Jessie was fourteen years old when her dad was diagnosed with malignant lung cancer. Her dad, mom and she moved to South Carolina two months before that fateful day in the hospital room. I was the only friend she had around for miles, and I didn't particularly like being her friend. Blood is thicker than water though, and, when I found out about her dad, my cousin Jessie became my best friend. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be her. He couldn't even fight the cancer because it had spread so far that they would have taken out one side of the lung and then half of the other just to be able to get it all out. Since it was malignant, it would have just grown back. He spent the last days of his life saying goodbye to family, those members that were able to take off days of work and travel to the middle-of-no-where town in South Carolina. All the pain he was going through was masked by the morphine drip, but that was just the physical pain. I know his heart ached, he was leaving behind the love of his life and a child that he would never be able to see graduate. He wouldn't be able to see her wedding, nor her firstborn child. I know it must have hurt the most since he caused his own cancer; he smoked since he was thirteen years old. Jessie was struggling with understanding what her life would be like once he was gone. She spent the day before he died in the hospital with him, talking to him one last time. There was anger, sorrow, tears, happiness that he was still alive at that very moment, regret, remorse, and fear. She made sure she told him she loved him just before he fell asleep. He whispered to her, breaking the silence; he could smell the roses in the garden, all the beautiful, beautiful roses.
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This literally brought tears to my eyes because it hit so close to home. My mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness when I was 13, and I am almost 22 now. Every day that goes by, I thank God she is still alive. And then I go on to wonder what the heck life will be without her. She's my best friend and has come so close to death a few times before. Each time is scarier than the last and I feel myself growing so, so old. I want her to see me get married and meet her first grandchild. I want her to see my sister graduate and watch her get her own car. It's hard to go through, and I can only imagine what it's like for someone to watch, too.
It hurts and feels like it is going to kill you, but all in all it has made me a more humble and understanding person. No one can take that away from me. I can understand most of what Jessie went through, but I am so scared to see how it all ends. Who will I be, what will I become?
Times flies like the wind; fruit flies like a banana.
What he said to my cousin was so symbolic and so relieving that I wish I could say that he purposely planned to say that, but I think he really did smell roses just before he was eternally accepted into Heaven. For the purpose of my retelling of their story though, that's what he was telling her, or that's the way she took what he said. Everything is going to be fine, life goes on even past his death. The roses will continue to bloom every spring even though there came winter. She's eighteen now and she is so beautiful and such a wonderful woman. She remembers her father every single day, but she can't live her life in the shadows of the garden, she has to bloom and grow.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world..." - Ghandi
that was an incredible post. both of my parents, fortunately, are still in good health, but i have a lot of friends that smoke and i'm so scared of losing them later on in life, and there's nothing i can do about it. =/
--stacie
I know it's a little mischevious of me to say get aggressive, but if you want to see a change you need to. Get aggressive about how important they are to you and how you want to be with them as long as possible and if they are willing to change, you will help them. It would help if you let them see literature similar to this. His death affected everyone in my family, not just Jessie, her mom, and me.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world..." - Ghandi
heh, good point. i actually got my friend to quit smoking for three months in high school!...unfortunately, she started back up again when she got to college, and under times of stress she smokes a LOT more....
my roommate/best friend in philly also smokes, but she's apparently cut down a lot since she first started when she was younger...i guess sometimes baby steps are what you need. maybe for christmas i should get her some nicotine gum. =P
--stacie
Hmm, nicotine gum sounds like a good Christmas present haha... you could also give it to her for Halloween!
"Be the change you wish to see in the world..." - Ghandi
hahahahaha, or just a giant bag of candy with STOP SMOKING! written all over it....every time she wants a piece of candy she has to give up a cigarette. =P
--stacie
lol yeah that's a good one haha
"Be the change you wish to see in the world..." - Ghandi