To My Darling Fellow ProU Bloggers...

(Hey kids! I know there's posts like this floating around, but from what I've seen no one seems to be listening, so I'm throwing my hat into the ring!) Ever since the Scholarship Contest kicked back into gear, there has been a dramatic increase in posts and commenting....
Sadly enough, this means a subsequent increase in poor spelling, awful grammar, and other nonsense that those of you that were around for my rather inflammatory post earlier this year will know I have a very low tolerance for.
However, right now I'm feeling rather calm and benevolent so, to you, my fellow bloggers, I'd like to suggest the following, in order to not only improve your writing in general, but to make it more enjoyable and/or possible for the rest of us to read...which, after all, if you're part of the contest, will only help your chances!
First things first: when you're writing your posts, there are certain things that I seem to see again and again that are not only unnecessary, but also make it more difficult for the rest of us to even want to read your post.
--Don't type a post in ALL CAPS. For anyone unfamiliar with internet etiquette, all caps is the equivalent of shouting online. If someone were telling you their opinion and they shouted every word at you, how inclined would you be to take them seriously, or even hear them out all the way? Not very, I should think. The caps lock key is right there next to the A--just turn it off, for all our sakes.
--Don't type a post in bold, italic, or worse yet, both kinds of font. The reason for putting something in bold or italic font is for emphasis, for instance, "I really hate it when people try to emphasize their entire post." A regular font is easier on the eyes, and trust me--if your entire post isn't emphasized, it won't mean people will pay any less attention to it. In fact, chances are they'll pay more attention. Relatedly, if people are so fond of the B/I combination, why is U getting left out of the mix? I'm just curious, honest.
--Don't just write one long paragraph. Breaking it up into several paragraphs again, makes it easier to read on a purely visual basis, while at the same time forcing you to structure your post a little bit more carefully, which means it'll probably be better written as a consequence.
Now that we've got that covered, let's move on to some basic rules of grammar that even the most casual poster should easily be able to follow.
--A sentence should end with a period, kind of like this sentence is about to do. There it goes. Isn't that satisfying? Really gives me a sense of closure.
--If your sentence has more than one idea in it, or simply is longer than most of your other sentences, chances are it could stand to be punctuated with a few well-placed commas. If you're not sure where to put your commas, try reading your sentence out loud. Wherever you pause, it's a pretty safe bet that you should put a comma there. But be careful! Sometimes it's easy to get comma-happy, which is a lot like being trigger-happy. The way bullets kill people, a deluge of commas can kill your sentence.
--If you're asking a question, then shouldn't your sentence end in a question mark? Why yes, yes it should. Ending a question with a period turns it into an awkwardly written statement, and while most people will understand what you mean, it still doesn't look good. The question mark key is right next to the period key, there's really no excuse not to use it. Can you think of one?
--Sometimes when you're really excited, you'll want to use an exclamation point! That's okay! What's not okay is using them in excess...It's unnecessary, and looks kind of silly. Unless you just won the lottery, of course, in which case it's perfectly okay to use upwards of fifty exclamation points. Hell, if I won the lottery my post would probably be a page full of nothing but.
--If you're using a lot of contractions or possessives, you might want to familiarize yourself with the apostrophe. Just like the question mark, there's no reason not to use it, and even something as small as an apostrophe can make your writing seem better to your readers. Again, however, be careful. Apostrophes don't need to go everywhere--for instance, a plural noun ending in the letter S doesn't need an apostrophe. A singular possessive noun (such as "Jimmy's arguments showed a basic lack of understanding about the issue."--the arguments belong to Jimmy), on the other hand, does.
--A few other basics: Although it's practically its opposite, something that I find to be just as bothersome as a run-on sentence is a sentence fragment. Sometimes, if you're really trying to hammer home a point, using what are technically sentence fragments is okay--it's a style device. But. There's no reason. To do this kind of thing. All the time. It is silly. And annoying.
Of course, punctuation and sentence structure aren't the only problems people run into. Sometimes there are certain words that seem to give people difficulties.
--It's vs. Its. "It's" is a contraction, short for "it is". If that's what you mean in the context of your writing, just throw that apostrophe in there. Pretend your Emeril, and you're kicking your command of the English language up a notch. BAM! "Its", on the other hand, is a possessive meaning that something belongs to whatever "it" is. A lot of people seem to get confused and write "its'", with the apostrophe at the end, which really doesn't make any sense.
--They're/Their/There. Since they all sound the same, I guess I can see how you could confuse these words, especially if you're typing really fast and not really thinking (I have something to say about that too). Just think about this: if you're trying to make a serious point and really argue for your opinion, people will take you a lot more seriously if you can use these basic words correctly. "They're" is a contraction meaning "they are," "their" means something that belongs to them, and "there" is indicative of a location--so "They're hanging their coats up over there" would be a grammatically correct sentence...although I'm not sure in what circumstance you would say something quite as...odd.
--You're vs. Your. This is probably one of the worst, and while I hate to sound like an asshole this one seems to be so simple that unless you type your two-page long entry in less than a minute because you have to go save some newborn kittens from a burning building, there's no reason anyone should be making this mistake. "You're" is a contraction for "you are." For instance, when you're (haha, see, there it is!) trying to insult someone you want to write "You're stupid!" as opposed to "Your stupid!" because "your" is a possessive meaning "something that belongs to you"....and the person you're addressing might be concerned as to what their "stupid" could possibly be. Again, as an example, if you want to avoid ad hominem attacks, then you'd want to go with "Your opinions are stupid!" because "You're [you are] opinions are stupid!" just doesn't make any sense.

