It was 5:30 in the morning, still dark and cold. Brandy just got placed at a job for the first time in 2 years. Unfortunately, the job is an hour away and she has to commute on a bus that the temp agency she is working for provides for the workers at this particular location. Brandy has lived in a small town for the last ten years. There are very few minorities and most of the natives there are naturally racist bigots. That racism get's passed from generation to generation. She was actually born and raised in a larger city in a neighborhood that had both black and whites.
She stepped onto the bus and made her way down the aisle to a seat in the back, noticing that every person on the bus besides her is a black man. She sits down and waits rather impatiently for the bus to go. While she waits she looks around at the men and starts hyperventilating. She starts crying and shaking and knew that there was no way that she would be able to take an hour trip with all these men. She gets up and leaves the bus, knowing that she would be forgoing this job and every other job that the temp agency would have in the future. She didn't care. To her, it wasn't worth it. She felt like she was in danger and had to leave.
When she got home she cried and cried to her family. She told her mom that she didn't want to be racist, but she couldn't help herself. There was no way that she could have traveled on that bus, that far, with that many black men. She didn't feel comfortable. She tried to stay, but her own chemical make-up took over. She was anxious, nervous, and just plain terrified. What else was she supposed to do?
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The woman in this scenario was my wife. And I ask you, what was she supposed to do? She tried to sit down and ride the bus even though she felt uncomfortable right from the beginning. I told her that if she were to ever feel unsafe like that, check the political correct shit at the door and leave, no matter who thinks she is racist. Am I wrong for believing that? Should she have suffered that full hour car ride in terror just to prove a point to the world, because it didn't make a difference to her? And what if her gut reaction was right and she took that bus ride and had gotten beaten and raped? What would any woman out there have done? I don't care if it was a bus full of white men, black men, chinese men, or Canadian men...it was still a bus full of men and she didn't feel right.
We try so hard to tell are children to accept people no matter what they look like on the outside. We teach then tolerance and acceptance. That's why it bothered her so much that she couldn't practice in her own life what she teaches to her own children. But given the same situation, what would you have done?
Even if you had to ask a person to give you a seat.
I am kind of an over confident brute though. So I don't know if that would help enough to make the trip tollerable for her.
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
Oscar Wilde
If she was so terrified for riding the bus, then I do not blame her for getting off the bus.
I would of gotten of the bus if it were all men, no matter what race they were. I feel like that older men are always looking at me, wherever I go. I am not a racist but if you are, thats great for you. My father is a racist, my friends are racists. I believe that everyone should have equal rights, no matter what there skin color is.
But like I said, I would of gotten off that bus if it was all men, no matter what their race happens to be.
That's the thing, we both believe in equal rights for everyone, no matter the race, religion, culture, etc. She still feels like she was a hypocrite for leaving the bus because she feels like she judged those men by their color. If anything she was a sexist becasue she was uncomfortable on a bus full men and she judged them for being men. I don't blame her either. I think she will find comfort that other people feel the same way that she does.
No day but today
-RENT
Move. Move to a neighbor hood with more mixed kinds of people. Make friends with Black people and then you will know that they are just people plane and simple. It will take time, but you can unlearn any thing. Oh and getting off of that bus does not make your wife a racist. I am black and and I would have gotten off of a bus filled all with men.
A most enthusiastic champion of Tyre
You try and try not to stereotype people and not to make assumptions about people. But if you live around a certain group of people long enough, and you start to notice patterns in behavior from this group, then you develop a reaction to it. That's not to say that black men have a pattern of attacking white women when they're in large groups on a bus. But black men in our culture have a tendency to exhibit behavior patterns that can be generalized as "scary". Who's to say what would've happened on that bus?
I couldn't agree with you more about this. There is no way to tell if anything would have happened. It's all the possibilities of what could have happened that makes that a scary situation, race aside.
No day but today
-RENT
I would have done the same thing! Regardless of race, it was still a bus full of men & one woman. There is no reason to put yourself in an uncomfortable position no matter what your area of uncomfort is. Of course, in some neighborhoods, it is very hard to not be racist because of it's reputation.
I live in an open minded area. My husband and I are different races and I`m noit even conscious of it.
A few years ago, I was in Arkansas taking a bus and I got on and sat in the first available seat I saw, of course not the least bit conscious of the race of the black man (a stranger} who was sitting next to that seat.
Then a black man behind me in line got on and sat in the last available seat, which was next to a white woman just behind my left shoulder. He immediately tapped me and asked if he could sit where I was sitting. My assumption was that he wanted to sit next to his buddy, so I said, of course.
