So last night I attended a benefit for the mom of a former house mate who needs a kidney transplant. Or I guess she needs both of her kidneys transplanted, but I think she is only going to get one new kidney. Anyway, it was a really fun event; a Klezmer/Gypsy band called the Underscore Orckestra volunteered to play, they had a silent auction, lots of food, and of course, booze. What American event would be complete without the booze? So I started contemplating what it is about Americans that guarantees booze at each and every social event, from weddings to picnics to family gatherings and even kid's birthday parties...how come we can't live without our booze? I was talking with a man from Nepal last night, and he said the same thing "what is it with you Americans? Every single thing you do has alcohol involved...we don't really have a drinking culture in Nepal, because we don't need one...we dance anyway...." I thought he made a very good point with that statement; I'd noticed this while in Africa...everyone dances anyway, they don't need booze to warm them up to the idea of dancing. The Malawians in fact, thought it was funny when I said "I don't dance...I don't know how to dance..." They laughed and said "everyone dances....you can walk can't you?" And so, I got pulled into the circle and danced anyway, despite my protests. And I discovered the most amazing thing; I actually can dance. I don't dance well, I probably look like a pelican with one leg flopping around on a beach in quicksand, but sure, I have two legs and two arms and can, in fact, dance. And I don't need booze to do it...and what I discovered last night was that booze actually impedes my ability to really make a connection with someone.
Last night I drank very little....I decided I wasn't even going to get tipsy, and I'm so glad that I didn't. I also decided it is time I started practicing the art of really opening up to people, even without the social lubricant we Americans so rely on. I was amazed at the results; I ended up on the porch with a lady who had recently moved from Georgia to Portland by bike...yes that is right, she pedaled all the way across the country! In nine weeks, no less! We began talking about mushrooms; I don't remember how mushrooms came up, but they are a common topic of conversation out here, because they are a big money maker and because they are just so damn delicious and so fun to hunt! There are an amazing variety of gourmet mushrooms just growing in the woods out here; I've had the privilege of going out once with a mushroom-hunter so far, and I came back with about two pounds of mushrooms and just ate mushroom soup for weeks and weeks...it was great! Anyway, the conversation started with mushrooms, but before I knew it, she was telling me "I have a really hard time opening up to people....I'm a strong person, but all that other stuff, that emotional stuff, that is hard..." Suddenly, I felt like I knew this girl very intimately, because I was thinking "yes, of course you do, so do I and so does everyone else here...our culture raises us like that!" It was an amazing moment of connection, and after that, it was easy to start sharing deep soul things, like our hesitation about the idea of ever being mothers, like our love of situations that push our bodies so hard, just to see what we are made of, some ethical dilemmas I'm dealing with at the moment, including the desire to be a huntress/trapper and how lots of people in Portland make me feel guilty about these desires, and the ethical dilemma of feeling like the world is really overpopulated, yet wanting to be a midwife and help with births. Anyway, I've never been able to connect so deeply/share so deeply with someone while drinking; because while booze gives you this false sense of confidence, you don't really have the concentration to really listen to someone else, or at least, I don't when I'm drinking.
So, I guess my experiment of socializing without the booze was a great success; I was really amazed by how easy it really was to open up with people, once you've decided that that is what you want to do. I felt a little vulnerable at first, sure, but the more open and vulnerable you make yourself, the more likely it is that the other person you are talking with will feel comfortable being vulnerable and sharing as well; and then, like magic, you make that human connection that we all desire so deeply, and so often don't get in this society/culture.
On that note, I'm so glad this culture/society is on the brink of collapse....of course it is a little scary to think about the disruption of food systems, transportation, etc that we so rely on, but I'm excited to see humans begin to rely on each other, the way it should be, rather then this insidious culture...
Love ya,
Carrot
