I am never getting married. No, this isn't a sappy blog about how no one is ever going to love me and how I convinced myself I am going to end up as the matron with a lot a cats. It's more political than that. Marriage is one of the most flawed institutions in our society that I can think of. If I haven't throughly insulted your values yet, keep reading and I will tell you why.
First of all, it sets the standard and regularizes the heteronormative culture that excudes people of different sexual orientations that stray from "straight".Marriage practices this exclusivity in many ways. From el presidente trying to legally define it as a commitment between a man and a woman, to having traditons like "kiss the bride" or bachelor parties. If I need to prove my point here further, do a little excercise where you have to write down every question you would have to ask a gay couple about their wedding that you wouldn't have to ask straight people.People who are married also get extra legal benefits that people who are not straight, and therefore can't marry, are denied. Frankly, this seems like discrimination. While I am heterosexual, I find it appalling that most people would be so content with participating in a practice that villanizies and chastizes those who love differently than themselves. But I guess people still say the words "fag" and "retarded", so I can't be so surprised that people are willing to engage in a practice that dehumanizes others.
Second, marriage is ridicously patriarchial! From its history to its present practice it is pretty dehumanizing to women. Marriage did not start out as a commitment of love, but as a transfer of property to ensure intergenertational social mobility. Future husbands were not only "given" a bride ( who had no choice in the matter) but a dowry as well. Fathers were paying off their future sons in laws to marry their daughters. Daughters are also "given away" by their fathers to their husbands. Symbolically, this represents the daughter no longer needing the protection of her father because she now has the protection of her husband ( whoo-hoo). Women also traditionally take the man's name, which shows his dominance over her, and the man gets to kiss the bride, which is a way of harnessing her sexuality.
While I know you don't have to have all of these particular components in your marriage, specifcially, I feel that even practicing the institution is confirming its beliefs and underlying messages. Because I am remotely good looking and have an attitude you can learn to love I still have faith that I will meet a man who I can be committed to and possibly we can be a family together but I am never actually getting married. "Living in Sin" sounds cooler anyways.
Why I am never getting married
By estrasser - Posted on May 1st, 2006
i agree with the first half of your argument... but as for the second part... that is getting a little stereotypical. couldnt you find and be married to a man that veiws you as an equal and still be happy?
That's Funny but we all say that we're not going to get married but a couple of years later we end up gettign married. My couisn said the same thing she had a really big issue with marriage and all the other stuff that comes along with it and when she made 24 she end up gettign married to a nice guy. But I don't know where she went wrong because he never went wrong and after that she turn gay I don't know what the deal with that. I think when a person turns gay it's not because the guy are girl made them it's because they want to be gay.
Your not describing marriage, you're describing American marriage traditions. Regardless, I like your argument in the second main paragraph, so that's what I'm going to comment on first.
Societies have developed out of patriarchal cultures, where it describes divided roles between of women and men into society. You described what marriage was, your real gripe should be with America, not marriage. Since than, the tradition of marriage has changed with the times. Women usually take on the males last name for other reasons, political, economical, etc.. Kissing the bride, believe it or not is a religious custom, but has been accepted as the norm.
You first argument states that marriage is dehumanizing, but just because in most states gay marriage is illegal, doesn't make it dehumanizing. It's just a conservative belief. Though living in sin may sound cool, but you sign papers in a marriage for a reason.
I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more. - Candice Bergen