Because of some of the recent events of my life, I got to wondering. Can love and sex REALLY be seperate?
Of courese in the world of one night stands, quickies, booty calls or whatever we may reference to it. Sex seems to have no value now. Why is that?
Many will blame it on music, movies and various forms of media.
It seems to me that intimacy between two people have been lost and devalued. I often wonder to myself, what is there to look forward to? I always justified to myself that when I was younger that I was just trying to find my way and experience new things, so that when I find that person that I want to settle down with I would have "sorted out my wild oats." (I think that is how the saying goes)
Now that I'm a 30 year old mom, I see things differently. I can't pinpoint why. I listen to younger women and talk about sex as if it just another term of affection such as holding hands, kissing. For example, I was out with a few of my girlfriends and she spotted a guy she liked and the first thing she said is I wonder how long he could go. And we all laughed and two of my girlfriends were making bets as she went off to talk to him.
A couple of weeks later she called to tell me the tales of there sexual encounter as if she was describing a new pair of shoes.
Trust me I am not a sex prude, in fact back in my younger days I could tell stories that will not be appropiate on this blog. I'm just saying that is there any real hope for marriage, domestic partnerships, or long term faithful relationships if sex is on the same level as holding hands?
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Oddly enough I believe the attiitude of sex being so common and simple, come from the lack of installing morals in these now 20 something people. It isn't just pinpointed to women, its' both genders. It bothers me more then anything when my bestfriend tells me her many tales of her many encounters in one week. Sex is taken to lightly and it is no longer love making. I've never been one for one night stands, because I can't seem to find that very very fine line between sex and love, and it is very fine in my eyes. People also throw it around so lightly as you said like it is "holding hands, or kissing" and there are so many things that you can get and be unprepared for, with this lack of respect for the meaning behind sex. We are talking STD's, pregnancy, etc.... It's sad to think that these people will never really experience how spectacular true love making and great sex can be, because you don't have that intimate bond and true passion with the one you are "having sex" with! I feel bad for those, and unfortunately I think it will only get worse as the next generations enter into that world. But what can we do, just raise our children the way we see fit and hopefully where they can honestly appreciate the meaning behind it!
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Being a mother myself now, I realize now how important parental guidance is. Believe it or not children will listen to their parents. I have been noticing that my son watches me closely and imitates most things I do. He is learning so much everyday. he's only two now, but I will not take it for granted my resposibility to plant solid morals into him at a young age. I really think it is harder to get the message across to a male. It's sad but true, but there is a double standard when it comes to male and female sexuality. I want him to really learn that it shows that you are more of man when you can use your free will and make your own decisions. Not just go with what modern society tells you is cool. Also it takes a strong male to be comfortable with his manhood to know that he doesn't have to show how big of a man, "pimp" or "player" he is by getting multiple women in the bed.
I'm not saying that I expect him to wait until he gets married to have sex, but I just want him to wait to he feels some unique bond with a young lady and is mentally prepared to handle the "ACT" of sex, love making and itimacy.
I have had my share of relationships of where the guy only wanted sex not anything else. No holding touching, caressing. you know just sex. Not that I feel used because it wasn't like I was looking for anything more at the time and it was "just something to do". I just want to raise a more concious male, not just another "baby daddy" or player.
I just played the hand I was dealt..... I'm just playin to win ;-) (rapper 2Pac)
You know, going through the news this morning I came across an interview with a Pastor in Florida. His church has started the 30 day sex challenge. Couples who take the challenge are supposed to have sex every day for 30 days straight while singles are supposed to abstain from sex for 30 days straight. The premise for couples is that taking the time to be intimate every day will help strengthen relationships by refocusing on the relationship and one another. For singles the theory is that they use the time to focus on themselves and on what healthy relationships are all about. Sex, for many people, still requires a connection. It will be interesting to see how many people remember that after the challenge.
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~Fallon~
“What is insanity, anyway? Is it when you scream and everyone else whispers, or is it when you fight for what's right, even when everyone else thinks your wrong?” Ethergoth
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I just had to say that was one of the neatest ideas I have heard from a church. Honestly that makes more then enough sense, I believe that for the ones who were really wanting to do this could come out better in the end.
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I really would like to find out the outcome of this experiment. It would be nice to talk to couples of different races cultures, sexual origins and hear their thoughts and views after 30 days.
Kudos to the pastor.
I just played the hand I was dealt..... I'm just playin to win ;-) (rapper 2Pac)
Fallon, is it too cynical of me to assume that the couples in this scenario are all married? I only ask because it seems like long-term, monogamous heterosexual relationships in this country are often looked down upon or forgotten by religious institutions. I think it's a shame that some groups disingenuously push the idea of marriage rather than focusing more realistically on helping people create and foster healthy, adult relationships.