yup, you heard me. My dad's gay! I found out one night during dinner. My mom had specifically told us to not make plans on Monday night during the summer of 2006. We were eating, laughing, and having a great time, then they dropped the bomb. My dad said," OK, I have something to say." My brother and I were completely clueless. Then he said it. The words I will NEVER forget. "Mom and I are getting a divorce. And the reason we are getting a divorce is because... I'm Gay." My brother left the table right away and went to his room for the night, and I went downstairs to cry. And I'm getting teary eyes right now. I eventually made my way up to my room. And when I got there, I locked the door and buried my face in my pillow to cry once more. Questions were flying through my mind like "Why?" "He spend 20 years with my mom, and he waited until now!" "God, I'm only 13! How could you let this happen?" "What are my friends going to think?" "Should I tell them" "This is the WORST night of my life!" --- Well, that was in July. This is April. It's been about nine months, and I haven't told anyone. He's had an apartment since last summer, and I still dread bringing up the subject, even though I love him so much. I can't bear to talk to him about it without shedding many tears.I have (in the last month) started to see pictures of him and his "special friend." There's one in his bedroom and another the size of mars on his background on the computer. I want to take them and BURN them! I spoke to my mom about him and asked her to tell me everything she knew about him. She told me they were "doing stuff" before they even got divorced. And that she had never met him, but didn't want to. She told me he was very special to my dad and that they might move in together. I was terrified.
Well now, he's looking for a house. I was so excited when he told me we were going to get one with a pool. And then, he said we were going to get a dog! Immediately, I started looking for the one I wanted. Then I was talking to my mom in the car, (on the way to drop me off at my dad's) I asked her if we could take care of the dog when my dad is gone (he is a pilot). She told me "no." I was so mad, so I talked to my dad about it later. I said, "dad, mom says we can't take care of your dog when you're out of town." He told me, "Well, you know, I won't always be living by myself." At that moment, my heart beat stopped. I couldn't believe it. Mom had told me it would happen, but I just didn't think it could actually occur. Ever since then I have been very awkward around my dad. I don't really like to go near him much. My mind keeps shifting to when we actually get a house, and the guy is there. What will I do? I don't want to talk to him. He's part of the reason my dad betrayed me and my so-called family!
I was in my dad's apartment, in the kitchen on day, when I saw a letter. It was not my dad's birthday and it wasn't Valentine's day either. I looked at it, and the return address was from his partner. It was already opened, so I took it out of the envelope and looked at it. On the front of the card, it said "Hey Sexy." Then I opened it, and it read, " I couldn't resist getting this for you because it fits you so well." I mouth dropped. It was in the handwriting of his partner. I freaked. I couldn't tell my dad, and I couldn't tell my mom either. The only person who was always available was God. I told him everything, not that he didn't already know. well, I will fill you in later about how things go.
I know you still love your dad and his coming out is a big shock but his partner is someone that makes him happy. You shouldn't cut your father out of your life because of his sexual preference. Its something you will have to accept even though it may take a long time. He's your father.
* Tatiana Romanov
I know you're right, and I don't cut him out of my life at all. My brother's doing enough of that for the both of us. My dad is just now buying a house, and I'm excited, even though it means moving in with "Rene." I haven't even met him yet. I'm scared.
Is it his being gay that's so bad? Or is it his leaving your family for another person?
I guess what I said in my blog sounded pretty harsh, but I didn't mean for it to. My dad being gay is one thing, but the fact that there could be someone out there he loves more than my mom is really hard for me to imagine. What do you think?
Don't you want your dad to be happy? What's wrong with him being gay? Obviously this man is what he wants, and I don't think that his partner broke apart your family, it was the fact that your dad is gay, and that alone. He just wants to be truly happy, and I think you should accept that.
I know he just wants to be happy and all, but its just really wierd. I know it was him alone that broke my family apart, and I don't mean to blame it on the other guy, if I did. I know he's happy, and I do accept it. It's just hard living in a life where everyone makes fun of gay people, then all the sudden, you know one. I mean I love my dad. Very much. I guess I'm mostly worried about how other people will react. See, I'm in what's called Winterguard. And as you MIGHT know, if a guy is in it, they're considered gay automatically. Being in winterguard, i'm surrounded by people who make fun of them. and it's hard to stand up for my dad, without spilling the beans.
What do you think?
First of all, it's just wrong that people would make fun of gay people. The fact is, that he's your dad. And these people will never change unless someone tells them it's wrong, why not be the voice of change and stand up for gay people everywhere? Whether or not you want to tell people is up to you, because honestly no one really needs to know about that, it's his sexuality, nothing more. But you could probably make a stronger argument.
What your father needs most right now is your love and support. You don't need to accept his sexuality or his significant other, but you do need to keep loving him. Coming out is difficult, regardless of a person's age. I can imagine it was especially hard for your father knowing that he was hurting 3 people he loved in the process.
-Paige
Of course I love my dad. It's just hard to come from a life where all you knew of was normal lives. And them BOOM ->> in changes. I mean, 13 YEARS! and now?
What happened sounds like it really hurt you. Though I can not tell you how to feel I do want to tell you that you should be happy that he was honest to himself and that he is truly happy now that he is free of his burden of hidding. I hope yoou and him can work things out.
Ask yourself how you would want people to act if you were in there shoes. Your dad wants understanding and forgiveness and love. Your mom wants your support and reassuring love also. Your brother needs your patience and support also.
I dont think you will get used to the new situation right away but in time things will work out you'll see.
Its not right for anyone to make fun of gay people. It is cruel and shows a lack of intelligence to do so. People often try to ridicule what scares them. That dont make it right though.
Your dad doesn't deserve to be treated badly because of what hes doing. It was just meant to be or else it never would have happened.
Is your mom seeing someone else?
"In seeking wisdom thou art wise; in imagining that thou hast attained it - thou art a fool."
Lord Chesterfield
"The doors of wisdom are never shut."
Benjamin Franklin
ouch. That hurts to read. I feel for you. I am a homophobic so I know that would trauma for me.
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http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tiffany-southall
Tiffany Southall signing out by keeping you up-to-date.
I can't imagine how shocking that must be for you and your whole family. I can understand you being hurt. Anyone would be hurt by their husband cheating on them, or leaving, but for this reason, it makes it even more confusing. I don't envy your position, I'm very sorry. As much as you love your dad still, it must be so hard to even understand, and having to live with his partner, or have him around would be very awkward. Just take it slow and see what happens. I know you posted this a long time ago, so things may have changed since then, but good luck.