It's been a very rough week for my step-dad. His father passed away last monday after battling cancer for the past six months. Though, I did not know this man very well my heart goes out to my step-dad, the family, and anyone else who knew him. As if the week couldn't get any worse, it did. My step-father's sister, Laura just passed away yesterday. The cause of death as of now is unknown. She was only 39 years old. That's the same age as my mother. I can't even begin to imagine losing someone very close to me.
I'm going to the viewing on Wednesday. I didn't get a chance to go to his father's funeral last week because I was ill. My step-dad is pretty ticked off at me. My step-mom says it's not so much that he's mad it's that he's hurt. He's upset with me because I didn't call him, nor did I call his mother. He thinks that I hate him. I don't hate him. Yes, we have our differences but that's beside the point.
I just don't know what to say. I wanted to come up with something meaningful. I want to say something that would help but to be honest I really don't know what to say. I know I should say that I am sorry but it's not going to make his father and his sister come back. It's not going to make things better. I know if I had someone close to me I would really want to hear a bunch of "I'm sorrys". I'm thinking about getting him and his mother both a card and then just writing in it how I feel. For some reason, I think it will be easier and more meaningful that way.
I know, at least for me, it's a lot easier to write what I'm feeling than to try to verbally express it first. Writing allows you the time to come up with the "right" words and to arrange it in a way that makes what you're trying to say clearest. My regards to you step-father and his family, it has been a rough week, but it will get better. Until then, it's better to let someone know you care than to remind them how unfortunate of a week it's been.
No matter what you do to tell your step-dad and his mother that you are sorry, they will know that you mean it. Sometimes the most meaningful way to say that you are sorry is by not saying it at all, but by showing them you are there for them and you do care about them. The card is a good idea. As for your step-dad being mad at you, that is part of the grief process. I'm sure its not just you he is mad at, but he has a lot of emotions he might not understand. Give them time, but don't give up.
Just be honest about what you feel. Your mom's probably right; he's just hurt right now. I can't imagine losing two close people in one week. I lost my grandfather when I was in eight grade and I was an emotional wreck because he was the person who influenced my faith the most in my life. I still cry when I think about him sometimes.
The best thing you can do is just be there for him. Words aren't always necessary.