Search for Identity: Mixed Babies

           Anyone who is of a mixed heritage in our country has probably come across this so many times. It’s almost expected. The incessant staring at your face, even when you are engaged in conversation with a person. And then comes this uncomfortable but inevitable question: “What are you?” For mixed people, this question is a major part of the story of our lives.

            I am for the most part, a bi-racial person. I am the child of a black father, and a white mother, with some Cherokee Indian thrown in the mix on my father’s side. My father is the descendant of American slaves while my mother is a descendant of Irish and English emigrants. I fortunately was raised by both my parents (still married) with a strong knowledge and appreciation of my heritage on both sides. The same is not always true for other children of mixed backgrounds. My cousins for instance, have almost an identical mix as myself but were raised more on their “white” side. And since we live in a society that is still very racially divided, there is always this insurmountable pressure to “choose” which side your on.

            Physically, I neither look like a white person, or a black person. I usually get Puerto Rican from most people who meet me for the first time. Throughout my childhood, and my life, I have never been accepted by either group of my peers. I’ve always kept a small group of friends in my circle, but I’ve never actually been allowed in to either social group. I’ve been rejected, and outcast for what seems like such a silly reason. Basically, I don’t fit the stigma of how a black person or a white person should look or act. I’ve noticed, though, that even though I have never really been ‘one of them’, that there are certain groups which are more accepting than others. White males with me tend to be less stand-off-ish than black males. And on the other hand, black females generally tend to gravitate towards me, whereas white females usually won’t have anything to do with me.

            So who or what am I?  So many times throughout my life I have tried to answer this question by attempting to conform my image and lifestyle to a certain stereotype. I’ve been the ‘headbanger’, and I’ve been the ‘gangsta-wannabe’ and I’ve done them both diligently, over and over again. For me, this has never worked, because if I am completely honest with myself, I am neither. This question ultimately can’t be answered by a person’s ethnicity or by running down the list of someone’s ancestors. That is only a small part of who someone is.

            I’ve spoken with a few people who, like myself, are of a mixed background, including my girlfriend, who has a very similar heritage to that of my own (what are the odds of that?). Generally, we’ve all had similar experiences in dealing with people, and making friends, and finding our own identity in a society that tries to categorize us into one group or another. It is these experiences that make us who we are. We’ve all been called ‘oreo-cookies’ and ‘mutts’ and such and such. I’ve even heard mixed people call themselves mutts. Why do we let people force us into this odd subgroup of society as if we have no real place in the world, and are doomed to wander in limbo? I personally can’t stand to hear those terms used in reference to myself or any other person with a mixed heritage.

            These days, I am neither black nor white. I listen to heavy metal, and jazz, and R&B and neo-soul. I carry myself in a respectful manner, and I still speak proper English. I dress in clothes that fit me well and make me look good. Most of my friends are Hispanic, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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