And finally...we come to what might be, for me, the worst of it all.
...Bad. Spelling.
I'm not sure why this little detail in particular bothers me so much (maybe it's because English is my second language and I'm flabbergasted that native speakers can't master it?). I'm well aware that not everyone's going to be a spelling bee champ. I mean, I misspell things all the time (actually, if I don't know how to spell a word I usually end up typing it into google and seeing what comes up, because if I did spell it wrong it'll do that handy "did you mean [insert word here]?", but I don't expect everyone to be that compulsive), but there's some words that are so commonly used and so commonly butchered that I'd like to point them out.
--Ridiculous. That's how it's spelled. With the letter I after the R, not an E as so many people seem to be convinced is accurate. Frankly, I think it's "rediculous" that people don't use spell check more often.
--Definitely. This word is another that I see everyone messing up on, and I don't get it. I mean, "definately"? Think about other words with the same root: would "defination" make any sense?
--Actually, there's a slew of other words and I realize this post is already getting into novella proportions, so here's a handy link to a list of commonly misspelled words (and rather smarmy explanations as to their correct spellings--right up my alley!).
--Oh, and for the record, it's not "kool" to spell certain words wrong on person, no matter how colloquial it has become. It's just "stoopid."

Now remember, kids--everyone makes mistakes. Even me! Misspelling one or two words or making a few typos every once in a while isn't a big deal. And believe me, no one's going to jump down your throat over the really nitpicky stuff like dangling participles or other obscure rules involving things that sounds like they came out of a legal contract (multiple clauses, anyone?).
All that aside, for our sake and yours: please, look up words you don't know how to spell. Don't use words you don't know the meanings of just to sound smarter (in the words of Lewis Carroll, "'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and I don't believe you do either!'"), because chances are you'll misuse them and the rest of us will quietly giggle at you. Figure out where apostrophes go. If all else fails, just keep this in mind: when you're writing a blog, you're submitting yourself to the mercy of a public forum. We're not like your friends on AIM or MSN. No one's asking you to write an English paper--just to be a little bit mindful of the audience you're addressing.
Thanks for reading this, and happy blogging to all (and to all a good night, even if it is 4 in the afternoon. Shh.).

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