being taught not to drive, the students would also be taught to say "No" when an older relative ask them if they want to do a test drive. The teenagers would be show horrific picture of dead teenagers inside the car, where the teacher would than blame cause of death on driving before you are married.

They would point the passenger seat, and said that is god punishment for not being married and having your spouse next to you. There would be teaching of how to drive a car or where to get insurance for your car or anything else, because the main focus of the class would be on "Just said No" and are force to repeat this slogan until it is ingrain in their brains “don’t want to die, don’t drive."

If you are gay, than you don't even had to worried about taking the class because you can't get married. There is no need for you to learn how to drive. You will take the subway just like the rest of the homosexuals.

Some students said that seat belt would protect you from death inside a car but a new study had shown that you are more likely to die inside an if you are wearing a seatbelt and had no ring on your finger. Since you are not married, the seatbelt would not protect you from death because there is microorganism inside the seatbelt that would cause death upon knowing your marital status.

Ironically, in the state of Alabama, where it was the first state to take the pledge had report an increase in death, especially among teenagers. Some of the survival of the car crash cited that the reason why they were in a car crash was because they didn’t know how to drive, that they didn’t know the difference between the gas pedal and the break.

The social right winger response to this by saying that is a part of the liberal media to stop the success of abstinence only driver Ed and that when doing their own research, that many of the pledge teenager who had never driven a car in their teenage life had not experience any form of deaths inside a car.

I got the idea from this blog:
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/2/22kleid.html

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