I came to a realization the other day. 5 is a very unlucky number for me. You want to know why? It took 5.5 years for me to lose two of my best friends.
(I don't mean to be laying this on anyone but I just thought some of you should know that friendships are very hard)
I am a person who gets really close to someone and only slightly close to everyone else. We'll this is what has happened twice. I had a friend since first grade, we were as tight as could be, but then middle school happened. Things turned sour and everything started going down hill from there. To tell you the truth I really don't remember what all happened, all I can say is that we aren't friends anymore and it breaks my heart.
Then I met the second friend in sixth grade and we became good friends. In high school however things turned sour again. She got a boyfriend and changed to another group of friends. And again it we became friends and ex-friends in 5.5 years.
Ever since the end of my first friendship ended I never really have shown my true self to others. It's hard seeing them in the halls and knowing they were your friend. But I guess I'm the one to blame. I am the one who's been holding on to memories that I know I shouldn't.
It scares me though. One of my friends that I have known for 3.5 hears is going to stay in the state for school next year and I am going to school 1,700 miles away and I don't want to lose her as a friend.
The only friends that I have kept for 15, 16, 17 years are the friends that I rarely see or talk to. I guess it just scares me how you can have a friend one day and the next day you are like enemy's
Its like they say "keep your friends close and your enemy's closer"
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I have lost my two best friends, too.
Losing my best friend in middle school, even though looking back at it now, it wasn't much of what I would consider a best friend after Tiff.
Tiff and I had been best friends since the seventh grade...we were even supposed to be roommates at college this year. She took me off asher roommate without telling me and when I found out it was over for me. What kind of loyalty and respect was she giving me? None, and it was sad because I did anything for her. I still cannot believe it, I don't even know what happened. Friends one day -- enemy's the next.
It is weird to hang out with other people even though I do it everyday. It just..isn't the same as it was with tiff and me. I have gotten more comfortable now though, and tiff is something I don't like to think about. It makes me question if you can ever trust anybody or truly have a real friend... all I do is hope.
peace always,
katie.
aww I am sorry, but this could be tottaly random u know
Have you ever thought of it as not losing friends but rather growing apart. Almost everyone has a best friend in middle school and high school and sometimes those best friends arent the same people. People grow apart and they grow up to be diffrent people with diffrent attitudes toward life. I had the same thing happen to me.
I know exactly what you feel like. I have lost so many friends I was really close to, and it made me afraid to be myself and open up. I got lucky though, and met a few people who became my best friends and taught me to stand up for myself and to be myself, regardless of what people think. They can like me for me, or they can choose not to, but at least now I'm happy.
One of those friends used to yell at all my ex-friends who would tease me, and then turn around and yell at me for letting them bully me. We're not that close anymore, but I don't let it get to me.
Another of those friends has just plain been there for me. Out of the people who have become my best friends, she's the only one I'm still best friends with, even through the issues concerning the person who taught me the most.
This person taught me to not be afraid to let people see me for who I really am, and now I can more easily befriend people, and at the same time, cope with losing friends. And she's decided to be immature and cause issues, all of which happened suddenly and with hardly any warning. We're still friends, but I feel a rift growing between us. It makes me sad, and it makes me want to crawl into my shell and hide, but I know that's no way to live. I firmly believe that everone comes into our lives for a reason, and sometimes, they have to go out of our lives as well.
So just hang in there, and try to open up. Let people see the real you. It can be hard to get there, but once you've made it, you won't want to go back.