so I start this again

     I'm not new to blogging. I'm also not the best blogger in the world. I will say that I enjoy letting my opinions be heard. I worry about blogging. I worry about my opinions being "wrong" and my writing being bad. I worry about the silliest things. Mostly though, I worry that as I post this, it will get shoved to the wayside and no one will ever look at it, with the exception of a few close friends and my fiancee. So the question is, why blog?

     I blog because I feel like it. I haven't written in my blogger blog in forever. In fact, I don't even remember the password anymore... or the user name. I don't blog on my Myspace. I feel like the people there are fake and what good is it going to be for me to communicate my views on the world with them? This blog, on the other hand, has me thinking. I doubt my blogs will change the world, or even be persuasive enough to change the mind of a three year old, but why not give it a shot? I've got a chance at a scholarship here, and while I'm no Shakespeare, I do have a few things to say.

     Now on to why I question the reliability of blogging. I can sit down at my computer and write a million pages on everything I hate about the world, and save it to a file that only I know what it is, or I can post it up on a blog. If I am anything like the rest of the universe, I'm more than likely to do the latter. Therein lies the problem. I don't need the police busting down my door asking if I'm a serial killer or a bomber, and neither does the rest of the world. Just because I think my teacher is as dumb as a rock, doesn't mean I'm going to attack him or her. Just because I was a bullied kid doesn't mean I'm going to go on a shooting rampage. I find that this world doesn't know how to deal with emotions anymore, because we aren't allowed to feel anymore. More and more people are winding up on anti-depressants because they HAVE feelings. It seems as if this world doesn't want emotion to exist. But I digress. The problem with blogging is that it allows people to put out raw emotion. If one says what he means, chances are good that someone will have a problem with it. Conflict in today's world is all but good. A blog no longer contains the security of an outlet for emotions, but a place where people police for things they disagree with, or that they feel is a danger to society. So ideas are no longer free and words are no longer just words.

     In all, I blog because I'm trying to change. Not the world, just me. I blog so I can read what I write and see it on the internet and hope beyond hope that someone likes what I have to say... I know someone disagrees, but it's the people that agree with me that I think about. Blogging is an outlet, it lets me write, it keeps me going, it lets me be me. No one looks at a blog and says "oh she's so fat" or "My god how ugly" they just read it and form opinion based on words... not looks. Blogs are blogs, and that's why I blog.

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