So I got annoyed at the scavenger hunt and felt like posting one of the poems I wrote. It's actually a paraody to "The Love Song of J. Alfred Purfrock." It's a story/poem about my struggles and what I hope for the future. Hope you enjoy.
The Love Song of
A Pregnant Teenager
A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow,
Because her hour is come:
But as soon as she is delivered of the child,
She remembereth no more the anguish,
For joy that a man is born into the world.
John 16:21
Let us cry then, you and I
As the darkness creeps across the sky
Like a murder strangling its prey;
Let us listen to the screams,
Our fearful dreams
Of endless nights in a lonely empty bed
And pouring bloodshed of crimson red:
Tears pouring down like uncontrollable arguments
With treacherous intents
Lead you to ask the burning question…
God damn it, do not bother asking “Why?”
Instead let us go and peacefully die.
In the room they laugh and glare
Not to my face do they dare.
Soft music slides across the midnight air,
Gentle music soothes the heart, while filling the air
Playfully slipped into the cracks of the wall,
Lingered upon the tear stained face,
Letting more fall upon each note,
Not wanting to stay, across the terrace it aimed to leap,
But seeing a pained soul in dire need,
Stayed until the heart broken soul did sleep.
And indeed there will be help
For the pained soul sitting under the windowsill,
Listening to the music, slowly gaining strength;
Yes there will be, yes there will be help
For I lost my way and was dying deep inside;
Then he smiled and made me feel great,
And all the clocks of the world stopped
To beat in time with the tempo he set straight,
Help for you and help for me,
He offered the perfect escape with visions
Of a hundred choices made from indecisions,
Before the taking of blood and oath.
In the room they laugh and glare
Not to my face do they dare.
It was help to force me
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Shall I dare?”
There is time to turn back and run down the stair,
And return to the way I was in despair –
[They will say: “Why her face is becoming pale!”]
My mourning coat wrapped firmly and buttoned against the gale,
Buttons cheap and broken, but asserted with a touch of male –
[They will say: “O how she pays for the extra ale !”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute all is lost
For no one believes what a choice can be in reverse.
For I have known them all already, experienced it all: –
I have known both sides of the fence,
The choice and the suspense;
I know what is to be raped
And have the world ripped out from under you.
So how do I continue?
And I have known the eyes already, have seen it twice –
The eyes that draw you deep into love,
And once I am in love, trapped under his body,
When I am pinned and cannot move not even for a price,
How then do I begin
To stop the pain and all the things to come?
And how should I continue?
I have known the anger they throw, seen it all –
Parents violent and cursing, with teeth bare
[Underneath they crying with pain and despair!]
To hear what they dread
That causes me to be dead?
We sat around the long table, one and all.
And should I continue?
And how do I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I was lost and confused
Was lonely and depressed with no one to turn to
Or needed to have an adventure and felt he loved me? …
I wished I had been a shadow
Disappearing through the floors
. . . . .
O how the days, the weeks, slip by quickly!
Comforted by tears
Asleep … tired … or it lingers,
Stretched across the floor, now just me.
Should I, try to escape these vices,
Do I have the strength to get through this crisis?
I have cried and starved, cried and prayed
Although I am rejected and offered no room,
I am no virgin – and I am nothing great;
I have seen the doors open and close,
And I am still waiting to see the last vestige from God,
But to be brief, I am scared.
And has it been worth it, after all,
After not killing, ending the life, of my baby
Amidst our meetings, there was talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have ended it with a smile,
To have sent thoughts into the backs of our minds,
To ignore the painful question,
To say: “I am Toni Vernelli , ending a life,
To save the earth, I tell you all” –
If he, standing quiet and still,
Would say: “It’s not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”
And was it worth everything, all of it
For him to turn his back and walk away,
To leave me here stranded and alone,
Now facing this on my own –
And me with no money or way to care? –
Can it truly be this hard to curse you!
As God would have it I walk the halls desperate:
Was it worth while
If he, came back and was sorry,
And promised me it all or should say:
“That is not it,
That is not it at all.”
. . . . .
No! I am not Evelyn , nor shall I ever be;
Am a corrupted teen, one that chose
To assist Satan’s helper, making foes,
Advising Satan; and playing a fool
Making allies and beginning wars
Evil, cunning, and dangerous;
Full of big plans, that are chores;
Kicked out of Heaven and Hell,
And sent to Earth for being a fool.
I am young … I am young …
I still have a life to live but with someone to support.
Shall I pull through to the end? Do I dare grab what is out of reach?
I will stand strong at graduation and then go for a walk on the beach.
I have heard the praises and prayers that do teach.
I know that I have learned.
I have moved on without him
Standing on my own two feet
The man I am to be with, I will one day meet.
We have lingered here, my son
Swimming in the waves of memories old
Let us walk onto newer things, so as not to catch a cold.
Foot Notes
1.This verse comes from the New Testament in the Bible, God’s Word. In translation it means “A woman has pain when her time to give birth comes, but after the child is born, she doesn’t remember the pain anymore because she is happy that a child has been brought into the world.
2. Ale here does not mean the alcoholic beverage, but something that is an additional living expense.
3. In the New Testament, Jesus Christ was born from the Virgin Mary. She had to stay in a stable because no one in the city had room for her to stay.
4. Vestige means a visible sign left by something.
5. Toni Vernelli had an abortion and then sterilized herself so that she would have no children. She believed that having children was destroying the earth and she didn’t want to do that.
6. Evelyn is a pregnant 17-year-old girl who in the after life is in Heaven. A man named Du Jour, who is working as Satan’s assistant, corrupts her. He is found out and the two are sent to Hell. Du Jour starts working for the forces of Good in order to obtain her freedom. She likes it in Hell and uses Du Jour for her own purposes. The two join forces and begin a violent conflict between the armies of Heaven and Hell. To avoid all out aggression God and Satan agree that there is no place for them in the after life, since the pair seemed to be unable to make up their minds as to which side they were on. They are sent to spend the rest of their lives in reincarnation on Earth.
