Self?

 I've noticed lately that I don't know who I am. And it scares the hell out of me. I'm torn between juxtaposing ideas of self. Am I the hippie girl who wants to save the world and doesn't give a damn what her parents tell her? Am I the good girl who does exactly what she's told? Am I the Princess that has to have everything perfect and can never break a nail? In reality I'm all of these things.

 Ever since I can remember, I've had hippie tnedencies. I've always wanted to save the environment. Honestly, I did. I wanted to live in a tree like Julia Butterfly and spend my days hiking and protesting big bussiness. I want to buck the system and tell my parents to go to hell and live my life the way I want to. I want to sell everything and move to Europe, become a waitress, and spend my days on the Med. It seems so.. free. I want to be able to not care about anything. Do whatever feels right in that moment.

On the other hand we have the good, loyal, FamilyGirl hose heart is telling her not to move to Europe on a whim. To go to college, to listen to her parents. The thing is, I don't want to be that girl, but I am. I don't want to settle for a life of gorwing up, being a soccer mom in this town, going to church every Sunday. I neer want to end up like that, but I know I will.

And then there's the "Princess". The girl who always has her makeup perfect, who never wants to break a nail by going hiking even though her hippie alter-ego loves to go hiking. The girl who wears Abercrombia and Hollister and not the flowy dresses that Hippie Girl wears. Who doesn't want to be a mom- ever. The girl who knows all the designers names and dreams of being famous and wearing dresses by D&G and shoes by Christian Laboutin. I'm definetly that girl too.

So where is it that I defne myself? I'm neither one extreme or the other. I want to figure it out before I go to college, I want to officially know who I am, where I fit in, but how do I do that with sides of me that completely contradict one another?