Reflections and Racism

The journey that is life makes many interesting stops and detours along the way.

I can't recall where I first heard that or who said it, but more and more recently; I've begun to see just how true it is. Had anyone asked me 10 years ago where I would be at 24, I probably couldn't have answered, but it likely wouldn't be where reality has taken me. Some days, I'm not even quite sure exactly where I am today, but I've realized lately that somehow, the place I am is, despite the ups and downs, right where I would prefer to be.

I've not been around ProgressiveU much lately. In truth, I haven't had time to do much of anything lately. As I mentioned many months ago, my sister announced her pregnancy to me and I hit the roof. Not because I didn't want her to have more children, but because the fear that comes with her having children. I kept hoping I'd be wrong, but alas, it didn't quite work out that way.

After months of on again off again bed rest, sis went into labor on March 21st. We were sitting around watching YouTube videos when her water broke. I can't remember anything about the moment she turned to me aside from the fact that my heart hit the floor and I dove for the phone as her face paled. We've memorized the odds and the trials that come with each weekly gestational landmark. It's part of the territory of being close family to preemies.

they were able to hold off labor for an astonishing 10 days (and given the grand total of 12 hours they were able to hold it off with Aloshua, that is, indeed, astonishing). But after 10 days, they had to take the baby via c-section because of complications.

Edelyn Aybra was born at 8:28pm on March 31st. She weighted 1.9 pounds, was 14 and 1/4 inches long and was only 26 weeks 4 days gestation. Despite the early birth, however, she's done well. She's growing, she's breathing (with partial help from a ventilator), she's being tube fed and she's active. We've had setbacks, but we're progressing slowly.

Her birth, despite the uncertainty, has just reminded me of how lucky we are. We've been through it three times now, and out of each NICU nightmare has come a tiny little life that has managed to shift our priorities instantly. Being here for this contest, as important as it seemed a few months ago, just doesn't take top billing right now. As much as I love ProgressiveU, progress in my life takes me in a different direction at the moment.

Getting Aybra out of NICU and home where she belongs is my priority. I will be here as I can but, but as adamant as I was that sis was on her own this time; the reality is that I can't leave her to endure it alone while Aybra's older brothers must be content with touching her through a tiny hole in a incubator. I'm just not that person as much as I thought I could be. When she is home and well, we'll build two separate households. Until then though, I still tuck the boys into bed each night and build forts in the living room floor.

And I'm grateful for that. Many of our extended family members are outraged right now that sis dared have a mixed baby. I cannot imagine being the kind of person who refuses to be there over something so idiotically small minded. But in reality, I'm not sad for Aybra that they aren't there. I don't feel anger. I'm, as nonsensical as it may seem, relieved to have such a sweet reminder that racism, whether we wish it or not, affects us all. Maybe I will feel differently later, but for now, I'm just happy that those now in all of our lives are those who will be there no matter what may come.

Daily updates on Aybra posted here