I met my husband when I was a sophomore in college, dated for almost a year, and got married the summer before my senior year. I was thrilled and nervous and excited and happy...all those emotions that come with weddings and marriage and relationships. What I didn't expect, however, was the reception I would get when I started school again in the fall. People were shocked that I would give up my personal freedom and "settle down" so early. They see my ring and just write me off like my college days are over. That first semester of marriage, I took Psych 101 for a gen ed requirement, a class that's full of freshmen, and wow. I definitely stuck out, not only as a senior, but also as a married woman. Why is my decision to marry the guy I love so shocking these days? Is it because our society has discounted marriage as almost a waste of time? Is it because people believe that 50% of all marriages end in divorce? Or maybe it's because of television shows like "Desperate Housewives" or "Lipstick Jungle" that encourage girls to take their relationships for granted and not worry if they cheat on their spouses. Hmmm. Makes me wonder....
Married Young
By audreyhepburn1952 - Posted on March 2nd, 2008
I think that people (myself included) feel that people don't fully develope into themselves at such a young age and their goals and world views change so much before they're 30. You may think you know what you want out of life now, but what if that changes in ten years? What if your husband changes in ten years? I think that people your age are still growing up, and they will change, and not neccissarily in the same way as their spouse. I think that another concern is that young people often don't think ahead-- like how many kids you want, where you want to live, who should be in charge of the money, how to spend the money, how religious they will be, etc. Also, like you said, I think that people do feel like you're missing out on some of your youth by not enjoying your "freedom." I wish the best of luck to you and your husband, and congradulations!
PS. "Is it because people believe that 50% of all marriages end in divorce? "
This is true, and statistically, it is much, much higher for those who marry young. But that's just statistics, and it does not mean that it will happen to each individual couple, of course.
I agree that a lot of people rush into marriage and don't think it through. I agree that change will come and maturity will develop as I progress through life. But I don't think that I will be a radically different person ten years from now. My relationship with my husband is based on something different from most relationships. Our marriage is based on our shared faith in God. It sustains us and gives us hope for our future. And we went through extensive marriage counseling before we tied the knot. I know that I'm young, I know that I will change, but my foundation is solid, and so is my husband's.
From what you've discribed, it seems like you went about this much more maturely and seriously than most. Bravo and kudos to you. One thing that you mentions makes me think of a reason that I think a lot of people marry young (the polar opposite of accidental pregnancy). You mentioned that both you and your husband were quite religous. I worry if some people (not you) marry young because they want to have sex and they are practicing abstinence.
Yes, we tried not to jump into things prematurely. Thanks for the encouragement!
I'm surprised at the reaction of these college students. Heck, in my school I know of classes with adult students (middle aged) and nobody really thinks twice about it.
I kind of understand the reaction just because psychologically most people do not fit marriage and empowerment together. People assume that a woman who marries young is more likely to be a homemaker( not that there's anything wrong with that) and less likely to pursue their own career. People have the basic idea that someone has got to be the dominating force in a relationship and that is not generally true.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/hugogirl46