The strange thing I noticed was that he didn`t say a word to that man who had been beside me and they got off at different stops.
I asked my grandmother about it and she said, ``He probably wanted to do you a favor by letting you sit next to the white person.`` She said it as if it was just a quite normal thing. All I could think was that the South is still screwed up over these issues. My friends who live there seem to not even notice the racism and homophobia until they get away from it for awhile.
Now see, I do not think that's racism as much as protection for her own safety. Maybe there is a little bit of stereotypes of black males, but mostly she left the bus because she didn't feel safe. I would have done the same thing even if those men aren't black. There must have been a lot of them for her to leave huh? I do not think she is a hypocrite at all. I think she is brave to take her own safety to consideration...even if nothing would've happen. Sometimes a girl has to take her intuition seriously. She did try to stay. At least she didn't go in and then come out a second later. So...take care of her.
Maybe she'll get a car? lol
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I mean, the lady cant help it if she's scared. Thats something that you cant fix in such a short time. But I do suggest that she spends more time with black people, so that she knows that not all of us are harmful. lol.
I feel very bad for her because she has to live life like that...I hope she overcomes it! But anyway, i think it is great that she says that in her heart, she doesn't want to be that way. Racism has a lot to do with the environment you are raised in. It took me stages to get used to white people. When i first started interacting with them, I thought they all had some sort of disability. Then, when I got a little older I got over that, but still thought that whites didnt take showers. Eventually, the more I interacted with them, and the more friends i made that were white, the more I learned that we were all the same.
It takes a lot more than a bus ride to get over racism...just like anything else. Like for me, I know flies are harmless...but that doesn't keep me from wanting to kill them all. Thats not to say that your wife wants to kill us, but tolerance doesn't come easy.
Thanks for your words of encouragement. Someday we will live in a world where no one will even notice the color of skin. We are all the same. There are good and bad people of every color.
I have never failed. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ideas that don't work.
-Thomas Edison
Was any of the men acting strange? You didn't say. I'm a white woman and I wouldn't have left the bus. I always carry mace when I'm traveling anywhere by myself. Some of the nicest men I've met are black. I've had more white men act creepy towards me than black men. It is racist to think "I'm going to be raped because he's black." It's hypocritical to tell your kids to be tolerant and then not do it yourself. Interact more with black people and your wife will be able to get over her fear.
The crazy thing is one of her best friends from childhood is a black woman. I have a couple black friends that I see every once in a while. Her cousin is black. They weren't acting weird, I asked her. With more and more comments I have noticed that most people think is wasn't a racist thing more than it was a safety measure for her.
I have never failed. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ideas that don't work.
-Thomas Edison
A few days ago I read your blog about being discriminated about for not being gay. And now this.
I don't think I have had to confront as much moral trauma and dilema in a life time as you do on an average weekend. It must suck to be you.
It doesn't suck to be me. I try to live my life to the fullest, the includes constantly seeking truth and wisdom and trying to better myself. It takes a strong person to look at the ugly aspects of their own nature and try to fix it instead of just praising yourself just solely on the good. I'm happy, even in the face of problems. My life is worth living, even with the moral dilemas.
I have never failed. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ideas that don't work.
-Thomas Edison
I feel terrible for your wife; seems like horrible anxiety to me. But unless this TERRIFYING group of MEN (gasp, black men!) were actually doing something suspicious (i.e. NOT just sitting there, guilty only of having been born as black males), like looking at her funny or whispering/gesturing in a threatening manner...then no, I would not leave the bus. Because I would not be frightened to begin with.
I sincerely hope she finds the strength to live her life.
And yes, I do think she is racist.
In her state of fear though, I think she did the right thing by leaving. After all, nobody should be forced to remain in any situation that truly makes her (or him) uncomfortable. The question, as far as I'm concerned, is not whether she should have left or not, but why she was so uncomfortable in the first place. I mean, unless there's something more you're not telling me here, she had absolutely no valid reason for it.
There is something that I'm not telling you, and I will continue to not tell you. It's something horrible that happened to my wife and it had to do with black men. Other than that I can't tell you the horrible even that happened to her in her childhood that affects her opinion of black men.
Maybe she is racist, but I think it takes alot of strength for her to face that and want to change it. It will take time and effort on her part to try and get to know some respectable black men. Her best friend is a young black woman and she has a black cousin whom she gets along with great, so there's hope there.
Something like this is disturbing. We all have character flaws. But how many people stare those flaws dead on no matter what it makes them look like? (She's actually the one that told me I should post this to see what other people thought)
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"The bad thing is thinking you know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth because it makes you close-minded and dangerous."
