the thought of feeling sad yet its worth it for my sister

POOH_LADY27's picture

i feel sad at times and i dont understand why. i mean im doing what i love to do and that is go to school, and be with my kid. what else do need? is it really because of the people i live with that i feel so sad and angry? or is it something else that i fail to see? im trying real hard to understand this, but its too difficult. i mean i forgive my step dad for what he did to me, i forgive my mom for not having my back, i forgive other people for hurting me, and most importantly i forgive my self for being scared of everything for being unsure of life. but i believe if someone else went throgh what i went through they would probably fear the world like i do. i fear it but i confronted it, all but one. is that i really dont trust my surroundings? i mean i dont sleep peacefully at night just fearing he might enter. maybe it is that house that place that makes me feel this way....but then again my mom is my mom and she wont ever forgive me if i walk away with my baby and say nomore of this nonsense i had enough all i want and need is peace in my life. she will haunt me even afte death if i get up and leave some day. i guess i have so much respect for her that i am sacrificing my happiness for her, my mom, the person who has no heart for her kids but does for her supposed love of her life. yet i cannt ever leave unless i know my little sister is safe and well taken care of, because shes only a freshmen in highschool so her life is barely beginning, and i need her enjoy everyday of her to do what i always wanted to do but i couldnt, and that is to live life to its fullest. so everything i cry and stand is becuase of her my little sister.

if you wonder about my baby i dont worry about him hes always happy and jumping around, because hes a kid who only knows of the good things in life. so he wont suffer and  he wont cry like i do he wont fear like i do, because for him anything i will give and do just too see him smile

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Charmed 428's picture

I completly understnd what you are talking about
and yet i feel the same way
but when i think of running away from it all i can never really plan were or who to go to.
things like this must be planned out
and i dont want help from my father.
but just know that if u ever want to talk you can message me
we can be friends if you would like

POOH_LADY27's picture

of course we are friends and u can talk to me if you ever need to. well running away at a young age will be very complicated just focus on school and soon ull move indorms and u will be free

POOH_LADY27's picture

of course we are friends and u can talk to me if you ever need to. well running away at a young age will be very complicated just focus on school and soon ull move indorms and u will be free

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