And you don't have to be either.
(my parents asked that I edit this post. I'm sorry for those that posted on the old version)
My mother wants grandchildren. {edit:} I don't like children {/edit} This is causing contention between us.
The psychologist says that because I am 17, this is a natural 'phase',
(Tangent: I do hope that when I’m an adult, I remember how much I hate the phrase "oh, she's just going through a phase". Phase or not, I think it is forever. Please as least act like you believe me. That phrase insinuates that nothing I think right now is important or even memorable and that is incredibly insulting.)
Seeing a baby causes anxiety and stress for me and if they cry, I have to work at staying calm. I can't eat if I know a baby is close because they disgust me. (Like at a restaurant)
So, naturally, when my mother starts talking about "when you have kids..." or "when you're married...", I'm upset. First, because she's suggesting that I will produce spawn for her and two because I feel that I have not been listened to. I have told her multiple times that I do not want children, that I very much do not like children and that I will not under any circumstances be raising children and nor do I want her to suggest that I might.
However, I don't hear that my purpose is produce children just from my mom, but from friends and media. The happy ending of most romantic comedies is the male and female main characters going off to start a family. Even (name withheld to protect the guilty) talks about how I might change my mind one day and get married (*wink wink*). So, not only do I have to fight to get people to acknowledge that I don't want children, now I feel guilty for making my mom sad and not following the accepted standard of society.
On the other hand, I’m worried that I may do something stupid and irreversible and not be able to have kids if the shrink is right and it's just a phase, (Like a hysterectomy.) but if I do that, I will feel as if I have betrayed myself and my beliefs by submitting to an outside will. Then I'm worried that the spawn will cry one more time and that'll be it, I’ll hurt it and go to prison.
Maybe babies are just bearing the brunt of my erotophobia and I need to put this question aside until after college anyway.
Aw well, Just take this with a grain of salt; it’s my worst aspect.
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I know how you feel.
I also happen to get annoyed when girls talk about how they're going to have three kids and they already have the names picked out and they don't have to worry about money issues because they'll obviously be rich by that point..... Ugh. That annoys me. Some unrealistic expectations with the money portion coupled with the too-early obsession with babies makes me uncomfortable.
I don't really want to have kids either, and I'm currently not planning on it. Perhaps when I've breached the age of 25 I'll reconsider...
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I'm getting a book of Amazon.com to this effect: Baby NOT on Board.
The reviewers say they like it so I'm going to get it.
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haHA!
Your mom probably doesn't mean to offend you or insinuate that you must have kids in the future. I think instead that its simply a natural tendency of parents and grandparents to want to see their family continued and legacies carried on.
I personally know that my mom has begun the talk about grandkids and how excited she'll be. Many times I interpret it as "You're 22 and you don't even have a boyfriend, so get to it before you're an old maid." But, when I stop and think about it I also have to see her side. She's 46 and watching both of her kids go off to college this fall (my brother to undergrad, me to grad). Not only is she going to miss both of us terribly and be experiencing empty nest syndrome, but she's also approaching the time in her life when she is no longer going to be able to have children (read: menopause). So try to be patient with your mom. Instead of getting defensive about the issue, make light of it. I constantly tell my mom that my brother will be the first to give her a grandchild (even though he's 4.5 years younger than me). :-)
And don't be offended if people say you wanting children is just a phase. I've been physically able to have kids since I was 11, and now at age 22 I know I've gone back and forth at least 11 times on the issue. You never know what curve ball life will throw your way. Maybe you'll meet an amazing person who'll suddenly want to settle down with and have a whole litter. Maybe you'll find someone who also shares your "disgust" for children and you'll end up having 4 dogs instead. But at 17, things still have a ton of time to change. (and change and change...)
I came to the same conculsion: that I need to put decisions like this off until after college because 17 is not the age to be worried about having children, but only after I wrote this. I just needed to work towards an acceptable conculsion and I do that best by writing about the issue. Thanks for your thoughts.
My poor mom; I'm going off to college at the end of the semester and I'm an only child. She keeps asking if I'm going to go away forever. D:
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haHA!
Sometimes i do wish to have kids,sometimes i don't.It's a hard world these days to have kids. My mom and step dad drives me crazy.Some guys are nice some are not too nice,some pretends to be nice.For to have kids i will think about it when the time is right.For one thing i know my mom tells me not to have kids young and i don't balme her.
I think some kids can be cute when they are 5 or 6 years old, but I don't know whether I am going to have kids or not. I go off and on about it. Babies crying drives me nuts and as bad as this sounds even though I have great patience I am afraid I will unintentally hurt the baby. I am also a person who thinks vomiting and poop is gross. I know alot of people do, but it will actualy make me throw up. I can't even clean up another person's vomit, or I will be sooo grossed out I wil barf. Your mind may change later, but if it doesn't oh well. I am 20 and in my opinion children take away your life lol. I want to do all the things I want to do first then maybe I will think about it lol.
Good perpective though
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
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