World News
*Bad News: Things in
Iraq still aren’t going well. And while the last sentence may seem like the Understatement of the Year, it’s also pretty apt. In
Baghdad today, Shiite militiamen killed 46 Sunnis in what the Associated Press is calling a “revenge rampage” (the AP gets extra points for genocide-related alliteration). This newest round of deaths raises the “latest sectarian bloodletting” death toll to 63 – The Jaded News believes that “latest sectarian bloodletting” means “this weekend’s violence”. Is it a civil war yet? And what’s even more shocking, was the report by Johns Hopkins that came out earlier this week, estimating that 655,000 Iraqis have been killed since the invasion in March of 2003; 91.8 percent of those died of violent causes, and their relatives were able to produce death certificates. Critics have tried to dismiss the study saying that the margine of error is a quarter of a million: which means that as few as 405,000 Iraqis have died since March 2003; or as many as 905,000 have been killed.
*Good News: President Michelle Bachelet of Chile, during a visit to the site where she and many Chileans were tortured under the reign of despot Agusto Pinochet; made an announcement that the Chilean government will soon be passing legislation that will make it possible to prosecute human rights violators in that country. The once-detention center just south of
Santiago, has been turned into a memorial for the 4,500 people who were held there between 1973 and 1978; most of them were tortured, many were killed, and at least 200 were disappeared by the Pinochet government. “Terror did not prevail,” Bachelet said, “Life and peace have been stronger.” Hear that President Bush? Torture is terrorism.
*Bad News: During a meeting in
Qatar, the minister of OPEC announced that all of the abiding countries are to trim the production of crude oil by 1 million barrels. We of course remember what happened the last time OPEC “trimmed” production after the 2004
US presidential election, don’t we? Yeah. Expect high gas prices after the Democrats are elected to the majority in congress. The Jaded News also expects a more friendly relationship with Venezuelan leader, Hugo Chavez, because of course,
Venezuela is not a member of OPEC.
*Good News: In a human interest story The Jaded News cannot resist, Metok Lazey, a former political prisoner of the Chinese government, is on her way to being crowned Miss Tibet. The Miss Tibet pageant, which is in its fifth year, has attracted much controversy (from Indian, Chinese, and Tibetans alike), and its handfuls of contestants do what they can to promote the Tibetan Freedom cause world wide. The mere fact that there is a Miss Tibet pageant should be evidence enough to China that it has achieved its goal of modernizing Tibet, and thusly Tibet can be allowed its much desired, much deserved autonomy from China. The only comment from His Holiness The fourteenth Dalai Lama was reportedly as a light chuckle and, “Oh, that sounds like fun.”
National News
*Bad News: Reports are just coming in about a magnitude 6.3 earthquake that rocked the Hawaiian island
Oahu, waking residents and knocking out power. The USGS has also reported several aftershocks, but no damage reports have been immediately made available. Experts have theorized that either God had a really bad morning surfing, or Pele is menstrual. There have been no reports to confirm or deny either, but the surf is now up.
*Good News: This good news is the latest update in a horrifying kittinicide case in
Minnesota. Last month, Wade Pilloud, former principle of the
Indus K-12 school, shot and killed two orphaned kittens on school property. Subsequently, he resigned and is now facing felony firearms charges. He claims that he killed the kittens so they wouldn’t “suffer” by starving to death after their mother was killed in an animal trap. The Jaded News thinks that those kittens should have been taken to an animal shelter, and that the children at
Indus must be very sad. The Jaded News also doesn’t want to hear anything out of
Indus, Minnesota about the “sanctity of life”.
*Bad News: In another horrifying incident this week, a mother of 5 used her 4-week-old son as a weapon to beat her boyfriend. Reportedly, Chytoria Graham swung her youngest child, Jarron, by his feet to hit her boyfriend, Deangelo Troop. Jarron’s skull was fractured, and he is in hospital; his siblings have been placed in foster care. Graham, is of course, in jail, (charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, endangering the welfare of a child, and reckless endangerment) and undergoing psychological evaluations. But, not unlike any congressman accused of doing something abhorrent, the baby-swinger is claiming she “had been drinking and ‘snapped’”, according to police reports. “Snapped” may not be the right word.
