So, I decided to make two lists today, starting with the list of things I am greatful for, and then a list of things I need in order to be completely sane and happy. When circumstances get me down, it always helps me to make a list of things I'm happy about, before I think about what I need to improve. So, here's my list of things to be greatful for:
1) The sun! Portland has been warm and sunny since I've been back for the most part, which is rare for this time of year in Portland.
2) Friends like Jasmine and Stevie, Patrick and Wood, Norris and Theressa, Robert and Rachel...even if all my friends come in annoyingly sweet little pairs, (I'm always the third wheel, and have been since the days of following my sisters and their boyfriends to the mall,) at least I have good and loving and interesting friends, who teach me lots of cool stuff and don't mind me cuddling in their blankets late at night while we tell each other mythos type stories.
3) Good food. Squirrel stew and wild rice with wild apples and hot coffee and raspberry leaf tea...these are the sorts of foods that make life worth living. I'm reading The Omnivore's' Dilemma at the moment and thinking "you know what, I'm actually not made out of corn like the rest of Americans...I eat a lot of wild foods, and I'm greatful for that." Of course, city roadkill has a reputation for being full of tumors, since they eat out of dumpsters...oh wait, so do I! Besides I didn't see a single tumor on the squirrel I made the other day; he seemed like a young, lean squirrel in the prime of his life; too bad his head was crushed by a vehicle....that's the way it goes, I guess.
4) Birth. Sometimes, being in midwifery school, I lose sight of what a miracle birth is, and the beautiful privilege I have, being able to study birth and the complexity of ladies bodies for a living...I mean, what could be better? Women are truely wondrous, amazing, complex biomachines....I say that not to degrade, but because so much of our bodies functions work so rhythmically, like a well-orchestrated factory. I just started reading A New View Of A Woman's Body by the Federation of Feminist Woman's Health Centers, and I've got to say, all women should be exposed to this book! It talks about everything from female ejaculation to a step-by-step guide to masturbation, to abortion and sterilization for both men and women...a truely amazing guide! A book you should steal, if you can't afford it...everyone should have this book.
5) Touch. Being back in Portland, where I get hugs on a daily basis, is so much better then being in Minnesota, where I barely knew anyone and didn't get enough touch....I'm just reminded again, how important touch is for everyone...we all need thirteen or so loving touches a day to be really healthy and mentally stable. I think I personally need to make up for lost time...I grew up in a very low-touch family.
6) Being smart enough to see that neither of the presidential candidates who are running are men I'd want to elect. God, did anyone else see the first debate? Did anyone else wonder where McCain got his questionable definition of existentialism? Or why Obama kept using baseball analogies for everything "we just gotta keep our eyes on the ball...our eyes have not been on the ball"? And both of them now seem like war-mongers to me....nuff said!
Ok, now for my wish list.
1) A stable place to live. As much as I like my little tent in Rachel and Robert's backyard, I'd like to be someplace I know I'm gonna be a little more permanently, some place I can gather all of my midwifery books in one spot, and my computer and my drum and all my other little personal trappings...someplace that feels like home.
2) An income generating thing...whether that be a job, or some craft I do, or whatever. I need to find a soul-satisfying way to make money...I know there are jobs available in the mall, but I don't want a run-of-the-mill mall job.
3) $5,000 for my tuition this semester. Lord have mercy!
4) A dog. I need some companionship, and since I can't seem to find a partner up to my standards, a dog will have to do. I composed a little ditty yesterday about a girl named Molly and her dog Dirty and how they lived together in a van with "no room and no need for a man..." and I think that is how I'm personally feeling right now.
5) Better health, especially mental health. Understandably enough, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and really unstable right now...but that doesn't really help when I do go look for housing and or work...people sense that anxiousness and don't want to hire me or whatever...I need to do more for my mental health, like spend time in the lovely, peaceful Cully Community Garden, which is where I'm headed right now.
Love ya,
Carrot
