The Little Things Have Changed Me

I'm the girl who knows the stuff that she shouldn't know. I know all the gossip, I know all the secrets. And I keep most of it to myself. Mind you, not all; I have a big mouth. And it's all because I can be invisible. *Enter Twilight Zone theme here*
Ever since I was little, I've been able to go by unnoticed. I didn't really notice this until the sixth grade (such a crappy year for me). I basically stayed unnoticed that year, having very few friends and very few enemies (there is an upside to being invisible). Then in seventh grade, I started becoming more outgoing and things got better. But only for a little while. I moved before eighth grade and I withdrew into myself again.
Throughout my life, I've been invisible compared to my little sister, but it started getting worse when we lived in Okinawa. My sister started battling depression and thoughts of suicide. Everyone noticed, but no one noticed that I was struggling with the same things. At church, people would go out of their ways and try to build relationships with my sister while I was basically seen as the supportive older sister. At school, I was one of the smart kids but not really an outstanding student, except in math. I had a few friends and I tried my best to become friends with their groups. But it didn't work.
In ninth grade, I started becoming more outgoing again, especially at school. I made more friends and it was generally a happy year for me. Except at church. My sister was still everyone's favorite depressed child. I was part of the youth group but I was largely ignored because everything was okay in my life. Youth leaders couldn't see the pain I was in. They were too busy with the problem kids or trying to help the great kids acheive their dreams. I just kind of sat on the side lines.
We changed youth leaders (for about the fourth or fifth time) and these guys were freaking great. They took time out to pay attention to everyone and it made my life a lot better for a while. Then they had to medivac the island because their daughter had some health issues (no, duh). And things went down hill again.
My dad got orders and we moved to Germany, where we live now. Once again, both my sister and I started to struggle with depression. And, once again, she got all the attention. I worked hard to become a great student and to prove my worthiness. My sister became the problem child and caused a lot of stress in my life. I don't hold this against my sister anymore but I once did.
But, somehow, slowly, things have gotten better. I've accepted the fact that there's nothing that stands out about me and I just have to be who I am. But in doing that I found things that do stand out about me. People trust me. I can start conversations with just about anyone (which is really hard because I'm really shy). I also have this sixth sense of how people are really feeling. I know that some of you may think that these qualities are quite common, but I've just discovered them.
Things also got better because I got rid of a lot of emotional baggage that I have carried with me around the world. I no longer feel as jealous of my sister (I still do sometimes, like earlier today, but it's not as bad). I've proven myself to be a trustworthy person. I no longer feel the need to be invisible. That's another thing I learned, I made myself invisible. I wanted other people to notice me, not because I made them, but because they just did. Now, I get to be myself and people notice me for me. And I'm so much happier with my life.
*Side note, I left the Jesus part out of this whole progression, which is probably the biggest key to my emotional turn-around.*

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