For as long as I can remember, I've consistently been fooled into thinking someone's a good person based solely on how smart they are. Now, I don't mean that I refuse to make friends with anyone with an IQ below 130, I mean that I won't know you're an asshole until you do something truly disgusting if there's intelligence present. And I don't know what it is . . . I do know I have had to depend on my own brain, rather than my looks in life, and it looks like intelligence has become my own form of superficial judgment.
I am a model, which is not something I am proud of, and people hate me, think they love me, and befriend me based upon my appearance. Ever since my Freshman year of high school, knowing that a unique face can trump just about anything, I've been trying to tear that mental structure down to the ground. It is repulsive to me that many popular teenagers make friends not with the dweebs and outcasts but with others as shallow as themselves - as "beautiful" as themselves.
I also have a facial deformity, well, "had" would more appropriate, I suppose. What plagued me was a cleft lip and palate. So you see, I couldn't make friends using my appearance, couldn't trust anyone because of my appearance, and I didn't feel good, nor right, in being myself. I had to turn to something untouchable to rely on and to feel safe in: the power of mind.
Now that I'm a model, it's almost like I'm taking revenge, and a spiteful one. I don't ask for Mocha Lattes to be brought to me, but I refuse to wear mascara and lipstick; just to throw in my own two cents as I see fit. But there are times that I hate myself for modeling, having turned into the very thing that crippled me for years. Unfortunately, I have to face that I'm dirt poor and know I have to pay for college. But. Once there, doing what I want to be doing in school, I will take myself out of this horrible industry and throw away my medium 3 foundation, take a picture of it in the trash, and move into the better territories of music and philosophy.
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