*Good News: This week, cleaner diesel fuel will go on sale across the
United States. A rule introduced this year which requires a 97 percent reduction in the sulfur content of diesel fuels will be phased in today, affecting 80 percent of the diesel sold across the country. The next step, requiring new diesel engines to have special filters to further curb emissions, will take effect in January. It’s not going to be a complete fix, but at least it’s a step in the right direction. The automotive industry is also expecting a rise in the number of diesel engines sold, because of the better fuel economy from diesel (and probably the fact that diesel fuel can be made from garbage). It’s a step.
*And, sadly, the death toll of United States military in
Iraq has reached 2,760. The Jaded News is sick to death of this crap. We’re as mad as hell, and we’re not going to take this any more!
That’s it for The Jaded News this week. Tune in next week when there will be more reports of scandal and of course the hilarity that ensued. To contact the Jaded News or to suggest a story email thejadednews@yahoo.com. You can also now find The Jaded News on Myspace.com! http://www.myspace.com/thejadednews
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I couldn't even imagine a mother beating her boyfriend with her own child?!?! It's just sosad to know that there's people out there like this
.:Chanson Tia:.
Perhaps the Iraq news should be clarified. Most of the sectarian violence in Iraq is committed by radical militias, namely the Mehdi Army backed by Iran, or "Death squads" that are more often than not connected to Al-Qaeda or like-minded groups. This sectarian violence is no way represents the mindset of the average Iraqi, who opposes civil war.
Also, that poll is widely discredited. I suggest IraqBodyCount.org, which requires verification of death reports by at least two media sources, and has no bias towards the right. In fact, in their analysis writings, it's clear they hate the war. The number they provide is between 44-48,000 killed, including those who have died from unsatisfactory sanitary and medical conditions.
The same guy who put out this statistic tried doing a similarly politically-charged number right before the 2004 elections, which was thoroughly debunked by experts, including Richard Miniter in his book, "Disinformation."
why are people still killing people? don't they remember holocaust? 6 million jews! 11 million people! All dead because of the violence of the holocaust. i think people should learn the value of life and how important life is. people's lives are more important than whatever people are fighting about.
Because human beings, as a life form, are deeply conflicted, not because of what we do, but because of what we are. Example: a man might love his wife, but still desire sex with other women. This is possible because of biological programming. This sort of conflict cannot be talked out of existence. Conflicting motives battle it out in our mind, until the stronger motive defeats the weaker motive. Every time somebody is murdered, it is because, in the conflict of motives, the urge to murder defeated the urge toward restraint. Most people can restrain themselves from killing other people, but murderers cannot restrain themselves, or I should say they do not restrain themselves. This battle is not an intellectual battle, it is a battle of motives, and it cannot be solved intellectually. There is nothing you could have told Hitler that would have made him stop murdering Jews, it is more of an internal moral choice.
I find it amazing, that people such as yourself complain about the "jading" of the news. You complain about how biased the news is, yet can always provide facts and information somehow to prove your point. Maybe the point is not that you can't get the information, but its that you only get information that helps to propel the liberal propaganda you spew on your site. Nowhere in your blogs do I see you comment on how Saddam Hussein killed millions of his own people in a mass genocide unmatched since the second World War. No where on your site do I see a mention of the terrorist training camps that he allowed to be built inside the Iraqi border, so he could tax them and aid them when needed. If Saddam Hussein truly did nothing that was deserving of this war, then why did he run from us? Do people who are truly not guilty run? No president "wants" to send his people to be killed, as war undoubtedly becomes, but some realize that they have to do what is necessary to accomplish their goals and protect their country. This is not meant as a pro-Bush statement, as it may seem. I do not agree with everything or even most things he has done, but I do not believe that conceding in the earliest stages is patriotic. The war is being fought for the ideals and principles of what is right, not for oil as some sources have states, for if this was true then we likely would have attacked our largest oil supplier (Canada;http://www.eia.doe.gov/pub/oil_gas/petroleum/data_publications/company_level_imports/current/import.html). Instead this was was fought to be a humanitarian mission to the people of Iraq. The only argument I can see you having in this case that would validly make sense is that we should stay out of other countries business, but at some point they become a danger to other countries, as they were beginning to do.
I think the one thing that is totally out-of-bounds and ultimately anti-American is to say we (by we, I mean the Iraqi government, security forces, allied forces and American military) aren't the good guys in Iraq. We are a noble country, and you may hate Bush, and think Iraq was a strategic mistake, but promoting the idea of liberation from tyranny and democratic rule is never wrong. Even worse is when people equate us with Saddam, as if we deliberately target civilians.