I have gone to church three days a week since I was about 5. I have come from generations and generations of choir leaders, and pastors. I am in a heavily researched lineage that I am the only Homosexual in my family. After having so many friends and family that was apparently so close and tight that nothing can come between us. They were wrong, apparently homosexuality will stop family and friends in there tracks. I am down to one friend, and my parents prefer there other children to me. All though my supposed friends are trying to be back close with me. They wont let it go. When it comes to me..it consumes them that I like women. That i am not with men or dating boys. My parents and I do talk on occasion but it is very sharp and to the point. If my partner and I ever decide to have children my parents wont acknowledge our children. My siblings cannot know about my life choice until they have passed away. I'm a 20 year old..who wants acceptance so badly but is lost in finding it. I had a horrible battle with my ex-girl friend. I left my home and my parents when i was 18, and for about a year and a half I lived and loved a girl who i was without a doubt completely devoted to. After discovering pot with her everything seemed to change. We work and smoked. That is what we did..all day. I didn't know that with that comes the people that you have to get it from. I have met and made friends with the hardest people in area that i was in. Shortly after we celebrated our 1 year..things became very very different. She couldn't talk to me like she used to. She became friends with a man that was gay but to afraid to leave his family who was full of disgusting excuses for people.So she turned to them..for support that she was afraid to have with me. It took her 5 minutes to cry to me on the phone at her mothers house..that she didn't want me anymore. After everything we went through she didn't want me. I stayed around awhile..hoping that mabey she would come around, but I knew her pride, and she could want me, but she wouldn't put my through her again. When i returned home completely broken. I have never been that low in my entire like. I could lay in bed for days, and not even notice. My parents solution was to put me on as much medications as i could fit in a HUGE bag. So i took them like the sheep i was. I took the everyday till i was so numb that the only thing i could do was to cut myself to feel. SO yes i cut myself over a girl who broke my heart. I got so addicted to cutting whenever i was upset that i was constantly cutting myself. I would cut my self at least 3 times in one sitting.IF i didn't cut myself my day couldn't go well. I have stopped now, but its hard. Sometimes i want so badly to feel the blade go over my skin and watch the small amount of blood simply fall. The only problem is that i have an addictive personality, and once i start again will i be able to stop? Or will i get out control again?
Hard core Baptist...who likes girls
By cagenbagen - Posted on March 9th, 2008
You are in a tough situation. My family was very similar to what you have described. The best thing ever did for myself was to get out on my own and get some therapy. I was in therapy for 6 years (but beyond coming out, I had an eating disorder--my version of cutting--and a dead brother to grieve), and it was expensive, but now I am standing on my own two feet.
I am very happy with my life. I have a support system of friends who don't care that I'm gay. It is an integrated group of gay and straight people. My father has disowned me, but my mother has my back. And I know that I have given both of them a fair chance to know me as the good person I have become. My dad's choice not to have a relationship was his choice, and is no reflection of my character. It is a reflection of his character.
I think your parents are trying to parent the gay out of you. If you take steps to be your own person, you will feel much more empowered in your future relationships, and you'll see the value in yourself, regardless of you family's closed-minded perception.
I wish you luck. You are braver than I was at your age. I didn't come out until I was 24.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Although you have experienced many trials and tribulations you seem like a much stronger individual than most people your age. It really defines who you are and I admire such strength in overcoming such hardships. Just keep your head up :).
+mspin
This is an interesting post, but I stopped reading after the first twenty lines due to the lack of paragraphs.
Btw, you are definitely not the only gay person in your family. It's simply not statistically possible. Many of your ancestors were gay or bisexual, as are plenty of your current family members.
Being gay isnt a bad thing. No matter what you're parents or your friends think. You will find clarity when you accept yourself. There are THOUSANDS of gay people out there. You may think it is just one girl that you wanted forever and a year is a really long time but there is more to life.
It sounds like you were living your life FOR this girl and FOR your parents... not living it WITH this girl and WITH your parents.
You live your life and embrace all who comes along.
As for the cutting, baby steps. Its the best way to go.
Always remeber to Live Long and Laugh Hard