Since I was a child, I've always been a dreamer. A day dreamer to be more exact. In school I would imagine that I was in far off places or in exotic locales. Every day, I went on a different adventure. Most days, I would just imagine that something wonderful would happen in school that day, like I'd tell off the class meanie, or that the cute boy three seats away from me would look at me and then fall in love with me. Needless to say I wasn't a big fan of reality. I began looking for ways to escape and soon I was introduced to the wonderful world of movies and televisions shows. I was entranced. I found a place where I could watch every dream and fantasy I ever had come to life right before my very eyes. In short, I was living vicariously through my television screen. So many things I did or even said, were inspired by my favorite movies or shows. My identity was a jumbled up mass of their identities.
Eventually, I reached college. By this point, who I was was influenced not only by fictional characters on screen, but by my parents and my friends as well. Everything I did was in some form or another influenced by someone else.
Don't get me wrong though, I wasn't some nut job utterly obsessed with movies or TV shows and actually adopting the characters' identities and becoming them (if you've seen the movie The Cable Guy, I wasn't like Jim Carrey's character). I just was fascinated with their lives and how they were so different than mine. It was, I guess, an easy out for when I didn't feel like dealing with my own. I don't really know how or even why it started, but I guess I didn't want to grow up.
Now, two years have gone by since my first day of higher education and I have finally stepped up to the plate. I can't live my life according to what's around me. I don't want to go to school to be a journalist like my parents wanted me to, I want to act in films. It sounds like a surefire way of losing myself for sure, but I think it will do the opposite. I'm finding myself now and by acting on film, I can still be everything that I ever dreamed without losing what I've become. It is now that I'm taking the plunge into reality. I'm setting out to make a way for myself, and from where I'm standing, reality isn't so bad. I know that everything isn't as simple as it appears on screen, and I can deal with that.
Just a few days ago, I was accepted into the New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts. I live in a tiny tiny town in Florida where everyone pretty much knows each other, and if moving to New York isn't a reality check, I don't what is. I'm scared and stoked at the same time, but I know I'll be fine. Every hardship I face while I'm there will all be worth it.
So now I guess you could say I'm a recovering movieholic. I'm spending less and less time in front of my TV and much more time learning what I really like and dislike. I'm relearning my own hopes and dreams, not someone else's. It's a slow process, but learning who I really am and stepping out into the real world is a step I'm willing to make.
And yeah, I still like to watch my TV shows (Supernatural and Bones, for those of you wondering) and a movie occasionally, but they don't rule my life anymore. My walls aren't decorated with every movie star imaginable like they used to be... just a poster of Marilyn Monroe, Van Gogh's Starry Night, and a posterboard with photos of my family and friends.
And now here it is--- I'm growing up, getting a life, and I'm headed for the real world. It's definitely going to be a crazy ride.
a/n: this is my first entry here, and after going over it, I realize how crazy it makes me sound. i'm not crazy though...just a fangirl...which tends to make one do crazy-like things.
