As most people know, I'm agnostic. But there have been moments when I've nearly converted to Christianity. Once because I was tired of hearing it being bastardized and degraded by my own friend (just one) and another time because a touching story from one of my favorite actors made me consider it.
My dad calls himself a child of the world. All religions are equal. I call myself agnostic, but he has a fit when I do that. I kind of see it as the same thing, I don't claim one religion, but I feel there's something divine out there.
Vic Mignogna is a voice actor, popular for such roles as Edward Elric in Fullmetal Alchemist and Dark in DNAngel. He's a devout Christian and one of the kindest people I've ever met. While attending A-kon in Dallas, Texas this past summer, I got the chance to listen to the day he truly realized his Christianity. It was a beautiful and touching tale tha almost made me cry. Tonight, I am listening to him talk about christianity in anime and it's touching yet again. The title is actually taken from part of his talk. I love listening to this man talk about his religion, sometimes even more than I like listening to my own preacher (I go to church because my parents make me). He talks to me on a level I can understand, with quotes from the bible and such. He makes it worldly.
Not only that, but he doesn't have the voice of a preacher. He's a sweetheart through and through and speaks with the same voice a big brother would talk to his younger siblings in. And it's his natural voice.
When he talks about God, I want to believe, he allows to feel like I can.
Now, my friend who spits on christianity, more or less, also makes me want to believe. Because I'm disgusted at the way she always says 'Jesus hates me'. I do believe that if Jesus existed, he was a good man and loved the people who loved and/or despised him. I loath the way she treats Christianity and the way she calls herself an athiest, because it's like looking into the past and realizing that that had been me.
*shakes head* I don't want to be that anymore, I'm going to become better. In God, Allah, Krishna, etc's names, I'm going to become better than that. I want to rise above the ignorance and find a better divine peace.
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Coming into any religion the way that you are about to is probably the best way possible that I can think of to do it. No body has forced you or brainwashed you into anything (I hope not anyway). You've made a decision and you should respect yourself for making that decision.
I'm Wiccan, but I respect all religions (as long as they aren't hurting anyone). The hurt usually isn't the fault of the religion as much as it's the fault of the follower of that particular religion. If I could have my way, we (all religions) would be respectful and mindful of each other.
I can't imagine where the world would be right now if we were actually able to focus on doing good rather than fighting each other all time. It's really sad. But your story isn't. I hope you find your way and find it soon.
"There are many paths to spirituality, but only you can choose which one to take."
Tabias-
it's a very personal thing, religion... you have to get knowledge and soul search for answers outside and within before you come to a conclusion...
------some of us just follow whatever fits in with the society or people who surround us but it's more than that.... I think religion or no religion is a deep thing, sort of a hole that might never be filled, questions are boundless in my opinion, but still it is a journey worth taking, rather than just following something mindlessly
"I'm more like a fool for soul and passion
the price of gas rises, street life is pumpin' fast,
lives is...I watch crash, and realize that we all survivors
no religion or race, whatever describe us." -Forever Begins, Common
Just saying, if you believe in a "divine power" means that you are not an atheist.
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"
Douglas Adams
"That is not dead which can eternal lie / And with strange aeons even death may die."
H. P. Lovecraft