It seems as if I have failed to launch. I doesn't matter what I do it's just not good enough for you. I use to think so highly of you, you were my hero, one who I used to tell everything to and now I tell you nothing because I am a failure to you. I try and I try but if it not your way then you don't approve. You disown me, tell me I am not good enough then turn around and say you love me.
I don't get it? One minute you love me, the next you disown me? make up your mind!
I live on my own, have my own car, pay my own bills and you don't even ask to help? But I guess I just had high hopes because you never sent money before.
What do you want from me? Haven't you ridiculed me enough? I can only take so much before I break. You don't call just to say hi, you call and yell, if your going to do that then don't bother calling at all.
I am in enough pain as it is from you. You got wanted, a new family, no daughter just sons.
As you further ignore the daughters you had before your new family you just hurt us more.
I guess it is my fault or not being better daughter, but without father figure in my life what did you expect? I have lived 18 years without you and I guess ill have to live longer without you.
I kills me to hear you yell at me and tell me I am not good enough.
I would like to thank you for making me cry most nights, making me feel worthless, or like I am not wanted like I was a mistake, or good enough just to know you care, or that you even love me.
I guess im trying to say is that I miss my hero, I miss my dad but I guess I am not worthy to have you.
You have your new family and you forgot about your old one.
You have caused me so much pain, but for some reason I still love you and I hate it.
I guess I was the one who failed to launch.
I'm kidding, but at the end, the "failure to launch" hit my dirty mind in such a way... It seems like you could use a giggle anyway, or someone new to be mad at.
I have dad issues too. When I was 18, I went to my mom's after I'd had a stroke to find an emancipation letter. My dad emancipated us so he didn't have to pay my mom for back child support. I was pissed.
My dad lives two states away, but even when we lived in the same state, he would rarely drive the 4 hours to pick us up until summer vacation. We never saw him anyway- he's always been a workaholic. I have a stepmom and two stepsisters. My dad helped them pay for college, but not me or my brother. There was a bit of animosity, and my brother still isn't over it.
I made peace with the fact that my dad is a dick. I love him though. He doesn't call me, I have to call him, but now, that's ok. Since I've accepted the fact that it is my responsibility to keep a relationship with him, I'm fine with it.
I would suggest you do the same, for your own good. The anger and resentment is much harder on you than accepting him for who he is. You're an adult, have a talk with him. If you can accept his faults, the least he can do is accept yours. It beats years of bad relationships and therapy. I wish you luck.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
the beginning of that did make me laugh...
thanks though
at least a little bit. I do hope you take my advice though. Don't waste your energy on negative feelings. I'm not saying he necessarily deserves the acceptance, but you deserve not to have those issues weighing you down. I didn't figure it out until I was in my early twenties, and I just wish someone had told me how much better it would feel to let the negative go.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
thanks