The fact that something horrible happened to your wife involving black men is important! First of all, I'm sorry for whatever happened, and I totally understand why you don't want to tell me any more than that. The panicked crying that you described really does sound like anxiety, or maybe post-traumatic stress.
Has she considered seeking professional help?
It does take a lot of strength to face your problems, to try and work on them. That's awesome that she is getting along with her friend's cousin, and that her friend is black to begin with; there is definitely hope! I wasn't trying to insinuate that she's a bad person in any way or anything like that, but I felt the need to be honest, just as you were so honest in this blog. The very definition of racism is judging other human beings based solely on the color of their skin, which is clearly happening.
But the fact that she is aware of it and realizes it's wrong and is making a conscience effort to change it is, indeed, extremely admirable.
We all have flaws, so true! I know I do.
What disturbed me was the racism (and possible gender bias). Prejudice in general disturbs me; it evokes a painful aspect of American history, years and years of blatant discrimination and injustice. It's more than just an individual's character flaw. But what also disturbed me was
her fear.
I had the sinking suspicion that maybe there was more this story; I've faced some traumatic events in my own life. It's an on-going struggle. I feel for her.
Sometimes it is important to hear (or rather, read) the opinions of others. And it isn't easy to do so. It takes a brave individual.
My own opinion is
whatever traumatic event happened involving black men is probably extremely relevant to her fear of black men, no? Reading this blog was somewhat reminiscent of every panic attack I've ever had.
I sincerely wish her the best of luck. From what you are saying (or rather, typing), it seems like she will certainly find the strength to rise above it.
Thank you so much for understanding. Racism is a terrible thing that does stir up alot of controversy because it's an ongoing fight in our society. I just wanted to point out that there are some reasons for the bias nature and she is facing her problem dead on. I think she'll someday be the person she wants to be, but maybe she should get some professional help to deal with this (as well as all the other) issue. I'm there to help her. I pride myself on being open to anyone with no judgements or bias. People are people.
I also respect that you could see past the issue at hand with the bus and know that there was something more to the issue. My wife is prone to panic attacks and anxiety, but hasn't had one in a long, long time. That event just hit a nerve and she had to act on it. I think she made the right decision, race aside. She could have had heart failure or something riding all that way on the bus.
Thanks again for your understanding and your opinions. It's nice having opposing opinions with people. It makes you question what you think you know. Good luck with everything. Let wisdom guide you to peace.
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"The bad thing is thinking you know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth because it makes you close-minded and dangerous."
Man you can write!
We should hook up and write a book together.
KC the Bahamas
When I was in middle school, I didn't have much of a life. I didn't have a computer but my grandma bought me a typewriter. I used it to churn out these fantasy novels. I haven't written much in a long time, but it does sound fun. I have a great idea about death and the other side. What would you like to write about?
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"The bad thing is thinking you know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth because it makes you close-minded and dangerous."
ur wife is an over reacting racist
its bullshit that she was just sooooooooooo scared!
what the fuck ever
I was searching for self help on google to stop being racist and this came up. I have to say that I am sympathize for your wife. I am also disapointed. I grew up in a town where there was about 5 black people. Now as a 20 year old adult, I am dealing with a sort of subcounous racism. I notice that I grab my purse when I see black men. I also notice how they when they look at me they like to lick their lips. I dream of being attakced by black men also. Despite all this, I would have never done what your wife had did. There comes a point where you have to grow up and face your fears. I may be 5'1 blonde and petite, but If I keep my eye out everywhere I go. You don't make intentional eye contact and you dont fear making eye contact. You keep an eye out to make sure no one is following you. Be in your best shape in case an attack happened. Ultimatly, your wife needs to rise up and see that she needs to learn to protect herself ina bad situiation. Being in shape, trying to not see people as a color, and being aware of your surroundings will cultivate her into a stonger women.
I was searching for self help on google to stop being racist and this came up. I have to say that I am sympathize for your wife. I am also disapointed. I grew up in a town where there was about 5 black people. Now as a 20 year old adult, I am dealing with a sort of subcounous racism. I notice that I grab my purse when I see black men. I also notice how they when they look at me they like to lick their lips. I dream of being attakced by black men also. Despite all this, I would have never done what your wife had did. There comes a point where you have to grow up and face your fears. I may be 5'1 blonde and petite, but If I keep my eye out everywhere I go. You don't make intentional eye contact and you dont fear making eye contact. You keep an eye out to make sure no one is following you. Be in your best shape in case an attack happened. Ultimatly, your wife needs to rise up and see that she needs to learn to protect herself ina bad situiation. Being in shape, trying to not see people as a color, and being aware of your surroundings will cultivate her into a stonger women.